COGNI.VOL...

ts been awhile since i wrote anything. I feel like now is a better time than any though. My birthday just passed and i feel good to be makin it through another year. My friend though, Rich Bailey wont live to make it through another year.

I stopped writeing as of october 22nd maybe 23rd....

its november ninth and i feel i should at least write down my feelings sometimes shit needs to stop smelling before you are able to get rid of it. Bad analogy maybe; just accept it as that...

umm My birthday last month was probably my worst. I didn't have my family and i didn't have much friends. Just a couple chicks I've been talkin to this semester made a deal about it. More than the other acquaintances and shit. One girl took me to the movies, the other went shopping with me. Shes now my girlfriend. Since she is that ima name her... hmm maybe not, this is the internet. Umm yeah the fact that i didn't get as much attention as i did my past birthdays wasn't the reason. Its not something i need.

The fact that my friend Richard Bailey got shot and killed the night before really fucked me up. It rained all day and it was just an outward expression of what was goin on inside my head. I found out through my mom. She called me up worrying about me asking me if I'm alright. i was like wtf why and she told me that some kid got shot. I was like hell naw i didn't even hear of such a thing.I look at my school email and it tells of some kid who got shot in the head the night of October 20th 2008 at 11:20 PM ( i was cleaning up the store then). i did background research and i found out the kid was from Wantagh, Long Island and he was 22 years old. after reading this i had Rich in mind but i was like nahh, no fuckin way.
It bugged me for a bit and i thought to look at his facebook (just in case). I see like seven people wrote on his wall saying stuff like: "im praying for you"; "get well bud"; "OMG wtf and all that" and i was like GawwdDamn... loud enough that the people around me could hear my reaction. ever since then it bothered me; i had it runnin through my mind all day. I talked to Ty and she cheered me up enough to go shopping. I spent around six hours in the mall; at first i was just walking around not even inspired to get anything....i probably brought my first item item during hour three probably. Shit was wack but as the days went on WC treated me to a movie and gave me the pussy after. Overall the birthday wasn't that bad but I'm mad it have to happen to anyone much less someone i know yu know.

Im 23 now...
How i feel about it. Im cool with it, this year has probably been the best for me in terms of grownth. Mos Def, i outgrew the college lifestyle, took up hobbies, enhanced myself physically and mentally. Im comfortable with myself so i dont need no one else. Ive figured out who my real friends are...shout out to the raiders. hmm in all honesty ive got a month left in college and im gonna make the best of it academically and otherwise. Nothins gonn stop me from doin me...