ts been awhile since i wrote anything. I feel like now is a better time than any though. My birthday just passed and i feel good to be makin it through another year. My friend though, Rich Bailey wont live to make it through another year.
I stopped writeing as of october 22nd maybe 23rd....
its november ninth and i feel i should at least write down my feelings sometimes shit needs to stop smelling before you are able to get rid of it. Bad analogy maybe; just accept it as that...
umm My birthday last month was probably my worst. I didn't have my family and i didn't have much friends. Just a couple chicks I've been talkin to this semester made a deal about it. More than the other acquaintances and shit. One girl took me to the movies, the other went shopping with me. Shes now my girlfriend. Since she is that ima name her... hmm maybe not, this is the internet. Umm yeah the fact that i didn't get as much attention as i did my past birthdays wasn't the reason. Its not something i need.
The fact that my friend Richard Bailey got shot and killed the night before really fucked me up. It rained all day and it was just an outward expression of what was goin on inside my head. I found out through my mom. She called me up worrying about me asking me if I'm alright. i was like wtf why and she told me that some kid got shot. I was like hell naw i didn't even hear of such a thing.I look at my school email and it tells of some kid who got shot in the head the night of October 20th 2008 at 11:20 PM ( i was cleaning up the store then). i did background research and i found out the kid was from Wantagh, Long Island and he was 22 years old. after reading this i had Rich in mind but i was like nahh, no fuckin way.
It bugged me for a bit and i thought to look at his facebook (just in case). I see like seven people wrote on his wall saying stuff like: "im praying for you"; "get well bud"; "OMG wtf and all that" and i was like GawwdDamn... loud enough that the people around me could hear my reaction. ever since then it bothered me; i had it runnin through my mind all day. I talked to Ty and she cheered me up enough to go shopping. I spent around six hours in the mall; at first i was just walking around not even inspired to get anything....i probably brought my first item item during hour three probably. Shit was wack but as the days went on WC treated me to a movie and gave me the pussy after. Overall the birthday wasn't that bad but I'm mad it have to happen to anyone much less someone i know yu know.
Im 23 now...
How i feel about it. Im cool with it, this year has probably been the best for me in terms of grownth. Mos Def, i outgrew the college lifestyle, took up hobbies, enhanced myself physically and mentally. Im comfortable with myself so i dont need no one else. Ive figured out who my real friends are...shout out to the raiders. hmm in all honesty ive got a month left in college and im gonna make the best of it academically and otherwise. Nothins gonn stop me from doin me...
but should I, homegirl is a virgin...lol anyway i talk about girls on here too much. I need a new mind state.
All this procrastination is gettin me nowhere, I want to get ahead of my classes. Its the only way i can survive without killing myself, Some classes need to be taken care of so that i can have time to do what i can do. I keep givin too much to this Job and when i do have time to do shit im too tired. So i wind up talkin to Jayjay on the phone. jayjay is amazin, im mad i met her this late. Doesnt it always happen, you leaving somewhere then someone comes along which makes you soooo fukckin heated that u met them at that juncture cuz lol you about to leave in X months/days/weeks. She cute, funny as fuck and unvolatile. Makes me not wanna go to Philly cuz i barley see girls like her ova there. Everyone in Philly got something wrong with them haha, its cool though i dont plan on being there for long anyway. I went through my monologue this week, although i didnt kill it like i planned i went through it. Now i move on and try to do better next time. I stayed up all night on tuesday all hopped up on coffee. It was terrible i was getting the jitters, i felt my heart rate going up to crazy levels. It wasnt fun but i think i did ok on the test so hopefully it was worth it. I hate living in this house, there are zillions of flies everywhere in the bathroom and in the kitchen so i cant cook food cuz i dont want a side of flies with it. My roomate is a fuckin pig and hes gonna pay because i didnt sign a lease so if he or i dont find anyone to take over im just gonna fuckin leave. What does this dickhead do now? hes late with the electric bill, Im not paying the late fee, theres no fucking way im payin any late fee. This dude knows hes the only one with the keys to the mailbox and he aint on top of that shit.
(damn how long have has it been since i typed the above)
OCT 24th...editing
Anyway im starting to like the girl again so hopefully i break her seal lol. We went shopping yesterday and it was tight. Walkin and talkin n shit she looks good in white. I had on all black so it was tight.
lol when am i gonna post this anyway?...:-) cheesing, lets just say im liking this chick alot rite now. I'm not disclosing what we did but i like her more for it. Anyway, Jayjay is prolly out the picture, she said she wanted to be friends, didnt want to lead me on,lol. Im not mad at all im just mad that im eventually leaving Shak here. WC still has the fattest ass though but i'm diggin Shak alot tho, we gonn see where this goes
OK so Ive been seeing a lot of girls now but one in particular has piqued my interest.
we'll seee how that goes, besides im seeing white chocolate tonite lol
I bombed my monologue. I froze up and couldn't remember ANY of the lines it was so embarrassing and i felt like a failure. I haven't felt this way since i failed my road test a couple of years back. After i failed my road test i was distraught and the reason i failed was so stupid that it just made me angrier. I vowed never to fail at anything again after that instance. I said i wasn't going to fail at anything ever again and here i am, cant remember the lines to a scene. Oh well i can make it up so its not a total loss but i need to step it up fo reall!
In other news niggas got paid today, i wasn't expecting it but shiet its whatever imna take it. im not gonna get but 40-50 dollars next week so this bank imna take fo real. SHit im bored as fuck.. i don't know what to do..
Oh yeah i got me a new phone
Its the SPRINT RUMOR and its the first "special phone" ive EVER got. So far im really diggin it. I wasn't around A TV when i was in Albany but when i saw that i could get it for 50 dollars i had to get on it. Texting has never been so easier.
lol i hope i didnt tell yu the sotry behind this title, nothin OD just a jewish kid i know/knew had this as his away message from time to time. SMH, whatever
I am back in Albany and it is Black its mad cloudy and as soon as i stepped out the city bus about a block from my crib it starts pouring like a motha fucka. I didnt appreciate it but its watever, ya digg.
Philadelphia wasnt nothin, i just missed me fam and since they are farther away than they are ususally the homesickness kinda elevated to more than usual. So i went besides i had to see a fan lol. I was sick when i first arrived so the first two days was ass, i watched TV and catched up with the fam. Then on monday Ny came to visit, it was maad akward at first but i beat and i think she is the best ive ever had. She was as thick as i liked em to be and had nice ass tits. i ragged it crazy like but i did have a scare. as she was riding me i saw the condom wasnt as down my shaft as its supposed to be so i told her to get off and the condom slipped off ... i didnt insert it back in but cum splashed all ova me and i was scared as hell. I calmed down when i realized what happened, i really wanted to fuck her again shee got me soo wired, Like my poem the Libido Engine was in full effect. i dunno about a relationship with her though, too much baggage but i shoulda been real with her. I have to be real from the jump now cuz i mos defenitely think im gonna hurt her, im tryin to find ways to let her down easy or just get her to not like me as much
( it wont be cuz of the sex believe me). Thats the mission besides i got more females in here anyway. Im such a pig but watever. My roomate just said i look heavier...this does not bode well cuz ima get crazy and go to the gym right now after a six hour bus ride
