Wow, Ive been writing for a minute now
I should have been writing more, especially during the semester. But school was slow, the blog wasn't missing much at all. I just put down the important things...My friends death, My former bitch of a boss (she became OK), the slowness of school, the ease/difficulty of my classes.
Speaking of classes. i probably got around a 3.3 - 3.4. im not sure since my french professor is slow with the grades. Strangely enough im not happy with it. Im not at all. Yeah i was shooting for a 4.0 but with six classes and my laziness i wouldnt think i would get anywhere close to what i got. I should be estatic. But im not, maybe its because im leaving I left Albany about a week ago. Everything that place has ever stood for has changed and im glad that i Left. Theres one thing though, my girlfriend still has two years left over there....
Oh yeah ive written about her too lol
Speaking about my babygirl, i miss her...
This is some violation of my natural tendencie to be private but fuck that. I miss her something awful...and although some part of me wants to not admit that to myself, to others and to her...another part of me wants to embrace it because there have been times where i wasnt in the position to miss anyone. Ive lusted after girls but that was just because i was horny and i missed the way they satisfied me. Home girl satisfies me in many ways including the one already listed. Its been a week without her and it sucks something awful. I know that if i look im gonna find someone to fill that void but im not ready to do that after a fuccin week. The fact that im even thinkin it says something though :-< .
Anyway
I know its xmas time but i dunno what to do. Im not enjoyin break at all. I got not people (broken record i know). Ohh well
THought
Alot of people think im asome sort of alchoholic!
Im mad ive never written about this before cuz the inclination is crazy. They say it in jest but got damn the jokes are gettin old. Im not hurt by it, cuz im not an actuall alchoholic. Folks see the pictures on facebook and myspace and they think i drink every week. I used to drink every week, shiet, sometimes every fuccin day. But in no way do i rely on the stuff. I drink to loosen up. PERCEPTION IS A CRAZY THING, its powerful as fuck and learning how to turn it against people is a great tool in everyday life.
Im gonna go play videogames....after all it is xmas time.
Fuck me
adas379
back in philly and home never felt so good. Instead of commin home to a cramped and messy apartment i come back to a house and such excitement for the future.
Moms is actually networking for me. That is crazy to me. Its hard to believe she even has people around here cuz she's not the social type, but go ahead mah, I know she's gonna be better for it.
My brothers driving now so he gonna be my chauffer for a bit lol. I need my liscence in three weeks. Mos def cuzz im not tryin to have my 12 year old cousin get his liscence before i do
My room looks full as fuck.. i needs me another dresser or sum shit.. or a trip to the salvation army.
I dont feel like typing anymore
Done with finals and im in such a high right now, but its natural. On the bus ride back i look back at this semester and i realized that i done something great. Yeah people take six classes a semester and do well but now i can be added to that category. Granted i took shortcuts but fuck, id be damned if my ass was gonna take some hard ass classes and not graduate this semester. That shit wasnt happening. Ever since i enrolled into classes this semester i had a blueprint how it was gonna go.
Acting for relief and french for autonomy, i took it in HS so it will work itself into an easy A. Human sexuality for interest but that didn't work out but the Professor, a grad student, was pretty cool, not to mention a looker; she givin me all the extra credits in the world and id be a fool not to take advantage.
Like I've always said, things have a way of workin out for me. Its just the way it is, i have the best luck in the world. The two tests i took today was supposed to be the most challenging for me and it was a big obstacle cuz i wanted to do well on em too, and i did.
Shit was riiite i started tearin after i realized i can answer all the questions on my political theory final. Wrote my ass off for that A, ima get it most likely.
This day wasnt all good but its too embarrassing to put it on here.
Yesterday was wack also. Shorty done hit me on the side of my face. Now i'm not tryin to whine on here i just don't like people hittin me in the face , even the body or hands is ok but in my life the only people that have ever tried to hit me in the face was dudes so I equate that with that. when shorty hit me like that my arm shot up to hit her but i stopped it before i do any type of damage whatsoever. I called her a bitch too but i stopped that at the T, it coulda still counted but she didn't hear me, she was just tryin to dodge my hands. I was soooo tight for so many reasons. I tried rationalizing it and it worked to an affect. I gave her the silent treatment on our way to campus from the bus station, shit was blatant too cuz i had my earphones on and she thought i was listening to music but i wasn't. She didn't know that until later but i didn't care i didn't feel like speakin cuz who knows what woulda came out my mouth.
Have you ever had that choking feeling like, your emotions are constipated. You holding back all this shit that you cant function so you just have this tension within yourself...
I felt that, i don't like being affected but shit im human, as much as its hard to admit I am and i was too affected.
But when we got to the city bus station ( she came with me to get my tickets to philly) i looked at her grabbed her up and kissed her. I actually made an effort to move on actively. How could i not, she kept sayin she sorry and she had this sad look about her. She was carryin her green tea; before the incident she would take sips out of it from time to time, talkin to me and bumpin me into shit ( inside thing). After the incident i didnt say a mumbin word to her and she stopped drinkin her tea, its like her arm was numb. I glanced over from time to time at her and saw that she was all sad. Then i realized that maybe im takin it a bit too hard. I didn't want to make her feel like that so i grabbed her up and apologized ( why i don't know) and kissed her. Tears ran down her face and she said the same thing, although that happened i still wondered about it. it got to the point where she noticed me acting different again and she asked me whats wrong; at that point i couldn't really put it into words, but i tried my best and shit.... there's more but i don't feel like typing about it anymore...
I was this close to ending what we got behind that shit...
Once im wronged all emotions i had for you will leave. I'm probably feeling this chick the most out of most chicks ive met... but when she did that i went off like that, im still having a hard time feelin for her like i did. Im not lookin for answers for it though i sorta like it. It wakes me up and tells me maybe she aint the one...then again im not lookin for the one and besides if the one slapped me on the side of my face or on my face id probably dead her ass also...
....i accepted it and moved on, i had to, i had two tests to study for... im still with her though and i sorta do wanna be with her...we'll see what happens, or i will see what happens and share accordingly..
Im done
