COGNI.VOL...

ahhh shit


I'm beginning to understand my ways when it comes to my social interaction with the fairer sex. When I'm feeling someone, i'm feeling em but when I am turned off or i can't see myself with them anymore i douse our bridge in kerosene and i light a match. In one fell swoop a couple of paragraphs i can damage a relationship (in the general social sense of the word) to a point where it cannot be repaired. I just go into fuck it mode and say things or do things that blow it all the fuck up. As I grow I've been doing this more and more, especially if any hope is lost. I'm starting to feel that this is the case right now. Someone is feeling themselves too much and has demonstrated that they have a history of getting dudes to feel a certain way just to play them in the end. She stays telling me about it. Oh homie does this but i deaded him, fella does that and he loves me (big lol after the sentance) and not to mention the EX thing ....jeeze. Besides the long distance thing defenitely isn't my flow so why not go all pyro.
After that I was like "damn if I was exclusive to her at that certain point in time (last semester of school) I would be kicking myself in tha ass right now." So today again she mentions the nigga, as she goes on i cut her off and say imna watch the game [tosses match into the gasoline drenched bridge], she got all upset and said it was rude but damn im not trying to be like them other suckers in ya life and im damn sure not trying to be hearing about ya ex for the umpteemth day in a row...


I do this

I do this to cut losses
I do this to prove that no one isnt expendable and to demonstrate my strength, so much people are guilty of keeping the wrong people in their lives on borrowed time, fucking up their lives even more so I'm treatin it like a band-aid rip that shit right off...

Time waits for no one, while ones mind is wrapped around the wrong person, you could be missing out on someone else...

and I hate missing out

Relationships are never a threat cuz i'll erase the history and act like we've never met.
- Joe Budden

The movie was crazy. point blank period lol. Ive never been soo into such a film, it never let me go. since the beginning of the movie i don't think my mouth closed once. The man pictured above is mainly the reason for such a reaction. I know everyone and their mother is saying this, but you won't hear different from me...Heath Ledger defenitely is getting an award for this performance. I heard that sometimes he would have a hard time shaking this character off. There must be some type of omen or some shit with this character because Jack Nicholson said he warned him. Its sad but hey the movie was mad good.

Granted I'm probably not the only person but i love rooting for the Villains in movies. i don't know why anyone would do otherwise. Maybe its cause they are doing things i wish i could do. they stand out, they know better...they aren't bound by rules n shit, that's who i am but at a not so extreme level. sure i may look like the good dude or the nice guy but if you ask my mom like really ask her chances are shed say that's not me at all.Of course i don't want to go blowing up buildings and laughing like a homicidal maniac but i do have a dark side which i favor alot more than my good side. My good side is weak yo, not to be schizophrenic but it is. When you follow the rules it makes you lesser than you are. you are bound to a piece of paper or words that someone else have said. If i wasn't as chill as i am then id probably be a bad person to be honest with you. People mistake my apathy for me being cool or chill when in reality I don't give a fuck. i remember my junior year of college when my roommate would always call me the "yes" guy. lol... there is a difference from being the yes guy and just happening to say yes to everything. lol its not like they ever asked me to eat shit or anything.. i would say that it just happened to be my apathy combined with me always wanted to live the college lifestyle. everything i happened to say yes to it was because i wanted to or i didnt care either way.. but i went off tangent. Umm, where was I....To tell yall the truth i am really impatient, self centered, rebel, outlawish, vindictive and hurtful when i bother to open my mouth and i used to be violent when i was little. Some of you can see a little bit of these traits in me but most of you don't. Probably because you dont know me, or maybe im protecting yall from the real me. the way some people i know operate i don't think they could handle all that... What y'all do know is that sometimes i take people as nothing, relationships sometimes dont mean jack to me once i look at you in that negative light chances are you are done. I recently deaded my ex roomate for being a fuckin snake. no big arguments, no bad mouthing i just stopped talking to him. Ive done that a lot in my life he wasn't the first. I don't know how people would criticize such a move but it is what i do. I don't need to go into a shouting match with anybody in order to make a break in some friendship.... Joe Budden said it best:: "Relationships are never a threat, cuz i'll erase the history and act like we never met"
either that is how i do or i just haven't met anyone that is worth fighting for yet, i pride myself in not reacting to anything, no one can take me from my center, i leave when i wanna.. so instead of that rah rah fuck yous id rather we just say nothing

that's been me since i was little, whether it was through disagreements or just doing wrong to me, i just make the switch....

when i was little i would seriously fight my friends all the time. Ive definitely fought more friends than enemies in my life. i guess that's why friendships dont mean that much to me, all my life my enemies have been posing as friends so i naturally keep people at an arms length... (wow realization moment)

I mean there could be many reasons why i dont show people the dark side orf me maybe i dont have the courage to bring it out, I've always been smart and cunning maybe i realize that its not "profitable" to act in such a way i definitely have made opportunities being that good dude specially recently. Lookin back i could definitely say its a mixture of both. I am still trying to find my place in the world and being the good guy has opened doors.


.....God help me when i dont need anyone though