No more dating women with kids.
Ugh. I'm not gonna front though, when I left that girls door for what I knew was going to be the last time, I knew. I knew, I liked her kid as a person, more than I did her. Not because hes a little human but because he was a decent person.
He was not jaded by past failures with the opposite sex. He was not overtly socially awkward. He's a kid, he wasn't socially awkward at all. He was funny, adventurous, and actually polite!! Like, on some mornings dude would go in his mother's fridge and get me some food. A couple grapes, one of those juice baggies ( i forget what they are called), effin Yogurt! He was awesome.
For real tho, how is your child polite but you aren't!!?? That shit BOGGLES my mind! He has one parent in his life but he knows more about courtesy and about being a friend than that same parent!!? LMAO.
that's crazy to me.
Im glad I got lil man that spider-man plug and play controller. He earned that shit like a mothafucka. I spent more $$ on him in March than i did his mother. LOLOLOL.
I'm only writing this because she is shooting subliminals at me on Facebook and its taking a lot for me not to respond.
Yea I'm over it. I'm not responding. Im 28, If my name ain't mentioned, I cant respect it.
Smh...damn its been a minute since i wrote on this thing.
Yo why are women so fuccin... emotional.
it makes me almost not even wanna deal with it anymore.
Anyway shorti whilin out on me through text sayin i'm too sensitive. She would call me some wack ass name thats so ineffective that its hard not to take it as a joke and I'd know she's joking (mad obvious, even through text) so i'd be be like "u mad mean" and often times when we were first talkin and throughout the time we've had words I'd say shit like that in a joking manner now lately all of a sudden i'm sensitive and annoying. Get the fuck outta here! If anyone's being that its def not me. Then she wanna go n say "maybe I should stop fuccin with you since i annoy you so much". I deaded it right there. and to think I'm not talking to her for something so stupid doesn't sit right with me ...cuz its outright dumb as shit.
*lightbulb*
i think i know why im so tight! She's od taking our friendship hostage (as of now cuz sometimes we on some more than friends shit). She thinks that shes so important to me that i would be frightened at the thought of her taking herself away from me. She trying to take my friendship for weakness and that gets me SOOOO FUCKIN HEEAAATED. Yeah she's the coolest chick i know but if life has taught me anything its taught me that anyone who hasn't sheltered me in they uterus is replaceable. My world don't go gray for no one.
I pride myself on not needing anybody and i constantly prove it to myself by burning bridges to people i once knew. I've lost a bunch of friends but it wasn't for no reason. I don't just go out and say "fuck you" and nuke the bridge. It has to be something, big or small and when i do decide to say fuck it I do so.
Goin back to what i was sayin, I feel like im making it worse but its whatever... i think i need time cuz my way really isn't healthy.
. Yo people slay the isht outta me. My friend stay getting harassed by this guy. He's leaving all types of crazy voice mails in her phone and he really sounds like a mental case. Why do people do this, don't they know they are fucking up your chances of getting the girl/guy even more by acting a fool in someones voice mail. Voice mails are forever (well, as long as the person saves it on their phone) and your taped rant can be played in front of anyone whenever the receiver feels like it, not a smart move believe me i know (drunk dials are a bitch). Women do the same thing, matter of fact I wouldn't be surprised if it's done more by women because a man going nuts on account of someone not wanting them is "womanly" IMO. When a woman is burned (fig.) by a man she lets everybody know. Status messages reflect their angst and it almost always shows in their attitude also. They get mad and condemn all men as dogs and all that; you got your "niggas aint shits" or my personal favorite "ima turn lesbian" lol (sure you will ). Then a day comes when they find the one who's different then it repeats all over again. In my experience I've learned that getting mad or tight over someone you just met just makes you look like a needy fool. It shows weakness and desperation, if someone doesn't want you just move on chances are you're in the vicinity of another single person who fits your parameters or who's willing to be with you. Yeah the possibilities were there but if it aint happenin it aint happenin...move on. Instead of being all imbalanced and iracible keep your head and stay open for opportunities that can arise, you'll look like a better person for it, now if only everyone else knew this shit...
Damn my thumb hurts like a motha fucka
Yeah i got's to get ready for workk but i'm up early so imna write this before I put in this six hours right quick.
"Good Girls" in the purest form are really starting to bore me...I'm as serious as WW2. I was a fan but this chick turned me completely off. Nothing real significant happened but a culmination of everything like her banality (boringness) and the fact that I haven't see her in a minute made it so. We still talked though until about 2/3 days ago when i stopped contacting her. In essence I have nothing against the conservative ladies [ in the socially traditional sense, not political affiliation] but my last relationship...i idigress...my first relationship was with a "good chiq" she was a freak but she was kinda boring and I'm being real. I'm already a laid back dude going safe and going for women who have overtly"good girl" qualities may not be whats right for me, at least not right now...or ever cuz i like what i like.
I like the peace of mind though, i never had to worry about my ex cheating on me and I never thought about where she's been before me (sexually) [ that could be because she was also a virgin] but this chick and my X didn't drink, didn't smoke (who really cares about that ) They don't like going out, no arguments ... nothing! just on some banal shit and that makes me boring too cuz I'm the type of nigga who laidback until someone snaps me out of it. Now im not looking for homegirl to be a Sleazy McWhorestein but i'm not trying to get with suzie homemaker also. From now on a chick with some edge to her is essential...
Creativity is a mental and social process involving the generation of new ideas or concepts, or new associations of the creative mind between existing ideas or concepts. Creativity is fueled by the process of either conscious or unconscious insight. An alternative conception of creativeness is that it is simply the act of making something new.
I reme
mber back in the day being creative came from a pure place; like being creative was for your sake, so that you don't have to live in a banal, insipid Cases and Points.
Now we got the hair game getting played out. Iunno I thought Cassie was crazy for ge
When did Creativity and Individuality and Daring to be Different mean augmenting someone else's stylo? Are we as a people that limited when it comes to imagination that we deem copying others OK? Shouldn't one be embarrassed that you got caught trying to look like someone else? how do you even look at the other person you trying to emulate? Its basically pathetic and I cant get down with that..
ahhh shit
I'm beginning to understand my ways when it comes to my social interaction with the fairer sex. When I'm feeling someone, i'm feeling em but when I am turned off or i can't see myself with them anymore i douse our bridge in kerosene and i light a match. In one fell swoop a couple of paragraphs i can damage a relationship (in the general social sense of the word) to a point where it cannot be repaired. I just go into fuck it mode and say things or do things that blow it all the fuck up. As I grow I've been doing this more and more, especially if any hope is lost. I'm starting to feel that this is the case right now. Someone is feeling themselves too much and has demonstrated that they have a history of getting dudes to feel a certain way just to play them in the end. She stays telling me about it. Oh homie does this but i deaded him, fella does that and he loves me (big lol after the sentance) and not to mention the EX thing ....jeeze. Besides the long distance thing defenitely isn't my flow so why not go all pyro.
After that I was like "damn if I was exclusive to her at that certain point in time (last semester of school) I would be kicking myself in tha ass right now." So today again she mentions the nigga, as she goes on i cut her off and say imna watch the game [tosses match into the gasoline drenched bridge], she got all upset and said it was rude but damn im not trying to be like them other suckers in ya life and im damn sure not trying to be hearing about ya ex for the umpteemth day in a row...
I do this
I do this to cut losses
I do this to prove that no one isnt expendable and to demonstrate my strength, so much people are guilty of keeping the wrong people in their lives on borrowed time, fucking up their lives even more so I'm treatin it like a band-aid rip that shit right off...
Time waits for no one, while ones mind is wrapped around the wrong person, you could be missing out on someone else...
and I hate missing out
Relationships are never a threat cuz i'll erase the history and act like we've never met.
- Joe Budden
is this one worth keeping though?? Maybe....we'll see
I dont have to rebuild a bridge the same way it was before...it just gotta be there...right????
Umm yeah i wanna kill my dogg, not now but before i wanted to ring his neck. I'm not patient and i know this and I also know that I'm whiling out for even thinking this but damn does he have to bark EVERYFUCKINTIME a dog is in his sights. Does he have something against every fucking mutt in existence like what the fuck! Its fuckin embarrasing even when i tell him to shut the eff up he just doesn't; yeah at first i was amused by it but d'mn the shit gets old.
looks like the second best thing at this point will be tossin his nuts in the grinder, that will calm him down some
or dont walk him till he shits everywhere and then mom would get rid of him...
Too much info
Too much anger
I only half mean it...
I need to chill; he's just a dog. wooooosahhh
Yeah lol i def oded at least i aint show it outwardly cuz a dogs gonna be a dog. It is what it is. Pro training is def in order even tho i taught it some new tricks obedience training and some socialization is def needed. I didnt mean it just ventilation
Yeah its like 2:55 PM
Homegirl just left and with her my libido went.
Something was just off about this, maybe its the fact that i had sex in a weird time of the day. Maybe it was the fact that she just came thru for some dick. Or maybe it was because it was the fact that the body wasn't all that as i thought. Whatever it is its nibbling at me, not biting not gnawing but nibbling.
This is probably the isht that happens when you go below your standards, homegirl looked OK but ehh when her clothes came off!!! ....
...5:22 PM
Mom is sooo funny. I told her homegirl is comin through and i thought she would flip the fact that she did the opposite shocked the shit out of me. I told herabout the chick yesterday and she advised me to get condoms!! lol heres how it went
:me: yeah i got this girl comming through tommorow
:MOM: ohhh is she nice? does she like you?
:me: iunno mah, yeah? i guess??
:MOM: ohh ok u not taking her to your room are you?
:me: (looks away, to adjust the side mirror on the drivers side of the car) ummmm...
:MOM: Oh Oh! (hatian thing to say when one is shocked or suprised) *laughs* do, do you have protection?
:me: shocked as hell,, ummm nooo i was plannin on gettin em later, i might as well go now
:Mom: Gooo!!! do it
It bewildered me because i thought she would be the conservative, protectful mom I know her to be. LOL she even told me she's gonna remain scarce throughout the whole thing. I told her good because I dont want homegirl to get the wrong idea, meeting my mom and all....she def aint there and i doubt she would ever get there.
So Chick comes through and i go through the motions, heres how it goes.
We chill in my room
I put on a random movie that ive seen already
I lay back on the far side of the bed and lay down
ask her to come by me "i don't bite" yadda yadda yadda
*
Im def not puttin the whole thing down lol but its been gettin me results since sophmore year. I guess im tired of the whole "schpiel". talkin with moms after defenitely brought some feelings to light though, the shit that was buggin me at 2:55 PM isnt really bothering me anymore. Moms comes into my room feening for some details and it was hilarious. Now at one point in my life i would have been gaurded to tell moms how i get down in the bedroom and shit, i'm not even totally comfy with fuckin(verb) people in the house.
So i let her in and she asked me how was it lol i was like "!!"
She asked me if she came here just for that and i laughed and was like yeah and she laughed. She asked me if i was gonna have her come back and i admittedly said no and she laughed and said that shes gonna hate me. She laughed again when i said she can't hate me after what i did. I also hinted to her about my routine and she swears im some type of player lol.
She even declared to me that the reason i'm feelin the way im feeling is because it was too easy and guys don't like that. I was like no isht, normally id be like " she just likes me thats all; she aint no ho" and while that definitely could be the truth in most cases but in this case I def didnt feel that way.
There was some sort of jovial feel to the conversation, it wasnt weird at all. She asked me if she was as pretty as my Ex and I said admittedly no... to my dismay. She sensed some weirdness in me and we came to the realization that i probably went below my standards. Yeah ive seen niggas guilty of doing such a thing but ive never went so low that i felt some type of way after gettin the nutt (well maybe one other time).
Point of the post is that I vow to raise my standards a bit...this is gettin too easy and too....pointless. I'm probably just used to a certain body type. I was into the thicker broads before my Ex chick but she was thin and maybe i got so used to her type that going back felt wrong lol who knows...
Today was surreal....
....but its whatever my 3 month dry spell is over, shit, defenitely over, i need to change my sheets.
Yeah its safe to say we've made a mistake in moving here. I'm mad at myself for making it happen. I had full intentions of shutting this moving to Philly shit down when we met with the Realtor for the first time but he showed us some property outside the city and i was feeling it. He brought us into the city and showed us some properties there to and yeah it was nice but i wasn't open to it. I leave for school and boom we in the city limits its a nice place between the burbs and the city the neighborhood is nice the rest of the city isn't. Its like I'm in an episode of the WIRE or some shit. Kensington was looking OD grimy and peep this i went to an interview in a delapitaded ass office building. I asked the interviewer
"ohh you've just moved into this location"
" uhh no we've been here since 2001"
[BLANK STARE]
In my head i was like what the fuck, niggles can get asbestos in here . The roof can cave in n shit PLUS the elevator had a sign saying "no more than 4 people can ride the elevator" I was like what the feh?? It was an office where felons go to get jobs tho so that explains it a little, the government defenitly ain't checkin for the criminal element. Criminals who just got out of jail go to the office submit a resume, meet with a rep who works to get him hired somewhere. Its and OK cause as long as it paid right it would have been OK. But yeah I'm definitely not a fan of Philly after this week. even these chicks were like [lol] why did y'all move over here ??? lol . shits nuts.
I know ive said this time and time again but im not thinking in terms of myself. In BK everytime after school was out we would go somewhere and fuck around, whether it would be playing ball at the park or Kings Plaza stealing videogames, Toys R' Us stealing videogames or dropping locks on the head of an 8 year old we would be up to something and we would make memories. What kind of memories can a youngin have here, i wouldnt even want ol boy (yes boy..def hypothetical tho) running around the streets while stupidness is afoot. Or my mother whos gonna retire in the future, what kind of life will she have here cuz im not trying to stick around in Philly.
fuckin city is tryin to charge niggas to pick up the trash, you must be out ya gotdamn mind.
Broke ass, no job havin, philadelphia phillies lovin, naked crackhead in a vacant, Mayor Nutter electing, ironic ass named ass city...Fuck Filadelphia (i know)
Smh lol Im a thickskinned nigga cuz basically i dont give a fuck but even i grow weary of certain things. You know at first shits new and you can tolerate it, you even may find it funny but as time goes by that certain personality trait, or feature of somebody gets real old and real tiresome to the point where you just cant stand talking to them. That is what im goin through, i dont talk to my ex much since we broke up but everytime i do i realize again why we are where we are.
the trait was tolerable because she was close and i could talk to her face to face, touch her up and sex her up so everything was copa. Now? different story!! sarcasm sometimes is ok it can even be funny but when you are sarcastic ALL THE TIME it makes me not wanna talk to you. Talking to you becomes tiresome and predictable. Part of me knew this throughout but we would conversate like normal people sometimes. Now in this texting society the sarcasm lays on thick and its unfortunate because its part of why we broke up. Its ok though, it was mainly a sexual relationship anyway...
This blog has to stop being so defensive. Sometimes people do shit to annoy the shit out of me. These next couple of days or weeks, depends on if i get around ima make myself aware of the things that annoy me and ima write it down. Just so that its concrete and i can say that "I hate this" and "i hate that" shit maybe a nigga can make a blueprint about what to dodge when it comes to women. I won't go that far im just sayin...
I hate being annoyed, i have no patience for it. I will hold hate for a person temporarily if they annoy me. I don't seethe for anybody but i temporaroly seethe for people who are annoying. Its probably due to lack of patience. Me and patience dont have a defenite relationship. Sometimes she is really prevalent in my life and other times she leaves me. I was so patient at one point in time that i moved my whole room down two blocks for the whole day. It was exhaustive but i remember telling myself that " this will be over sometime before today", " i wont be doing this forever", "there is an end in sight". Now i probably could do such a thing but i would be tight about it. Now especially when it comes to people i have no patience because if you are a certain way and it constantly nags me or annoys me i wouldnt be able to stand it. Its fuckin my quality of life up lol. Im an even tempered nigga and i dont buck like most niggas do but i will let feelings and thoughts be known under such duress ya digg??
i think im done... now for the blog post i originally wanted to do
