Wow, Ive been writing for a minute now
I should have been writing more, especially during the semester. But school was slow, the blog wasn't missing much at all. I just put down the important things...My friends death, My former bitch of a boss (she became OK), the slowness of school, the ease/difficulty of my classes.
Speaking of classes. i probably got around a 3.3 - 3.4. im not sure since my french professor is slow with the grades. Strangely enough im not happy with it. Im not at all. Yeah i was shooting for a 4.0 but with six classes and my laziness i wouldnt think i would get anywhere close to what i got. I should be estatic. But im not, maybe its because im leaving I left Albany about a week ago. Everything that place has ever stood for has changed and im glad that i Left. Theres one thing though, my girlfriend still has two years left over there....
Oh yeah ive written about her too lol
Speaking about my babygirl, i miss her...
This is some violation of my natural tendencie to be private but fuck that. I miss her something awful...and although some part of me wants to not admit that to myself, to others and to her...another part of me wants to embrace it because there have been times where i wasnt in the position to miss anyone. Ive lusted after girls but that was just because i was horny and i missed the way they satisfied me. Home girl satisfies me in many ways including the one already listed. Its been a week without her and it sucks something awful. I know that if i look im gonna find someone to fill that void but im not ready to do that after a fuccin week. The fact that im even thinkin it says something though :-< .
Anyway
I know its xmas time but i dunno what to do. Im not enjoyin break at all. I got not people (broken record i know). Ohh well
THought
Alot of people think im asome sort of alchoholic!
Im mad ive never written about this before cuz the inclination is crazy. They say it in jest but got damn the jokes are gettin old. Im not hurt by it, cuz im not an actuall alchoholic. Folks see the pictures on facebook and myspace and they think i drink every week. I used to drink every week, shiet, sometimes every fuccin day. But in no way do i rely on the stuff. I drink to loosen up. PERCEPTION IS A CRAZY THING, its powerful as fuck and learning how to turn it against people is a great tool in everyday life.
Im gonna go play videogames....after all it is xmas time.
Fuck me
adas379
back in philly and home never felt so good. Instead of commin home to a cramped and messy apartment i come back to a house and such excitement for the future.
Moms is actually networking for me. That is crazy to me. Its hard to believe she even has people around here cuz she's not the social type, but go ahead mah, I know she's gonna be better for it.
My brothers driving now so he gonna be my chauffer for a bit lol. I need my liscence in three weeks. Mos def cuzz im not tryin to have my 12 year old cousin get his liscence before i do
My room looks full as fuck.. i needs me another dresser or sum shit.. or a trip to the salvation army.
I dont feel like typing anymore
Done with finals and im in such a high right now, but its natural. On the bus ride back i look back at this semester and i realized that i done something great. Yeah people take six classes a semester and do well but now i can be added to that category. Granted i took shortcuts but fuck, id be damned if my ass was gonna take some hard ass classes and not graduate this semester. That shit wasnt happening. Ever since i enrolled into classes this semester i had a blueprint how it was gonna go.
Acting for relief and french for autonomy, i took it in HS so it will work itself into an easy A. Human sexuality for interest but that didn't work out but the Professor, a grad student, was pretty cool, not to mention a looker; she givin me all the extra credits in the world and id be a fool not to take advantage.
Like I've always said, things have a way of workin out for me. Its just the way it is, i have the best luck in the world. The two tests i took today was supposed to be the most challenging for me and it was a big obstacle cuz i wanted to do well on em too, and i did.
Shit was riiite i started tearin after i realized i can answer all the questions on my political theory final. Wrote my ass off for that A, ima get it most likely.
This day wasnt all good but its too embarrassing to put it on here.
Yesterday was wack also. Shorty done hit me on the side of my face. Now i'm not tryin to whine on here i just don't like people hittin me in the face , even the body or hands is ok but in my life the only people that have ever tried to hit me in the face was dudes so I equate that with that. when shorty hit me like that my arm shot up to hit her but i stopped it before i do any type of damage whatsoever. I called her a bitch too but i stopped that at the T, it coulda still counted but she didn't hear me, she was just tryin to dodge my hands. I was soooo tight for so many reasons. I tried rationalizing it and it worked to an affect. I gave her the silent treatment on our way to campus from the bus station, shit was blatant too cuz i had my earphones on and she thought i was listening to music but i wasn't. She didn't know that until later but i didn't care i didn't feel like speakin cuz who knows what woulda came out my mouth.
Have you ever had that choking feeling like, your emotions are constipated. You holding back all this shit that you cant function so you just have this tension within yourself...
I felt that, i don't like being affected but shit im human, as much as its hard to admit I am and i was too affected.
But when we got to the city bus station ( she came with me to get my tickets to philly) i looked at her grabbed her up and kissed her. I actually made an effort to move on actively. How could i not, she kept sayin she sorry and she had this sad look about her. She was carryin her green tea; before the incident she would take sips out of it from time to time, talkin to me and bumpin me into shit ( inside thing). After the incident i didnt say a mumbin word to her and she stopped drinkin her tea, its like her arm was numb. I glanced over from time to time at her and saw that she was all sad. Then i realized that maybe im takin it a bit too hard. I didn't want to make her feel like that so i grabbed her up and apologized ( why i don't know) and kissed her. Tears ran down her face and she said the same thing, although that happened i still wondered about it. it got to the point where she noticed me acting different again and she asked me whats wrong; at that point i couldn't really put it into words, but i tried my best and shit.... there's more but i don't feel like typing about it anymore...
I was this close to ending what we got behind that shit...
Once im wronged all emotions i had for you will leave. I'm probably feeling this chick the most out of most chicks ive met... but when she did that i went off like that, im still having a hard time feelin for her like i did. Im not lookin for answers for it though i sorta like it. It wakes me up and tells me maybe she aint the one...then again im not lookin for the one and besides if the one slapped me on the side of my face or on my face id probably dead her ass also...
....i accepted it and moved on, i had to, i had two tests to study for... im still with her though and i sorta do wanna be with her...we'll see what happens, or i will see what happens and share accordingly..
Im done
Damn...almost one week until i graduate, shit is crazy...im happy but i am also sad cuz im leavin my girl behind, shits wack but what am i gonna do, im not fuckin with albany anymore, maybe for some grad school shit but thats only if necessary. Thanxgivin is upon us and im thankful for this year. Ive grown this year more than any year previous to it. I can say that I'm likin where i'm heading in life. Even though it still a bit foggy in terms of where im going to be moving to in the next couple of years (chitown, philly, NYC). I'm feeling good to the point where i don't remember feeling bad. It seems like it was a lifetime ago. Shits crazy
So im thankful for this year 08', im thank ful for being alive, even though there were times where i didnt mind death.
Anyway im back in brooklyn for thanxgiving and although my aunts crib is dingy and "project-y" as fuck its cool. My crib in albany aint taj mahal either. I wanna go home where i have my own shower and its clean.
I wanna fuck...but i know that aint happenin while im here unless a sudden turn of events goes down.
Im goin out with my boys later..looks like we doin the city thing, shits wack i cant fuck with it so i think im gonna be like fuck it and say no, even though i said yes, besides my ID situation is fucked up right now anyway...
I just wanna drink at a crib or somethin or go bowling or sumthin, the club scene aint for me anymore...its official, id rather get my chix outside the club anyway......
i really need to sleep but i just thought id chronicle-ize this rea quick...
I'm really feelin Shak right now...i cant picture me without her, and i cant picture her without me...shit is crazy, she sleepin rite now and i just wanna be near her. Shits new to me because the idea of me having that extension of care expand like that scared me. and i didnt wanna bother with it. I cared about myself to a degree more than others and for me to be in a relationship with someone i would have to extend that shit and i am. I care bout shorty and although i was thinkin bout ccreepin i won't. I can't, even though it wont last. Im goin back home to philly while she still has two more years up here. Next year she's studyong abroad too i mean ...i knew what i was gettin myself into and ima try to make it work while im able...
got my nose wide open n shit lol
two days of classes then i get my ass home..well brooklyn, hopefully, i dont regret that
my hearts being ripped open
from the inside
my crimson ovum has been fertilized
liberating my caeur
emotions come easy like a fetus
as it grows so does the person showing it
the hypothalamus is in full swing
chemicals fluctuating like hydraulics in a coup deville
as your windows to the earth displays
things once seen in a new light
a brighter light
skepticism, anger and doubt all gone
light at the end of the tunnel
God when was the last time i've been truly angry
i can see the beauty in things
or is that the perception playin tricks on me
i guess skepticism is alive and well...
He isnt Emcsqared
more like a standard deviation from what is
that "is" is regular
whatever that may be is up to you
for he's never known normal.
Standing in center aint superman
C'est bizzaro
not your average nigga
quiet like
he wears baggy clothes, he cusses and he carries a knife around
but he's no nigga, black boy or supathug
he goes to college, talks proper and is low key
but he's no oreo, no uncle tom or no prettyboy
He's the uncle don V for veritas
for he is the truth
Song playin: Rifle love- Raphael Saadiq; Lavish- Twista feat Pharrell
I should be reading but im optimistic. Other than that lemme just say although i cant wait to leave albany. Im gonna miss it. Although i'm not leaving it the same way i came in, Albany stands for grownth for me. Ive grown here morefor me this place stands for grownth. Ive made decisions based on me. Ive experimented, ive overcame, ive juggled and ive enjoyed relative freedom to be whoever i wanted to become. Although i dont know as much people here as i used to it still was a great semester. Mad attention i showed myself alot more. I probably smiled more this year more than any other year combined, this semester especially. I wasnt always the Don or "Pimp" i was but steps were taken and here i am. I stood alone this semester and i still managed to keep busy and get busy lol. I got a chick who is crazy about me, life is iite. I quit my job on wednesday. I had to, work was takin up too much time and school is demanding too much of me now to do both. I chose school because ireally want to get out of here.
"if you look in the sky and you don't see your dream man dont feel defeated cuz trust me you can build it"
I wanna go to grad school i know i've never even mentioned it on here but i do. Its a goal i have to accomplish. I want to be a city planner or urban planner, whatever you wanna call it. Im finna work for the govt and shit and eventually run a city maybe eventually the world. lol imagine me runnin a city. Moving stadiums, taking bribes...im a crooked as dude lol. I've been dissapointed in myself lately. I keep forgetting shit. Like im losing my mind. Whether it be my Id card or a sheet of paper thats important or shit i should do like email my professor.
Last fall semester i fealt like my brain opened up to me. I was doing the best ive ever done. Now, well...now im not doing bad or even mediocre...but its not enough. Im not super ambitious but i wanna do what i want and if that means good grades for now that is what i want. no ifs ands or asses....
I'm smart as fuck and no one will ever tell me different.... mad errors I'm tired i may edit it or not ....
ts been awhile since i wrote anything. I feel like now is a better time than any though. My birthday just passed and i feel good to be makin it through another year. My friend though, Rich Bailey wont live to make it through another year.
I stopped writeing as of october 22nd maybe 23rd....
its november ninth and i feel i should at least write down my feelings sometimes shit needs to stop smelling before you are able to get rid of it. Bad analogy maybe; just accept it as that...
umm My birthday last month was probably my worst. I didn't have my family and i didn't have much friends. Just a couple chicks I've been talkin to this semester made a deal about it. More than the other acquaintances and shit. One girl took me to the movies, the other went shopping with me. Shes now my girlfriend. Since she is that ima name her... hmm maybe not, this is the internet. Umm yeah the fact that i didn't get as much attention as i did my past birthdays wasn't the reason. Its not something i need.
The fact that my friend Richard Bailey got shot and killed the night before really fucked me up. It rained all day and it was just an outward expression of what was goin on inside my head. I found out through my mom. She called me up worrying about me asking me if I'm alright. i was like wtf why and she told me that some kid got shot. I was like hell naw i didn't even hear of such a thing.I look at my school email and it tells of some kid who got shot in the head the night of October 20th 2008 at 11:20 PM ( i was cleaning up the store then). i did background research and i found out the kid was from Wantagh, Long Island and he was 22 years old. after reading this i had Rich in mind but i was like nahh, no fuckin way.
It bugged me for a bit and i thought to look at his facebook (just in case). I see like seven people wrote on his wall saying stuff like: "im praying for you"; "get well bud"; "OMG wtf and all that" and i was like GawwdDamn... loud enough that the people around me could hear my reaction. ever since then it bothered me; i had it runnin through my mind all day. I talked to Ty and she cheered me up enough to go shopping. I spent around six hours in the mall; at first i was just walking around not even inspired to get anything....i probably brought my first item item during hour three probably. Shit was wack but as the days went on WC treated me to a movie and gave me the pussy after. Overall the birthday wasn't that bad but I'm mad it have to happen to anyone much less someone i know yu know.
Im 23 now...
How i feel about it. Im cool with it, this year has probably been the best for me in terms of grownth. Mos Def, i outgrew the college lifestyle, took up hobbies, enhanced myself physically and mentally. Im comfortable with myself so i dont need no one else. Ive figured out who my real friends are...shout out to the raiders. hmm in all honesty ive got a month left in college and im gonna make the best of it academically and otherwise. Nothins gonn stop me from doin me...
but should I, homegirl is a virgin...lol anyway i talk about girls on here too much. I need a new mind state.
All this procrastination is gettin me nowhere, I want to get ahead of my classes. Its the only way i can survive without killing myself, Some classes need to be taken care of so that i can have time to do what i can do. I keep givin too much to this Job and when i do have time to do shit im too tired. So i wind up talkin to Jayjay on the phone. jayjay is amazin, im mad i met her this late. Doesnt it always happen, you leaving somewhere then someone comes along which makes you soooo fukckin heated that u met them at that juncture cuz lol you about to leave in X months/days/weeks. She cute, funny as fuck and unvolatile. Makes me not wanna go to Philly cuz i barley see girls like her ova there. Everyone in Philly got something wrong with them haha, its cool though i dont plan on being there for long anyway. I went through my monologue this week, although i didnt kill it like i planned i went through it. Now i move on and try to do better next time. I stayed up all night on tuesday all hopped up on coffee. It was terrible i was getting the jitters, i felt my heart rate going up to crazy levels. It wasnt fun but i think i did ok on the test so hopefully it was worth it. I hate living in this house, there are zillions of flies everywhere in the bathroom and in the kitchen so i cant cook food cuz i dont want a side of flies with it. My roomate is a fuckin pig and hes gonna pay because i didnt sign a lease so if he or i dont find anyone to take over im just gonna fuckin leave. What does this dickhead do now? hes late with the electric bill, Im not paying the late fee, theres no fucking way im payin any late fee. This dude knows hes the only one with the keys to the mailbox and he aint on top of that shit.
(damn how long have has it been since i typed the above)
OCT 24th...editing
Anyway im starting to like the girl again so hopefully i break her seal lol. We went shopping yesterday and it was tight. Walkin and talkin n shit she looks good in white. I had on all black so it was tight.
lol when am i gonna post this anyway?...:-) cheesing, lets just say im liking this chick alot rite now. I'm not disclosing what we did but i like her more for it. Anyway, Jayjay is prolly out the picture, she said she wanted to be friends, didnt want to lead me on,lol. Im not mad at all im just mad that im eventually leaving Shak here. WC still has the fattest ass though but i'm diggin Shak alot tho, we gonn see where this goes
OK so Ive been seeing a lot of girls now but one in particular has piqued my interest.
we'll seee how that goes, besides im seeing white chocolate tonite lol
I bombed my monologue. I froze up and couldn't remember ANY of the lines it was so embarrassing and i felt like a failure. I haven't felt this way since i failed my road test a couple of years back. After i failed my road test i was distraught and the reason i failed was so stupid that it just made me angrier. I vowed never to fail at anything again after that instance. I said i wasn't going to fail at anything ever again and here i am, cant remember the lines to a scene. Oh well i can make it up so its not a total loss but i need to step it up fo reall!
In other news niggas got paid today, i wasn't expecting it but shiet its whatever imna take it. im not gonna get but 40-50 dollars next week so this bank imna take fo real. SHit im bored as fuck.. i don't know what to do..
Oh yeah i got me a new phone
Its the SPRINT RUMOR and its the first "special phone" ive EVER got. So far im really diggin it. I wasn't around A TV when i was in Albany but when i saw that i could get it for 50 dollars i had to get on it. Texting has never been so easier.
lol i hope i didnt tell yu the sotry behind this title, nothin OD just a jewish kid i know/knew had this as his away message from time to time. SMH, whatever
I am back in Albany and it is Black its mad cloudy and as soon as i stepped out the city bus about a block from my crib it starts pouring like a motha fucka. I didnt appreciate it but its watever, ya digg.
Philadelphia wasnt nothin, i just missed me fam and since they are farther away than they are ususally the homesickness kinda elevated to more than usual. So i went besides i had to see a fan lol. I was sick when i first arrived so the first two days was ass, i watched TV and catched up with the fam. Then on monday Ny came to visit, it was maad akward at first but i beat and i think she is the best ive ever had. She was as thick as i liked em to be and had nice ass tits. i ragged it crazy like but i did have a scare. as she was riding me i saw the condom wasnt as down my shaft as its supposed to be so i told her to get off and the condom slipped off ... i didnt insert it back in but cum splashed all ova me and i was scared as hell. I calmed down when i realized what happened, i really wanted to fuck her again shee got me soo wired, Like my poem the Libido Engine was in full effect. i dunno about a relationship with her though, too much baggage but i shoulda been real with her. I have to be real from the jump now cuz i mos defenitely think im gonna hurt her, im tryin to find ways to let her down easy or just get her to not like me as much
( it wont be cuz of the sex believe me). Thats the mission besides i got more females in here anyway. Im such a pig but watever. My roomate just said i look heavier...this does not bode well cuz ima get crazy and go to the gym right now after a six hour bus ride
Im balancing too many females for reallll! lol
Im talkin to a new chick now, Cnell
its gettin to be toooo much its like im at work typing lol respondin to messages
lol
ima get back at this (edit) NEVERR lol
Update though lol, i dropped Cnell ohhhh i just now remembered who she was, yeah she could have been a good friend but i wasn't feeling her in that way. Hard to believe i know but its true. We dont even talk anymore ehh.
Done
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ohh man im soo tired, im fighting the itis, the bus lag and nyquil, i wanna see the presidential debate and im doing so right now. Im sooo tired but im in philly and the CreativeZV was on full effect. My last minute addition was RAPHAEL SAADIQ'S "The Way I See It".
I didnt know what to expect from this album. I mean I am familiar with his music style and his voice on ludacris' "Splash Waterfalls", I got Lucy Pearls album on my CZV and i liked that so i thought i'd get it. From the begginning to end ive listened to this album at least 6 times today. It is Banannas it makes me want to explore neo-soul alot more. His sound is amazing, the song may have existed in some form before ( remastery & additions). His productions is top notch and this album feels like it should have dropped nearly 50 years ago (great thing!). Its my favorite album possibly of all time yo and that IS CRAZZY LOL. I recommend this to anyone with a brain and with some appreciation for REAL music. This is the defenition of real music!!
yeah just sleazed off, homegirl is getting guud on that dome... wow i def shouldn't be posting this.
seeing "Ny" is gettin me mad amped as soon as i see her ima put lips and hands on her. Her body is riiiight lol, and she loves me so thats a plus. Looks like Tie might be on the homies list cuz i don't want to bounce her around. Her commin to me for help solidified it for me, it sorta turned me off; she talkin about some dude from her past. It was Just another strike against her, its all good though that just makes me get the upper hand. Snowflake is volatile, reckless white girl who has no qualms about lying to me, maybe. i havent caught her yet but questions still arise; shiet Ny is realll volatile but hopefully they miss me enough to holla at the kid ya digg.
Cuddlin up with shorti today made me think of Tasha, everytime we'd lay down together my hands would be attatched to her chest like Velcro pockets. Dry humpin that ass of hers, smellin her hair, her moaning gottamn her moaning was like music to me. I remember when i was asleep the first nite, been took the L for the nite, im awaken by my hands being moved to her neatheregions and as i played her violin she would moan like ... (shivering). Twas the first time i realized it.
I miss her more than i thought i would but i aint letttin her know that, she just gonna make me regret telling her, besides im hoping i can get over it. I got me two numbers today, hows that for getting over her. I got class tommorow and i got to wash my nuts sooo...later
"youre never happy"
"everytime someone gets close to you its like you don't give a damn"
From 500 miles away my mother told me this.
SHe came with this outta left field but who knows why anyone brings anything up anymore. Its just one thread crossing another in the quilt of life.
She said she talked to my brother and he still concerned that he isnt as close to me as he would like; he confessed this to my mom according to my mother. She said she's failed as a Mom; she said shes tried to get close to me and close to my brother but she's disappointed in herself for not bringin me and my brother more together. Reginald told her about the times in IHM where it would seem like im pushing him away. Not talkin to him in public, whenever he'd wait for me afterschoool id beckon him to go home Im a bad brother...
for a lil nigga to grow up without a father i should have been the next best thing and i wasnt. I used the excuse that i was a miserable child and although that may be true to a degree. I shoulda been there for him. I look at him now and i wish i saw the lil kid he used to be. He was soo alive runnin around gettin into shit. Cursing out lil youngins (girls and boys alike). He was so stubborn no one could tell him nothin and i admired that about him.
Now he looks so defeated, he stays in one room for the better part of the day, doesnt go out. He's become a polar opposite of what he was supposed to be. Am i to blame?? I feel like in some ways i Am, i ruined his life. Mom says that its too late to come together because im gonna be doing my own thing officially soon and we're gonna grow even more apart. SHe even said that im like this with my two cousins too. Lil 12 year old kid Youry looks up to me and sees gold and i push him away also, not completely though i dont think but for a while i cant say i havent tried. Lil cousin ramath everytime he comes through for the summer we wind up gettin further and further apart...not just from me but from my brother now too.
I dont know what to do... I dont even know why... i didnt want to ruin the boy i didnt even think it was possible. I guess i underestimated my influence. I dont know what to do...
I feel like shit right now
is that why i havent been in a long lasting relationship
no matter how hard i try to figure life out i still wind up feeling like ive missed something and while ive been thinkin i found out later that i should have been doing.
I could go deep inside myself to find an answer but i dont think i want to, it could be too painful to write...
(pause)
ok
lemme just write
the reason...fuck there is never o good reason for sumthin like this....
The way i am; I was a fucked up person i know. there were times where i didnt hold my family to such high regard. They were simple, constantly bickering and controlling. I didnt like to be controlled so i resented them to the point where i did not like some of them. My brother didnt deserve all the shit i put him through though. Whatever it is that i did it wasnt for him. I dont love him to be honest with you but maybe i do why else am i tearing up right now. Growing up i never got familial love. not that ive never recieved it, i never understood it. To grow up with a father you didnt like and a mom who was always tryin to work and struggle and toil for bank you tend to miss a few things. I love my mom though i think, how do i know if i love her! Thats the problem i dont know... everytime i write the word i pause for a couple of seconds to self debate if i actually do or not. If this is the case do i actually love my family, can i love anyone?? I hold my mom in high regard so when she says things like the shit listed above i take it seriously. I think im fucked up man...and i had no clue to what extent!
(hours later)
Or maybe everyone needs to lighten up and not focus on me as much...what makes me so special yo. Any other person may move on and find him, why is he stuck on it still. I had my own problems to deal with and i still do. He needs to wake up smell the shit. Yeah i feel sorry for him and yea i may be half maybe even more than half responsible but he should take me for what/who I am. I never was a role model i didnt think i was worth lookin up to. I actively seeked to push everyone away.
Ive learned at this instance the fact that everything in ones life is connected in one way or another...i wonder what connected me to my old self.
(minutes later)
i was angry... thats what it was. I was tooo angry and too young to contest it so i would take it out on whoever. Mostly my family and friends. Almost all my fights were with someone i know or someone with the same blood. Every sibling ive ever had except kristie has been hurt physically by me at one point. At least once pretty bad with each sibling. Im not gonna get into details though. Mostly my fights have been with friends too. I didnt like being wronged so if they did do me wrong id fight them. I wasnt the bully type no not at all. All defensive shits either i was wronged or I felt like i was wronged and it usually ends up in a fight. Ever since 8th grade ive changed my ways though. I havent fought since, i became low key and some what a pacifist. I do sometimes think about fighting though. I dont get angry as much and if i do i used to try not to show it. I heard that im gonna explode one of these days but i don't think so; or maybe i want to explode, seee what happens.
My mom also started talkin about any potential kids i might have. She doesnt want me to treat them like i do my brother or any of my siblings. I dont think im going to, shiet i dont want to treat them this way and hopefully i wont. Although i dont know what love is (implied [familial] or acquired [relationship]) i hope to know it when i see it and act accordingly whatever that is. Just by me saying "act accordingly" is sayin that something is up...
im done analyzing myself...
been a while since i wrote... i gots me a stuffy nose so i just feel like sleeping
I bagged a shorty that works around the campus center not too long ago...she's ok I like tall chicks. Almost went out with her tonite but i wasnt really goin for the mild mannered shit, i just wanted to get drunk and party but that didnt happen so we just wounded up talkin n shit (nothin remotely serious; hint of flirting. This other shorty caught my eye also, she worked the register today and we been raggin on each other all day, i think she digs me, always got sumthing to say whenever i enter her radius. lol i shoulda took the number then but i felt that it wasnt right...yet, Ima see her again anyway, Homegirl is rightt she even know how to speak chinese (not asian, she black), i luv smarts hahah. Yeah it is saturday and im not doin shit....a week from now ima be fuckin my boo like crazy and its gonna feel mad good. lol how can i say that? I'm a wolf bruhh
im goin to sleep i feel like a zombie....
Its been a looong time since i wrote some deep shit about myself on here. I just finished reading some of my old posts and they delved deep into my soul n shit. I was self analyzing solving my own problems by writing shit down and it helped immensely. Those posts were declarations of my deepest thoughts that ive been holding inside me for a loooong time. Either ive told someone this or ive told no one this.
I miss Ashley (random thought but ima elaborate before i go to work)
Ashley was probably my first crush that ive acted on. She was my cousins best friend and when we were youngins i saw her and i instantly was diggin her. We knew each other from when we were reaaal young but im talkin when we were significantly grown and capable i was capable of such an emotion. Umm yeah soo My cousin would talk to her on aim and one day i made a mental note of her screename and i got at her, she was livin in Philly me in Brooklyn, but i had to tell her that i was feeling her cuz it was the strongest emotion Ive felt for anyone at that point in life. After a couple sessions n shit we started to gett to know each other to the point where we can tell each other anything,...
as long as we weren't face to face lol
I would freeze up whenever she was around and shit lol. She would get mad that i dont talk to her...it would be this never ending cycle until i took steps to end it and i did during one of my cousins birthday parties. We grew kept talkin non stop.... Now i did tell her i was feeling her and shit but by that time whatever we had was too strong and she didn't wanna risk it, besides we like 500 miles apart.
I took it well, we were 500 miles apart so i wasn't really distraught or nothin, i liked the fact that i could tell her everything and she been my
my .... be..good friend ever since
umm, My feelings for her was complicated because there would be times when id be really digging her like i was before or when she was just my peoples but id say throughout id feel a mixture of the two. Im always gonna have something for her. Shiet as i was comming into my own she even confessed for having something for me.
Everything ive ever held in, any problems ive been through, women trouble, parent trouble she's had a hand in. I can say in utter confidence that she knows the most about me than anyone in the world. Shiet i even replaced my cousin, they arent as tight as they used to be whilst me and her were on the contrary. Besides my family and her theres no one else id take a bullet for (we done talked about that too haha). I miss her now though.
She's in college n shit, ive even moved to Philadelphia and i haven't even seen her, maybe it's for the best who the fuck knows. I do know that every time i saw Brown Sugar and Love and Basketball i would be thinkin about her. Maybe its Sanaa Lathan they do look alike lol.
Im not stressing it, she just popped into my head as i was writing above so i wrote about her, she's a big part of my life.. at least she was
Thats probably why im bloggin right now, as an outlet; maybe blogging is a replacement outlet.
Song is off the chain, i dont usually look to listen to lil waynes shit. Im not mad if its hot and i just happen to be listening to it. He too oversaturated i respect what he doin but he needs to fall back for a minute. This record is tight though, its called the realest and its a commemoration record to the people who has died in his life. The beat is crazy and the lyrics is usually lilwayne when he wants to...great
anyway
i stayed in for the whole weekend...i fucked this girl on friday so i had a reason to stay in. Saturday i got out of work and i tried to find sumthing but i got nothin... i best concentrate on school and getting money. If i didnt have a test on friday i would work on thursday cuz i should be gettin that bread instead of just layin around hopin for something to go down.
My goals
To get a new tattoo
To color in a new one
To graduate with enough money to get a puppy and then some
To get an ipod and do away with my old one
get some new clothes H&M shit'
Like i told Ty im changin my style up, alot less urban wear and more grown and sexy. I shouldnt have told her cuz she gonna eat it up she already told me she goin shoppin with me when i come back with enough money lol. I miss her, I cant let her know cuz she got a big head lol but i do. She already told me she misses me so i let her know that after she said that but i didnt let her know exactly how much i do miss her.
SPEAKING OF GIRLS
OK this girl is doin sumthin to me, Ny just let me know that she has been mad at me for the last two weeks, she let me know cuz supposedly she forgot why. I was like what the fuck why do you keep hiding this shit from me. She's sayin that we not as tite as we used to be becasue we dont talk as much (we text or have words everyday) and that when we do talk we have nothin to say (which is true, but i found out because she was mad at me). Then homegirl acidentally blurted out that this dude was pushin up on her to the point that she thought she was about to get raped that time she went to the club to spite me for goin out! I hate not being told the whole thing. I wasnt mad at her partly because she thought i was gonna be and the other part is because im not gonna get mad at the girl for almost being raped, its not her fault its that niggas fault. I am tite that she been withholding on me tho.
Damn sooner or later im gonna have to make a choice between these two girls. Just not now besides I already know who im gonna pick so its nothin really...
Another FULLLL week of school.. the schedule is getting to me a lil, im not gettin enough sleep...i catch up on the weekends though.
I hate this crib im livin in, its soooo dirty...its not the most fucked up place ive lived in but im a grown man i dont wanna live like this ...lol im prolly spoiled by my crib in philly. I miss my home, my mom ...and my dog that im gonna get lol I cant fuckin wait for my rott its gonna be a crazy winter...
2months and 20 days till i DIPPPPP
Ima keep this as short as possible cuz i got a 'guest' commin over
i dunno why i had her come back, but i needs the pooms so why not besides i set her straight
we just fuck buddies now
I had a hectic week yo
2 tests, buncha homeworks, Workin in a cramped up hot ass pizza store
it wasnt an especially good week but nothin bad either. ummm
one notable thing happened in my acting class. We had to write a story about an instance in your life that changed your outlook of it (life). We had to print 2 copies one with your name on it and another without your name on it. As suspected we were each given a random story and we are told to act as if it was our own. I wrote about how my depression changed my outlook on life.
On thursday some gay dude from class read my story. He didnt know it was mine but as soon as he said the first two lines i knew that he was doin my story. Homeboy plucked some girl from the class had her sit next to him like he was confessing something to her.
LOL
homeboy even wore a black hat and a black hoodie like i usually do
As he read it i felt maaaaad wierd i was lookin around to see if anyone was lookin at If not that i would look around to gauge everyones reaction to the story he was telling. He did his thing though i give him props he did my story justice lol. When he finished acting out my story i saw this one chick look over to my direction, i didnt really care, if anything it was speculation. Damn this one 6 foot shorti in that class i wanna fuck her sooo badd. She got a baaawwdy lol. Hopefully we gets a luv scene shiet ima prolly kiss her foreal lol
I feel like im in grade school in that class. You HAVE to express yourself in that class, theres no holding back or else you gonna feel wierd. I feel like the class clown again even though there are enough of em in there already.
Best class ive taken ever.... and its only week 2 (missed a week cuz it was closed)
now for the freakfest thats about to take placce
this chick better not show up here with a stank pussy like last time, or else my jawn is gonna die on her again lol
Im startin to think that somethins wrong wit me..(yes something new)
I feel like my mask is fallin apart
Random people on the street would tell me to smile, people think im miserable and yes that may be somewhat true but i dont want to show it. I guess i can't help but walk around with a frown, This week has been a bit rough. I havent got much sleep and i got mad work to do.
Today in acting class i actually participated, by choice.
We were supposed to be an A and B couple....
An A person is a dominant, sorta confident male manifested in physical cues...planted feet, good posture, pronounced voice
A B person is the opposite a meek person who cant keep eye contact, fidgety, making him/herself small, low voice
Although i think i am a mixture of the two i felt like a B after the exersize though
me and this girl were acting like we were on a date, I was the A person, She was the B person.. I dont know if it was because its my first time acting, ever, in front of an audience lol; but i fucked up.. My voice was low and myh feet werent planted and i didnt have good posture. I needed coaching to be an A person lol.... It bugged me a lil but i got over it the second and third time i went up i killed it, i had people givin me props. It should be smooth sailing from here. I think this class will be beneficial to me in a way thats more than acting. lol who knows i may even return to being the total class clown i was in grade school.
Work was FUCKING ANNOYING today. Not only did i have to do everything but the manager is treatin me like a bitch or sum shit. Every muhfucka in there got their break before me and i came into work earlier than most of em. Whenever i would ask for my break she would always have something to say to the point that i feel she was trying to style on me (lol). She would put me on the ovens everyday and everytime i step away to get a breather she has something to say.....maybe im being touchy but i dont like this bitch fo real...ever since she called me a liar twice (second time i let her know) I knew i wouldnt like her at alll. I'm defenitely gonna look for another job soon as i get these tests out of the way; either that or ask for a transfet to another unit...just not zepps or wendys or the kitchen lol...Mall here i come...Until then this bitch is still my boss and I'll do as she says but other than that im not having words with her. She says something other than an order its goin one ear out the other.
Lemme get to work
Ive always wanted a Dog or at least a fuckin pet. Now that a nigga is somewhat in an environment where a dog is acceptable im finna start a Rottweiler fund. I used to be scared of dogs. There was this black lab that would always stare and bark at me whenever i was around. I was a lil youngin in the bronx going in and out of the lobby and there he was with that old redheaded bitch lol. Anyway growing up i was shook everytime i seen a dog. Three years ago dogs became acceptable to me. They were everywhere around the college ghetto. Chances are that if you were going into watever house he/she was gonna have a Dog of some sort, Most likely a pitbull.
I finally socialized with dogs because there was no wa imna show people im scared of anything. Doing that i beat my fear of canines. Couple years ago i wouldnt even dream about having a rottwieler..them muthafuckers are HUGE. If exersized right them mofos will have muscles out the ass. My ex roomate had his boy comeover with this huge jawn of a rottweiler named Marley (most likely after Bob). That thing automatically ran the crib. Rotts have a presence about them. They stand for somethin symbollically. If one would see one roaming the street alone chances are that whoever that is will try to avoid it. They appeal to me, its like having a lion for a pet. Ima train it OD though theres no way i can leave such an animal with my moms or grandmother untrained. I wouldnt know where to start but thats what the internet is for yeah.
Ohh yeah Marley Story:
everyone was chillin in our apartment living room including the dog at its masters feet. Layin around eyes locked on to anyone that was talkin. It looked at me and I looked back into its eyes. This went on (on and off) for about 10 minutes. He wouldnt take his eyes off of me. I look at him again and it stood up suddenly, as if it can see into me or sumshit. I was shook as fuck because he is right there. Then it started growling in a low ass gruff as if its warning me or someshit. I stayed there because if i moved chances are it will attack me lol. I was ready to take it tho, i thought it was inevitable at that point lol. It starts barking and his owner grabs him by the leash and shit, saving my black ass. The think must have felt my aura...im not exactly a ray of sunshine lol
I was about to get a ferret but i heard that they are too high maintenance and they like to steal shit lol
yeah im deleting what went on that last night...i know that this is a blog only for my eyes but still, somethings should never be written down
Any way i found out i have a Human Sexuality test on friday, Im gonna start tonight after work. Copying notes n shit, Im gonna have to study all week since im working the next two days (im workin today too). This will mark the time where im gonna actually have to work. I have to be very serious about this because i want the prestige ofleaving college above a 3.0 i got a (2.8). Fall semester aint usually much trouble, everything is spread apart fairly. ummm i decided to leave tha comment Ny sent me in the pending box, pending me finding an excuse that its not on my wall... ima probably get a layout without a comment box in a couple of days, i know Pyzam.com does that shit.
I just gotta give it a few days...
Homegirl Malikka is doin her thing, she got everything figured out. Sometimes i wish that i had chose a better major. I thought soc was interesting when i first started college but being around it made me think different. I want to go into urban planning and that need grad school. Being that im graduating in december should i wait until i leave school to make moves toward grad school. I think i should because i dont wanna be studying for no GRE's while i got 6 classes and a job to balance. Ima portion that jawn separately so that i can concentrate on doing em at my fullest concentration.
I dunno why but i feel down...
lol homegirl told me i write wierd status messages on facebook lol. I wonder if everyone else thinks so. Its watever they know im not that crazy, much soo..
This is Janelle Monae
Cute aint she, sorta reminds me of Kendra, she mad small. Anyway i got her album awhile ago and i stumbled (shuffle) into one of her songs and i was amazed at the pipe she has. She can sing and she's not like all them other Beyonce clones. Her album: Metropolis-Suite I: The Chase is short but its tight she is a mix of old school yet shes out there. The beats are tight and she complements them beautifully. Homegirl got a new fan lol
Imeem Many Moons; you won't regret it...
Well anyway im off to my lame ass job
Ima pray that i have the strength to keep this up
danm my hands still smell like pussy
I was thinking on the ride home with FWB that girls are at a serious disadvantage when dealin with us. Probably me specifically. Im not gettin conceited but im just sayin. Dudes just go in a certain way depending on the female and in their mind they can be thinkin eff this girl but act so nicely and genuine and the girl is none the wiser. All we want is to fuck and doing what i did to that girl last semester and this chick now. I feel that we were both playin football n shit but i was on steroids. I had the upper hand it wasnt even an upper hand. I was not feeling shorty from the jump i even swore off that blackplanet myspace shit cuz of what went on tonite, these bitches coulda been on some KKK shit and i wouldnt be standin here. Thank god im ok buut because he did that im able to break some girls heart. Maybe its not that deep yet tho cuz after all i didnt fuck her so who knows.
I mean its not like girls aint got jack over us. They got us by the balls in all honesty. But certain men dont like every girl that happens to walk by (race,size...watever). There are ones that we just want because they like us so we might as well get in the draws. Men incite emotion, women display that emotion men act accordingly. Its like one is playin with their cards face down while the other party is playing face up. Thats what i did tonight, i took a girls emotions and turned it against her and cashed in. She entrusted me with a certain level of trust and i played on it. I knew where she was at, i twisted it and made her do whatever i want. She waited there as i did my thing and when it was time I came in her mouth, all because she liked how nice i was, how im not like other guys, how sweet i was. Everytime a girl like that tells me how sweet i am and how im not like other guys im like "shiet you don't know nothing sweetheart". I am a wolf in sheep's clothing. I show girls who i am but i plot on em every time and im tired of it.
Im tired of fuckin with these vulnerable less than pretty girls. I mean i know its heartless and this is probably the most disgusting thing i ever wrote but i dont give a fuck, I told you i was cold. Here i am and they talking about this nigga and that dude...exes and fucktards and im pretending to care for em like I was interested in them. They label me so nice but i really aint. As soon as FWB swallowed some kids i was like, how am i gonna get her outta here. I have an idea of what love may be. Ive never been in love before so i dont know what it feels like. To go from not trying to trying with intent thats good to straight up being a dog to bitches who are less than i want. I know that Love may be: when you try to not do that shit. When you dont try as hard to get in them draws. When her company is enough. When you just want to be in her presence and sex is almost an after thought. I hope someone tells me im right cuz if i aint than this life just got more shittier.
I feel nothing
In other news this chick wrote on my myspace wall, well not exactly its sitting in the pending box awaiting confirmation. In this message she says she thinks about me alot and how she got mad love for me. My first thought was not "aww how nice" or even "damn this one wants me OD" but got damn what would Tie think.
(realization)
wow, shits the truth too i was like if Tie sees this she gonna leave me alone and i dont want that. Ive been buggin ever since i saw that message and its been fuckin me up. I cant not show it then this girl will be like: "what the fuck what u embarrased of me? who u hidin the message from?" then ima have to out myself or tell her somthin else and i dont wanna get that deep at ALLLL. My life just got a lil bit complicated. I gotta dodge FWB then figure this out?! smh
Its crazy how i still hold her in that regard though, I want her and sex is almost an after thought with her, even tho she got goldigga tendencies i can work her through that. Im still feelin her tho but thats besides the point!!!! madda fact i should delete that last paragraph!!!
Ny.... i dunno what to do with her ( cuz i like her too but she has a bit of baggage)...the future aint lookin too bright i can feel it...
I need to talk to my Moms yo...i need somebody
damn
yo
(shakes head)
I had me a day, and i was supposed to rest too...
(looks at myspace)
fuck!!! life just got a bit more complicated
umm iite first story
This girl hit me up on black planet and although i shoulda deaded her then i didnt cuz i was bored and she sorta looked aight (pic was from a couple years ago).
Deleted the rest; ima keep the rest in my cap
Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled by him; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved."'
oh yrsh
thought of a sick idea for something lol
A man whos father killed his mother. goes searching for the stepfather who killed his mother. As he avoids him this man procedes to kill all seven of his stepsisters. Beckoning loudly for his father to stand before him and face him so that he can take his revenge.-DONALD VIGNE
Sick shit huh, this will def be some chinese movie like "Oldboy". That movie is OD crazy so only a person who can get down with that can help pruduce, direct ...and buy lol
who knows maybe i can make a script out of it...but i havent even wrote a 10 page paper yet...much less a 600 word jawn ....we'll see.
Speaking of pigs
something has been buggin me a lil
Its a new semester and i saw this girl that really was feeling me. Last semester she would occasionally do some outlandish shit to get my attention and it worked sorta (big ass titties but big ass stomach also). Wounded up playing pool with her one night at alumni quad. We werent there alone there was a bunch of us. Ever since then she was vying to get my attention and i wouldnt give it to her, lol even tho them titties was callin me, i didnt really fuck with her. Until she facebook IMed me like around 4am. We got into a conversation and it started to head south. She talkin about suckin my dick if i'd eat her out. I was drunk so i was like fine (no way ida done that but i said it to get her movin) come through. I had to meet her halfway so i did and we forward to my crib. She comes in and goes in the living room. I was like ?? and went into my room. She said the living room was a mess so she followed me in. I close the door and we sit on my bed and started to talk, she starts askin me all types of questions. She even told me about the shit she done heard about me (most likely from one source: her friend). Eventually we lay in the bed and i proceeded to make moves, she wasnt having it. Thats what she said but the way she said it led me to believe she was playin. She was acting coy about it so i pushed more went in to kiss her a couple of times. I even pulled her titties out started suckin on em, nothing. Ive just been fronted on cuz she said she wasnt suckin my dick. She said all we've discussed was her gettin her pussy ate. long story short I kicked her out at like 6AM in the morning. No way was this waking up with me and we aint do nothin. I was just like you cant stay here...I said it as calm as a hindu cow. She left and i felt bad watchin her go down so i offered to walk her home but she refused.
I saw her today and although we resloved the issue i still feel bad about doing that to her. That instance has shown me how far ive come from what i was. I was a good natured, nice guy growing up. The old me woulda let her stay just for wanting to spend time with me, but the new me didnt even want that. I got colder...
I knew it was wrong but i did it anyway, young jawn coulda got robbed raped or kidnapped n shit and i woulda been the nigga whos last seen her. OK, that is a bit much but im just saying that i regretted doing her like that. Especially the way it went down, it prolly was a major L for her but i didnt care, why should I? I dunno i just know that in the past it probably wouldnt have gone down the way it did and its become apparent on how far ive come attitude wise thats all.
She's cool about it, homegirl still playful with me but, i feel that it just reinforces her friends belief about me. Her friend i got up with last fall semester. I didnt do her wrong but i think she resents me because she cheated on her boyfriend with me. If you call makin out with a nigga while drunk cheating( i do to). We were dancing well, dubbing and i pushed the envelope a little and started makin out with her, danced sommore until we moved to the "chair of life" (lol). Then i proceed to make out with her somemore. eventually i started grippin in between her thighs. I started to go under her shirt and under them jeans (in front of everybody lol but they were dancing n shit) but she drew the line and i obliged after a couple more attempts. I asked her to come back with me but she wasnt havin it and i was cool. I saw her again (both our crews chilled again) and she was akward about it, makin me akward about it and i kinda got the feeling she resented me about the whole thing. Understandably so but its not like i knew she had a boyfriend. I didnt stress it even now i try not to see her when i see her lol. I try to be nice tho, no over extension. Its watever but watever resentment she had for me then probably increased due to the fact i did what i did to her friend...oh well
it is what it is...
Yess my hell week is over...
ive been walkin around class to class, home to school...
with out any mp3 player..no music...i might as well be muted
IM SOO EXCITED ABOUT HAVIN MY CHARGER BACK ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.
I dont really know much people in albany anymore and im not really od interested in knowing other people soo walkin around without music was terrible.
Ive gotten like 5 mixtapes and 3 albums since i left philly and i havent heard a lick of em yet. My shits on charge right now so that will change very soon.
G's in the hospital and if i find out her pops is behind this i dunno what im gonna do. G is one of my "friends" over here in philly and she opened up to me immidiately. She's notexactly of age so
(tsalkin to her)
(im on the phone wit her now)
!!!
(ohh shitt im in trouble)
(hangs up)
Shit im in trouble yo, maybe im safer in albany lol. ummm i dunno how to deal with this without having to break someones heart. (im swearing off youngins after these two)
butt during my time in Philly ive met a few ladies and among the ones that like me ( ;-) pops collar). I know for certain that two of these girls wanna hubb me up. It just became two like about 3 minutes ago. Now the first one "Ny" i started diggin her cuz she got the body. But after i told her about myself and got into a few heart to heart deep convos with her she started to OD feel me. I mean she was open from the jump like "you are the type of guy i need", "you are my ideal fella" at first i was shocked because usually for such a reaction to occur i think a few months has to go by, maybe days...but what do i know ive never been OD wrapped up in somebody else. Eventually i started liking her the same way but with reservation because shiet i never seen the girl before. So with her half the time im acting the other i find myself sayin shit i mean.
This other girl, my white philllie ever since she saw me she started feeling me. I was my charmin ass self. The more interest she gave the more i gave (thats how i do it, if one is neutral towards me ima do the same thing). The problem is again is that she is underage i had her in her room talkin, watchin tv even takin pics...we were OD vibing;but i couldnt touch her at least not in the ways i wanted to. The looks her white pops gave me (or didnt give me) made me cautious around her house. Her mom seemed cool though ( yes i met her parents). I didnt want to catch a charge so i didnt put hands on her in places that i wanted to touch. We made out by the busstop though. well i just finished talkin to her about 20 minutes ago and she is also sprung offa me. She knew that i was concerned about the age, not enough to stop advancing but enough to keep it in mind. I say this because I called her (she was in the hospital cuz her friends old ass dick in a glass punched her in the gut, fuck i hate it when guys hit girls!!!!) and after I saw how she was she brought up her birthday. She was turning 18 or "legal" as she put it. heres how it went:
G:how old are you again
me:22
G:oh yeah cuz my birthday is coming up
me:oh word
G:yeah, guess how old i'll be
me:hmm iunno cuz when i first met you you switched up on me
G:you serious!?!?
me:mmm 18
G:you serious Don (laughs) yeah 18
G:yess ima be legal
G:so we can be together
G:you can be my boo
Me:uh....yeahh
G: im dead serious
G: we can be together, forever!
Me: yeahh (nervously)
G: we can have kids
G:and get a big house
Me: yeahhh( same tone)
Me: you serious?!?
G: Im dead serious Don
G: well ima go lay down
me: iite
G: ima call you tonite, love you Don
me: !! uhh okkk, u gon call me later? iite
Why the fuck i kept saying yeah? you had to be there lol
Im gonna have a choice to make or i can fuck both of them and do nothing ?!?!? that works also
so 3 choices.. no there is no leave them both alone because that leaves my dick dryer than the sahara.. Im such a pig yo...
Speaking of that ... i have something else to write
Jealousy
Yeah jealousy reared its head from both sides this weekend. "Ny" got jealous well her actions were a product of jealousy but she got bent over the fact that i went to a bar on saturday. She called me earlier in this other firl were goin around drinkin up a storm (til she started wanting coke). She called me and i told her wats good, straight up. "Ive been drinking and im with so and so" (drunk moment) and this happened. Then she stops me and was like oh you were with a girl huh...
My honest ass just told her cuz its not like anything happened for me to have to hide sumthin, shiet i wanted something to happen but coke got in the way (excuses, excuses).
Any way i tell ol girl i was goin to the bar again and she was like... i thought we werent doin this again...(we had a heart to heart when i came back, drunk as a muthafucka, left her Ouvrir!!!! lol)
Soon as she said that i was like ???? " I didnt say i wasnt gonna drink again!!?!" She was like oh ok iwith her attitude up n shit. I was like you mad? and of course she said no because you're gonna do what you're gonna do right? you don't care about what i gotta say. I didn't say shiiiit after that because im the type to see a dumb argument comming and to dead it right there. Besides i didnt even know what to say because I AM going to do what im going to do while im out here and single...sorta.
I texted her while i was over there and she was like call me tommorow. I was like ?? cuz we usually talk late at nites n shit. She wouldnt even tell me the reason, she just said it even after i said why. I call her the next day and she was visibly tite by the sound of her voice, lol she even told me the reason why she asked me not to call her the nite before. She even went to a bar her damn self!! As soon as she said this i knew it was for spite and i knew she was od insecure about me being out here. I 'm mad she's all childish about it even tho i give her the chance to voice watever is bothering her she still chooses to go through the motions.
So i talk to shorti today and I asked her about the bar after some small talk and silent moments. Come to find out she actually went (maybe... she tells me..) and she tells me that dudes were feeling up on her booty n shit and she told me that some mothafucka even tried to take her home. I was like ?? huh part of me was like nah she trying to get me to react, but by then it was too late, i kept thinkin about it. Then jealousy reared its head from me. Its a cycle, then she says "if you want me to not go anymore i wont" . Me being the smart guy held off on saying such a thing becasue then she will feel ok sayin that to me and that is not a promis im trying to make. At least not until i get them draws first. Part of me was tryin to be strategic while the other wants to get emotional and be like no dont go to clubs anymore.
Yes i do like this girl, more than usual...but its just some in the moment stuff, or maybe not. She got me callinn her all types of names n isht lol. So me getting a lil bent about the situation is ok because we feelin each other.
Mind is water
and the drink fucks up the ebb
adding water to an ocean already at capacity
fucking up
thoughts in danger of drowning at sealevel
coagulating droplets
forming thoughts,
fucking up instincts
numbing pain
killing inhibition
storms ensue fuckin up the body of water
rivers run wild out of orfices
storms fogg up the brain
walking sometimes are tidal waves crashing into
watever
then it subsides almost like in a sleeping slumber
in the night
the morning is never beautufil however
(write about the moon)
sexymama395: wats poppin
PHIBKing: nothin ma
PHIBKing: chillin in the dark
PHIBKing: talkin to various folks
sexymama395: oh word so y u didn;t go to the bar?
PHIBKing: too late and im gettin tired
sexymama395: oh y u not sleep
PHIBKing: cuz im not slepy
sexymama395: oh so watcha doin?
PHIBKing: nothin
PHIBKing: really
PHIBKing: just web surfin
sexymama395: oh what u on?
PHIBKing: mozilla n shit
PHIBKing: readin poetry wit my homie from back home
sexymama395: oh u read poerty?
sexymama395: do u write them?
PHIBKing: i write from time to time
PHIBKing: i never read em b4 til now
sexymama395: oh word then spit sum poems to me
PHIBKing: lol when u goin to sleep
sexymama395: when ever i feel like
PHIBKing: iite so lemme finish this session with her then ima get at yu
sexymama395: iight
PHIBKing: wats ya # or do yu want me to type yu the jawn
sexymama395: my # is 585-266-8613
PHIBKing: iite i got yu
*** sexymama395's IC window is closed
Greaaaat this semester is starting off like ASS
i got no click that shit is official its been a week and i barely hung out with anyone
Classes are ok im taking six of em and its gonna be a rough semester
but im shooting for the 4.0 and im finna get it. Its not that bad besides im taking french 102 (took french in high school) and im taking acting. Im mad excited for acting, i think i have the chops and i can finally determine if its sumthin i can do.
As far as friends go, im makin new ones but no one sticks as of yet. I needs me a click to roll wit. The lone wolf thing can get a bit unreliable when it comes to shit out here. You tend to miss alot. Im bout to hit up a bar tho so... lol
This girl is back and i got her lovin me mmore than ever. I gotta keep it that way too. it will be easy she callin me future hubby and all that. Its cool for now but i dunno, if it lands me in her gutts than why not, fuck the good guy. I gotta keep checkin her while im out here cuz i didnt with this one lets call her T. I was sleepin with T a goood while last semester. Almost every nite i was over there. I think i talked about her once before on here. She was the one that hurt my feelings lol... ( i didnt think they still can be hurt but she brought that back). I wasnt checkin her as often as she thought i should and now that we back in school she givin me the cold shoulder. She was in the beggining of the semester i confronted her about it a lil and i think its over between us n shit.
Its watever i dont really care but i just thought it be easy to get back with her so that we could fuck around again. obviously not tho. I liked her tho, she was cool as hell, had all the right features but ohh well i just need to find a next girl ... hopefully at this bar im goin to... Holla
Yeap thats the motto of this school year, well, semester for me. Almost everyone i know is gone the rest are scattered across the school doin they own thing. Me like usual im left dolo. I know its just the second week but its not shaping up to be good. The weekend came up and i had no clue where to go. In this town its unimaginable especially for me. Thats how you know that a place is not for you. I went to the local bar for happy hour and i felt like it was freshman year again. A familiar face here and there but no one i stayed for. I guess that lone wolf bullshit i was spittin a few 10 posts ago was bull huh. I need peoples in order to have a good time out here.
The mission will always be to get at least a 3.5 and maybe it is for the best that i dont have much friends out here. Ive always dreaded it and here it is. It could be worse though, i could be here for the fuckin year lol. I applied for graduation today and it hit me OD that im gonna graduate. I gotta strive for that walk down that isle with a clear conscience, a clear mind, knowing that my graduation is worth sumthin. Cuz after the high of walkin will come what ive always wanted. The freedom to do me fully without some school taking ova my days.
I dont feel like typing anymore...
Slipknots new album is HARD as fuck
im back to being a heavy metal head
yess before i was sober i was baout to blog... so ima blog while drunk so yall can see wat im like
ok
heres my nite
1030 i call some girl who i wouldnt hango out wit randoml;y
but since we dec graduates we pledge to fuc wit each other till we ealve since mufuccas left the school graduated n shit
but
hiomegirl is a crack head
i couldnt beat since she was bitchin about wantin coke so much
i dont fuc wit crakheads but this one was cloes
she was feelin me but the call was too much and she deissappeared into the nite by her self
my drunk ass wasnt gonna follow her
hahah
its wateve im bak talkin to tahat broad fomr yhesteryear
its gettin serious ima have her wait for me i dont want no ONE beatin till i do
depends on how she doses depends ifm y hear t willl follow
my didlc been wateed hger but ,iscommunications
its watevfer shexepained herslef yesterday nite
ant i beliefve her
i feel like she a baby mama so she wans to hang on to anyone who wants her despite
but im def not fuckin wit a babymoms of 2
specially toa phillty mofp
NY nigggas are way to smart for that
pzzzzzzzz
Aight niggaz is in albany
ive had a busy ass day...first one in a looooong time.
Got mad shit done i feel somewhat accomplished haha.
We woke up at like 5am took a shower then proceeded to pack shit up which included food packed clothes and otha shit. i fucked up packin my shit because i have waaaay too much clothes over here. When we touched down i made 2 bags full of excess clothes and sent em home with moms but i still got clothes out that ass. I hate having baggage in this place (being that its temporary, especially since im gonna graduate in december)
(counts in one hand)
September
October
November
DECEMBERR!!!!!
hahah niggas is getting closure fo real ima do my work early this year so i can soak that shit up as it ends, but lemme stop, the race hasnt even begun yet.
After the six hour drive (yes six hours) we finally came to my crib and it was less than stellar. My room and my shit was dusty as hell, but in a whole it was a minor problem, we just spic and spanned it and it looks right now. The last owner left me this sick ass desk, better than my 20 inch jawn that i had before lol. As i look around im seeing that everything is cool rite now. I just came back from gettin a haircut. YES by an actuall barber..my shit is lookin especially fresh. I wasnt gonna get one but since i gots me a Job i was like why the fuck not lol! Yes niggas got a job, yeah its the same shitty pizza store as last semester but its 120 a week. at least for september cuz im defenitely cutting them shits back to make way for academics. Nice to say im getting paid the wednesday after next!! (mad explanation points today) First thing im gettin is my Tattoo. I think i may have mentioned it earlier in the blog. Its going to be a tattoo of the theatre masks: Comedy and Tradgedy (drawn by me) and there will be a libra symbol under the tragedy mask adjacent to the comedy one. The next thing ima do is save up. Ima put aside a puppy fund to get me a dog when i get back to PA. and ima save up for an electric guitar :-D.
I need to be focused though...i want to shoot for a 4.0 this semester, end on a strong note. It can be done but i just need to be on my shit. It may happen too becasue fall semester is usually my best semester so we'll see what happens. GATTAMN ALBANY HEADS ARE LUVIN DREAM..EVERY CAR THAT PASSES BY IS BLASTING THAT ONE SONG!!!!!!!11
any way there are some sexy jawns up here i just need to get drunk but not too drunk that will def fuck my shit up, besides its not as appealing as it used to be.
My last day day in Philadelphia until I go back to Albany.
i gotta shave my head or at least make efforts to find a barber out here. I havent been able to find such a barber besides i dont trust em so easy. Shit i should try, all it takes is a walk through the door. Damn but i need to find such a door i haven't even laid eyes on a barbershop yet lol.
After writing this im probably gonna start packing my shit. I dont need nor do i want to bring alot of clothes. Most of the stuff i brought are going out wear so im probably gonna have to bring em anyway. A buch of my rags in albany are most defenitely comming back with my mom in Philly.
Saying goodbye to my fam? i usually hold it well, never any tears or nothing but gottamn they are gonna be farther away from me. I liked having the comfort of having home at least in state. An amtrak or a greyhoud and im 2 hours from home. Now i gotta cross state lines and shit.
I most defenitely need to clean my room. Worst situation and im looking at being in albany from tommorow til december and i need to take care of my jawn now so that ....you know what? saying that shit is pointless lol.
The mindset i have in albany and the one i have at home are different. Thats why me having the nickname "Don-V". Donald (especially in a new setting like PA) is a bit reserved, he doesnt drink or smoke. Don V drinks smokes gets od twisted, has mad friends, is more focused at times.
prepare for my ride
Today was a good day. Yes a bit remeniscent of Ice Cubes jawnt but nonetheless it was a good day today. I woke up early without an alarm to watch U.S.A. whipp Australias ass in Basketball. Ate a hearty breakfast lol. Umm my mom got her final check from her job in Brooklyn and she was feeling a bit charitable. So she got me season 5 of THE WIRE!!!! to finish my collection! Now i got me the whole set. The Wire is a great series. Its real too real for T.V. thats probably why it hasnt won an oscar, much less get nominated for one. The cast is 75-80% black and it deals with what goes on in REAL black neighborhoods. Its cool but thats not the highlight of my day well, i wouldnt say that this is an OD high lite ...well lol probably is.
But i went out with this girl yesterday and it was cool ( I thought we were just getting drinks but fuck we wound up eating getting into some good conversation. Then there was Macy's i dont know how we wound up in there but its watever. The Macys down town is tight they have somebody playing the Organ and shit. It looked like a museum, all victorian and shit. We weren't there for me ohh no.... shoe looking. Thats not the point it was all cool until we were looking at jewelry and she asked me to buy her one. I was like !! you trippin! (yeah i didnt actually say that but the facial expression said it). Granted i known the girl for like 3 months but still thats OD. She not only asked once she asked 3 times on 3 separate peices lol! I was stunned, annnnd turned off. She has a sense of humor but i dunno, I just hope she was joking because she floored me with that jawn. I didnt even think about lockin lipps after that situation. I should have seen it comming though. LISTEN...she asked me to buy her something for her birthday. That aint shit at all im obviously (were maybe) feeling her so of course ima get her a lil sumthing (besides my birthday is before hers so she has to make a move first :-D). Then we were talkin a few days back and a dog and his owner walk by....this jawn asks me if i would buy her a dog! Im not a cheap nigga at all if you happen to be the object of my affection i'd get you something once in a while to show that, but this aint my flow at all. I feel like she trying to use me and you know how i feel about that. Im not gonna let her use me but if she keeps playing this position she gonna get waived. I hope she was joking though cuz she could be something more ya digg? lol i done told my mother and lets just say that it ruins her chances of getting in the good graces of my mom...if the future holds that shit. Moms thinks shes a gold digger i did too but maybe she was jokin (thats the third time i wrote that I reeeaally hope she jokin lol)
If there was ever something consistent in my life it has been that i was always a Tupac fan. Shiet more than a fan I admired the nigga. Dude has been dead for like 12 years yet he gets a spot in my day almost everyday. Whether it is through his music or whatever movies hes in. I digg his music no doubt but the way he showed himself to the world i most certainly admire. Dude was real as fuck, the world was his playground. I remember when he came out of a courthouse spitting at whatever camera that faced him. He did watever he wanted and the world put him in the light, mostly negative light but he didnt give a fuck. The man was a complex guy he was an artist, thugg, activist, empowered some women while bringing some down. The man had faults but who doesnt. Not everything is black and white when it comes to human beings and he reflects that. He had his idea, his ways of doing things and he carried them out as he sees fit. The way he saw the world is how i see it and ive always dug that about him
Last couple of days in philly
the only thing im worried about now is getting my Fight Club DVD from this girl
I dont know why i left it there anyway, im type mad at myself that i gotta use up another 5 bucks in bus fares to get that shit back.
.
.
.
.
.
(hours later)
Finally got my shit back. It was a big thing for me to get this back because A. Its my favorite movie and B. I cant travel without it. The last time i traveled without it my bus broke down and we had to wait 4 hours for another bus to come.
The thing i had with the chick who i watched it with has come to an end...
It was no biggie i knew it wasnt gonna last, I read her blog on how her boyfriend cheated on her and shit. She was distraught over it so i knew there was a chance that if dude wanted her back she was gonna oblige him so i was like whatever lemme see if i can get that rebound guy nutt. we chilled once well it woulda been twice but i got lost during booty call hours (can u believe that shit!!!). I chilled with her the next day (when nothing happened). She cool as hell so i hope everything is ok with her situation. Besides she's my eyeglasses frame connect and my pitbull puppy connect so its best not to burn that bridge. I did light the kerosene though i just took my DVD said thanx and kept it movin.....true Don fashion
Im mad i havent mentioned Music yet. Yes i capitalized Music like it is a name. Music can change my mood, Music can get me spring (lil kim), Music can make me sad, happy and everything in between. Ive been listening to music since i was a youngin. Back when the radio was good i was bumpin lite F.M. (my uncle loved that shit, me to a lil) i didnt really get into hip hop at first. My moms and pops wouldnt allow it. when I'd bump Z100 id hear songs like "Im Blue","Closing Time". Id listen to Kiss F.M!! OMG Kiss F.M. was the shit, id listen to everything, Barry White to Toni Braxton (my childhood crush, as of now my current crush), Mary J Blige. I was an R&B head as a youngin i didnt start listening to hip hop till....shit i dont remember but i remember that Jay-Z & Jay-D's "Money Aint a Thang" was my first hip hop music video. Ever since then i fucked with hip hop. I started hitting up Church avenue for bootlegs. My first albums were Jay-Z's Volume 3 "The life and times of S.Carter" (HOLLA!) and DMX's "Its Dark and Hell is Hot". Ive caught up with the game mos defenitely though. My love for Music has been therapy, a drug, a mood changer, a cure and a creative outlet.
The only instrument i know how to play as of now is the recorder (lol not a tape recorder a flute) and the piano. I havent played the Piano in 5 years though but i think about it alot. I certainly want to pick it up again. I also vie to learn the Electric or Acoustic Guitar and the Drums. I love the drums but im gonna gets me a guitar this year or in 2009 for sure. I want that under my belt I've always loved versatility. Ive always wanted to be a well versed person. I want to be in everything. I know shit, i know how to make pizza, i cook, i am a poet, Im an artist (tattoo,regular), I am a pianist, I am a psychology user lol.
I use psych alot in my regular life. I see something and i react to it and i usually get good results when it comes to interacting with people. Im and investigative nigga if im fuckin with a chick i like to know certain things about them before they tell me, what i dont know im a resourceful guy. You can tell alot by a person by how they act how the talk what interests them. I love making assumptions about people pulling shit off of what they do. Introversion, Extroversion, Explanatory style can tell alot. Their interests let me know what they may also possibly be into, its crazy i like doing it, im resourceful like that..or so im told ;-).
umm
Sometimes (obviously) i can be wrong. Assuming usually makes an ASS out of U and Me so i usually keep my ass to myself. I like when im wrong though..it makes it more interesting. I thought i had this girl figured out by the look of her myspace but after sharing my assumption she let me know it was a front and i believed her because she was so down to earth and real. I thought she was concieted and big headed. I have a distaste for overly concieted girls very unnatractive but in reality who really thinks they are completely perfect anyway. I know a girl who i think is OD perfect but she still think she needs work lol.
thats all i feel like sayin
oh yeah ima try to see this white jawn tommorow. No reservations this time (he white parents were home) its obvious she aint gonna be near so...bucks county it is..so suburban it scares me a lil
She cool as hell tho... O.D. kissin on me, takin pics. Got damn i need some attention. Even tho she white she been through some shit too, philly is fucked up man ima pray for my fam while im away.
yeah its been a minute since i did my thing on here soo ima write a lil sumthin sumthin
nothing eventful has really happened, mos def nothing :-(
fucckin invisobelt but ima stop with that i think its giving me bad karma or someshit
ive been playing ball alot lately and although im gettin great at it. Although my J is getting rite my Dribble is getting there my knees keep getting sore after consecutive days of playing. I feel like a nigga is getting old but then again i do go hard lol.
I cant wait to go back to albany. Even though some people wont be there due to graduation and transfers. Its a familiar place, i got people there. It been hard at times living over here with no one else to talk to. No one to chill with, drink with...get girls with. I got me a couple girls over here but without some peoples the potential over here will be bleak. This will be my home for at least a couple of years and i need to make the best of it and this is not a good start. I wonder if im gonna be a shut in over there, whether im going to be the homebody i am here. LMAO...nah impossible i got me a job and classes bars clubs, thats albany for me. Im gonna bask in the ambiance that is albany while im there dolo because it mos defenitely wont last forever.
shit i just realized something
Maybe im meant to be alone..
I got the attitude, the outlook on life, the demeanor
i got the invisible belt
no real relationships
the genetic disposition (moms)
its never really bothered me becasue ive been alone for a long time now but ive recentley tried to strive to be with whoever, buncha ladies got closed nothing stuck... im startin to believe that that annd the invisible belt as of late is a sign that the man upstairs aint trying to have me be with no one... got me bouncing around from BK to albs, ALBS to philly... no time to set up something concrete.. i know its stopping my situation with shorty rite now. Sure fuckin shoties is something but ive been tired of that, i dont even do one night stands. My mission always was to find someone who could get me...maybe thats too much...For now im gonna ignore my realization and keep trying. I was never scared of being alone castration was more my scare but being alone is something i dont want a part of.
I'm watchin "From G's To Gents" right now. This week they are talking about chivalry.
Chivalry is defined as courteous behavior from men directed at women. Chivalrous deeds may be opening a door for a lady, pulling her chair out...shit like that, lol. The general attitude towards the term is that the term is dead. The general idea is that the term is dead and that Men have turned their back on treating females that way.
I don't think that's the case. Right now the males just screen or filter out the chicks that deserve chivalrous action from the chicks that down. We treat people how we do but when we se someone "special" we tend to not act like ourselves. We get a bit nicer and depending on what vibes one gives off we will respect her that more thus giving off a more chivalrous aura. Ima tell you: alotta dudes out here do not want to get played. We dodge that shit more than we try to dodge the virus. Especially when in certain situations like when we in front of people, our boys, other girls and whatnot. I know i don't like getting played. I don't really get played overtly just in lil ways, which are annoying and leaves me like ???. I thought closure was a chick thing, i know i appreciate it. Anyway we don't like gettin played so we wont extend the chivalrous branch to every girl we see. Besides girls don't even like that shit. An overtly chivalrous dude is played for a fool time and time again. lol I remember when i was little. I was such a nice young boy. I was quiet, laid back and nice. Teachers liked me old folks liked me. I would go out of my way to help anyone. I would open the door for people when they would walk into the building. I would usually be outside playing then if i see someone walking to the door id open it for em especially if it was a lady. It was at the point where i was playing doorman, lol. Well as i kept doing this i noticed people werent saying thank you anymore and i stopped doing it.
Generally as a kid i was innocent yet people showed me that being the innocent lil tyke who says please and thank you, opens doors for strangers and waits their turn doesn't work in the world. Ive learned that you will be stepped on time and time again, you will be played, you wont be respected, you will be belittled and ostracized repeatedly by the general populous. Maybe its too much but look around you, the nicest people ive known has always been suckas to me, look around yourself. Growing up i realized that that wasnt for me. Watching how the world react to me made me realize that a change was needed. I didnt need to OD break my back for people. It made me weak, doing all that sends a message that said "i care what you think of me" "i want you to know I'm a nice person". Look at Urkel, nicest motherfucker on TV yet people keep shitting on him to the point that they have to catch themselves and say that "he has feelings", lol like they forgot he was human.
I wasnt put in this world to help muthafuckas. My mother wanted me to be a nurse LMAO not for me, not a traditionally male profession and i don't want to help people, My mom wanted me to become a Physical Therapist, i was like no, dont want to help people. lol, i do want to get into real estate and probably psychotherapy but that goes a bit deeper than just helping people.
Most people in this world was born by themselves, EVERY MOTHAFUCKA WILL LEAVE THIS WORLD ALONE...
Ive learned that you have to do you, fuck everyone else. From that instance my outlook on life has changed, was it for the better, maybe i know im better for it. Im more comfortable walking in my own solid foundation under my feet. It did make me a bit more gaurded though, Obviously i sound like its me against the world. Granted i do feel that way and it may not be right but i just dont want to be put into that light you know. Going that extra mile when it comes to certain chivalrous action or even being real nice takes alot out of me. I either act neutral or bad to the general population, call it a defense mechanism, i dont know. I know its wrong but it is how i am. I dont want to stepped on or used. You know that USING me is probably the worst thing to do for me, the more material the worse you're off with me. I dont like being used for anything. Its belittling and ive built myself from the ground up for too long to be belittled. There is two chicks that moved into my building in albany and im not sure if im gonna talk to them when i go back, off of them using me in the past. its whatever though i dont know if im ever gonna get "cured" of this and im not sure if i want to, the world demands it....
PZ
oh yeah hol upp
Umm When i see people who are like i was i mentally puke. I get so disgusted with them that they didn't learn the lesson ive learned. Thats why i can't relate to my Mother. I was always a cold child, not the coldest but im defenitely not a heart warmer. There are certain things i see in her that i dont like. If i was the nicey nice boy when i was a youngin then she may be the reason, genetic disposition i suppose. She repeatedly lets people shit on her. Whether it be her sister, her mom, my brother or some random mothafucka off the street or wherever she stay lettin people do her dirty. If its owed money she won't ask for it back if it is overdue. If she did X for her brother, when it comes time for him to do Y he hesitates or bitches out. Thats why i resent the shit out of my extended family. I dont know why they like me so much i hardly treat them good or bad, always neutral.
In july we went over to my aunts and there was this 5 year old youngin over there. Smart as fuck mad potential in the world i come to find out that he was a child of incest and his grandmother been beatin on him (more than the avg haitian disciplinarian).
I heard this from my mother on the way back to Philly.
She didnt think it would be a good idea to tell me while i was over there because she knew i would do something. I can be apathetic sometimes but this situation got to me more than usual and it hurt me that she didnt tell me expecially. The situation told me that she would rather ignnore the wrong and just let it slide and that me and my mother are not in the same page. I've always looked up to strong people and my mother is not that. It pains me to write this but its true, shes amazing when it comes to taking care of her kids and making sure she does us right but she has no other ambition other than that. A strong woman would stand alone and tell that old bitch whats good shiet she probably would have snatched up the kid and took him in. Im not saying shes not a good person she's just too much of a shut in, my brother is following in her footsteps.
I didnt know what to do when it came to Greggie, Yea it aint my problem but i wouldnt let the youngin stay with his bitch of a grandmother (i was thinkin evil things on the ride back). With my mother being the way she is and the fact that we dont belive in the same shit. It pushes me further apart from her. I lend her consul from time to time because she is suffering from a negative mind state. She's a negative person and it fucks with her stress, im trying to help her but she keeps thinking this way. Im trying to help her get over being a pushover to her family but who knows if its workin, Maybe i should lead by example...
Im tired of writing this shit is bringin me in a down mood... less than 2 weeks and im out of Philly for a while and back into school, Its like going between hell and the pit to hell
later yall
This has been a summer of personal grownth, not only do i look as exeptional as ever. Ive reinforced my singularity. Ive learned to stand on my own. Granted ive been dolo forever but ive been striving for that to change. Ive always wanted to be a part of a group. Ever since i first saw "The Best Man" ive always wanted a click that i can grow old with. A group of friends i can call brothers. Ive been in clicks after clicks yet nothin really stuck. Maybe it wasnt meant to be but its all good. I work better alone anyway. Me being the click jumper i was in my previous years at albany taught me that i like doing me. Ive been a lone wolf since forever maybe joinin a click or being in one is against my nature. Last semester was crazy though there was 6 of us and we'd always do shit togetha. Me and another transfer for that semester were add ons but we were six. We worked together, party together, go bar hopping shiet wed even try to run a GB lmao...everyone around knew who we were n shit lol...i aint never been a part of such a thing. I had girls askin "where your boys at?", "What ya'll gettin into tonite?" Shit like that was a change for me i'm not used to being associated with other folks that way. It was tite while it lasted. 3 of us graduated so 3 of us is left and one of us is in grad school. Chances are ima be the lone wolf again this Semester but its cool cuz ima do me...like always...
!
death is a crazy thing ....R.I.P. Bernie Mac
If i were to say who the best comic was of all time it would have to be this nigga.
His voice, His mannerisms the way he says his words. The man was brimming with swagger.
If you heard this nigga speak chances are you will not forget it
He was that dude... He will be missed but never forgotten (thanx youtube)
Damn you never know when you're gonna go huh. Death is a crazy thing yo. Some people are scared of the Fact that they are going to die. After all it is a fact, everyone begins and everyone ends and we go rotten along the way. This nigga was in the percieved halfway mark of his life (50) and he got took. Whether it be car accident, Hit and run, heart problems or gettin shot we all gonna go. I made my peace with it long time ago. Buuuut before i did i wasnt really scared, i actually didnt care whether i lived or died. I would get into cars with drunk drivers and not think nothing of it. lol My dude G didnt even have a liscence and he was twisted and i rolled with him. My dude T was laughing like the joker swerving and i didnt give a fuck lol. I guess life was takin its toll on me and i didnt mind if i didnt have to deal with it. Shit was crazy...well i dont remember when i turned that around but i dont have that problem now. I value my life i value the fact that i want to put it to use. I wanna be fulfilled or self actualized completely. Should my time come fuck dying with honor im goin out in a bang ya heard me.
