Greaaaat this semester is starting off like ASS
i got no click that shit is official its been a week and i barely hung out with anyone
Classes are ok im taking six of em and its gonna be a rough semester
but im shooting for the 4.0 and im finna get it. Its not that bad besides im taking french 102 (took french in high school) and im taking acting. Im mad excited for acting, i think i have the chops and i can finally determine if its sumthin i can do.
As far as friends go, im makin new ones but no one sticks as of yet. I needs me a click to roll wit. The lone wolf thing can get a bit unreliable when it comes to shit out here. You tend to miss alot. Im bout to hit up a bar tho so... lol
This girl is back and i got her lovin me mmore than ever. I gotta keep it that way too. it will be easy she callin me future hubby and all that. Its cool for now but i dunno, if it lands me in her gutts than why not, fuck the good guy. I gotta keep checkin her while im out here cuz i didnt with this one lets call her T. I was sleepin with T a goood while last semester. Almost every nite i was over there. I think i talked about her once before on here. She was the one that hurt my feelings lol... ( i didnt think they still can be hurt but she brought that back). I wasnt checkin her as often as she thought i should and now that we back in school she givin me the cold shoulder. She was in the beggining of the semester i confronted her about it a lil and i think its over between us n shit.
Its watever i dont really care but i just thought it be easy to get back with her so that we could fuck around again. obviously not tho. I liked her tho, she was cool as hell, had all the right features but ohh well i just need to find a next girl ... hopefully at this bar im goin to... Holla
Yeap thats the motto of this school year, well, semester for me. Almost everyone i know is gone the rest are scattered across the school doin they own thing. Me like usual im left dolo. I know its just the second week but its not shaping up to be good. The weekend came up and i had no clue where to go. In this town its unimaginable especially for me. Thats how you know that a place is not for you. I went to the local bar for happy hour and i felt like it was freshman year again. A familiar face here and there but no one i stayed for. I guess that lone wolf bullshit i was spittin a few 10 posts ago was bull huh. I need peoples in order to have a good time out here.
The mission will always be to get at least a 3.5 and maybe it is for the best that i dont have much friends out here. Ive always dreaded it and here it is. It could be worse though, i could be here for the fuckin year lol. I applied for graduation today and it hit me OD that im gonna graduate. I gotta strive for that walk down that isle with a clear conscience, a clear mind, knowing that my graduation is worth sumthin. Cuz after the high of walkin will come what ive always wanted. The freedom to do me fully without some school taking ova my days.
I dont feel like typing anymore...
Slipknots new album is HARD as fuck
im back to being a heavy metal head
yess before i was sober i was baout to blog... so ima blog while drunk so yall can see wat im like
ok
heres my nite
1030 i call some girl who i wouldnt hango out wit randoml;y
but since we dec graduates we pledge to fuc wit each other till we ealve since mufuccas left the school graduated n shit
but
hiomegirl is a crack head
i couldnt beat since she was bitchin about wantin coke so much
i dont fuc wit crakheads but this one was cloes
she was feelin me but the call was too much and she deissappeared into the nite by her self
my drunk ass wasnt gonna follow her
hahah
its wateve im bak talkin to tahat broad fomr yhesteryear
its gettin serious ima have her wait for me i dont want no ONE beatin till i do
depends on how she doses depends ifm y hear t willl follow
my didlc been wateed hger but ,iscommunications
its watevfer shexepained herslef yesterday nite
ant i beliefve her
i feel like she a baby mama so she wans to hang on to anyone who wants her despite
but im def not fuckin wit a babymoms of 2
specially toa phillty mofp
NY nigggas are way to smart for that
pzzzzzzzz
Aight niggaz is in albany
ive had a busy ass day...first one in a looooong time.
Got mad shit done i feel somewhat accomplished haha.
We woke up at like 5am took a shower then proceeded to pack shit up which included food packed clothes and otha shit. i fucked up packin my shit because i have waaaay too much clothes over here. When we touched down i made 2 bags full of excess clothes and sent em home with moms but i still got clothes out that ass. I hate having baggage in this place (being that its temporary, especially since im gonna graduate in december)
(counts in one hand)
September
October
November
DECEMBERR!!!!!
hahah niggas is getting closure fo real ima do my work early this year so i can soak that shit up as it ends, but lemme stop, the race hasnt even begun yet.
After the six hour drive (yes six hours) we finally came to my crib and it was less than stellar. My room and my shit was dusty as hell, but in a whole it was a minor problem, we just spic and spanned it and it looks right now. The last owner left me this sick ass desk, better than my 20 inch jawn that i had before lol. As i look around im seeing that everything is cool rite now. I just came back from gettin a haircut. YES by an actuall barber..my shit is lookin especially fresh. I wasnt gonna get one but since i gots me a Job i was like why the fuck not lol! Yes niggas got a job, yeah its the same shitty pizza store as last semester but its 120 a week. at least for september cuz im defenitely cutting them shits back to make way for academics. Nice to say im getting paid the wednesday after next!! (mad explanation points today) First thing im gettin is my Tattoo. I think i may have mentioned it earlier in the blog. Its going to be a tattoo of the theatre masks: Comedy and Tradgedy (drawn by me) and there will be a libra symbol under the tragedy mask adjacent to the comedy one. The next thing ima do is save up. Ima put aside a puppy fund to get me a dog when i get back to PA. and ima save up for an electric guitar :-D.
I need to be focused though...i want to shoot for a 4.0 this semester, end on a strong note. It can be done but i just need to be on my shit. It may happen too becasue fall semester is usually my best semester so we'll see what happens. GATTAMN ALBANY HEADS ARE LUVIN DREAM..EVERY CAR THAT PASSES BY IS BLASTING THAT ONE SONG!!!!!!!11
any way there are some sexy jawns up here i just need to get drunk but not too drunk that will def fuck my shit up, besides its not as appealing as it used to be.
My last day day in Philadelphia until I go back to Albany.
i gotta shave my head or at least make efforts to find a barber out here. I havent been able to find such a barber besides i dont trust em so easy. Shit i should try, all it takes is a walk through the door. Damn but i need to find such a door i haven't even laid eyes on a barbershop yet lol.
After writing this im probably gonna start packing my shit. I dont need nor do i want to bring alot of clothes. Most of the stuff i brought are going out wear so im probably gonna have to bring em anyway. A buch of my rags in albany are most defenitely comming back with my mom in Philly.
Saying goodbye to my fam? i usually hold it well, never any tears or nothing but gottamn they are gonna be farther away from me. I liked having the comfort of having home at least in state. An amtrak or a greyhoud and im 2 hours from home. Now i gotta cross state lines and shit.
I most defenitely need to clean my room. Worst situation and im looking at being in albany from tommorow til december and i need to take care of my jawn now so that ....you know what? saying that shit is pointless lol.
The mindset i have in albany and the one i have at home are different. Thats why me having the nickname "Don-V". Donald (especially in a new setting like PA) is a bit reserved, he doesnt drink or smoke. Don V drinks smokes gets od twisted, has mad friends, is more focused at times.
prepare for my ride
Today was a good day. Yes a bit remeniscent of Ice Cubes jawnt but nonetheless it was a good day today. I woke up early without an alarm to watch U.S.A. whipp Australias ass in Basketball. Ate a hearty breakfast lol. Umm my mom got her final check from her job in Brooklyn and she was feeling a bit charitable. So she got me season 5 of THE WIRE!!!! to finish my collection! Now i got me the whole set. The Wire is a great series. Its real too real for T.V. thats probably why it hasnt won an oscar, much less get nominated for one. The cast is 75-80% black and it deals with what goes on in REAL black neighborhoods. Its cool but thats not the highlight of my day well, i wouldnt say that this is an OD high lite ...well lol probably is.
But i went out with this girl yesterday and it was cool ( I thought we were just getting drinks but fuck we wound up eating getting into some good conversation. Then there was Macy's i dont know how we wound up in there but its watever. The Macys down town is tight they have somebody playing the Organ and shit. It looked like a museum, all victorian and shit. We weren't there for me ohh no.... shoe looking. Thats not the point it was all cool until we were looking at jewelry and she asked me to buy her one. I was like !! you trippin! (yeah i didnt actually say that but the facial expression said it). Granted i known the girl for like 3 months but still thats OD. She not only asked once she asked 3 times on 3 separate peices lol! I was stunned, annnnd turned off. She has a sense of humor but i dunno, I just hope she was joking because she floored me with that jawn. I didnt even think about lockin lipps after that situation. I should have seen it comming though. LISTEN...she asked me to buy her something for her birthday. That aint shit at all im obviously (were maybe) feeling her so of course ima get her a lil sumthing (besides my birthday is before hers so she has to make a move first :-D). Then we were talkin a few days back and a dog and his owner walk by....this jawn asks me if i would buy her a dog! Im not a cheap nigga at all if you happen to be the object of my affection i'd get you something once in a while to show that, but this aint my flow at all. I feel like she trying to use me and you know how i feel about that. Im not gonna let her use me but if she keeps playing this position she gonna get waived. I hope she was joking though cuz she could be something more ya digg? lol i done told my mother and lets just say that it ruins her chances of getting in the good graces of my mom...if the future holds that shit. Moms thinks shes a gold digger i did too but maybe she was jokin (thats the third time i wrote that I reeeaally hope she jokin lol)
If there was ever something consistent in my life it has been that i was always a Tupac fan. Shiet more than a fan I admired the nigga. Dude has been dead for like 12 years yet he gets a spot in my day almost everyday. Whether it is through his music or whatever movies hes in. I digg his music no doubt but the way he showed himself to the world i most certainly admire. Dude was real as fuck, the world was his playground. I remember when he came out of a courthouse spitting at whatever camera that faced him. He did watever he wanted and the world put him in the light, mostly negative light but he didnt give a fuck. The man was a complex guy he was an artist, thugg, activist, empowered some women while bringing some down. The man had faults but who doesnt. Not everything is black and white when it comes to human beings and he reflects that. He had his idea, his ways of doing things and he carried them out as he sees fit. The way he saw the world is how i see it and ive always dug that about him
if i start treatin these broads all badd
then you know its because they stay on some dumbness
wayy to much flaking goin on when it comes to these broads and me
thats all
Last couple of days in philly
the only thing im worried about now is getting my Fight Club DVD from this girl
I dont know why i left it there anyway, im type mad at myself that i gotta use up another 5 bucks in bus fares to get that shit back.
.
.
.
.
.
(hours later)
Finally got my shit back. It was a big thing for me to get this back because A. Its my favorite movie and B. I cant travel without it. The last time i traveled without it my bus broke down and we had to wait 4 hours for another bus to come.
The thing i had with the chick who i watched it with has come to an end...
It was no biggie i knew it wasnt gonna last, I read her blog on how her boyfriend cheated on her and shit. She was distraught over it so i knew there was a chance that if dude wanted her back she was gonna oblige him so i was like whatever lemme see if i can get that rebound guy nutt. we chilled once well it woulda been twice but i got lost during booty call hours (can u believe that shit!!!). I chilled with her the next day (when nothing happened). She cool as hell so i hope everything is ok with her situation. Besides she's my eyeglasses frame connect and my pitbull puppy connect so its best not to burn that bridge. I did light the kerosene though i just took my DVD said thanx and kept it movin.....true Don fashion
Im mad i havent mentioned Music yet. Yes i capitalized Music like it is a name. Music can change my mood, Music can get me spring (lil kim), Music can make me sad, happy and everything in between. Ive been listening to music since i was a youngin. Back when the radio was good i was bumpin lite F.M. (my uncle loved that shit, me to a lil) i didnt really get into hip hop at first. My moms and pops wouldnt allow it. when I'd bump Z100 id hear songs like "Im Blue","Closing Time". Id listen to Kiss F.M!! OMG Kiss F.M. was the shit, id listen to everything, Barry White to Toni Braxton (my childhood crush, as of now my current crush), Mary J Blige. I was an R&B head as a youngin i didnt start listening to hip hop till....shit i dont remember but i remember that Jay-Z & Jay-D's "Money Aint a Thang" was my first hip hop music video. Ever since then i fucked with hip hop. I started hitting up Church avenue for bootlegs. My first albums were Jay-Z's Volume 3 "The life and times of S.Carter" (HOLLA!) and DMX's "Its Dark and Hell is Hot". Ive caught up with the game mos defenitely though. My love for Music has been therapy, a drug, a mood changer, a cure and a creative outlet.
The only instrument i know how to play as of now is the recorder (lol not a tape recorder a flute) and the piano. I havent played the Piano in 5 years though but i think about it alot. I certainly want to pick it up again. I also vie to learn the Electric or Acoustic Guitar and the Drums. I love the drums but im gonna gets me a guitar this year or in 2009 for sure. I want that under my belt I've always loved versatility. Ive always wanted to be a well versed person. I want to be in everything. I know shit, i know how to make pizza, i cook, i am a poet, Im an artist (tattoo,regular), I am a pianist, I am a psychology user lol.
I use psych alot in my regular life. I see something and i react to it and i usually get good results when it comes to interacting with people. Im and investigative nigga if im fuckin with a chick i like to know certain things about them before they tell me, what i dont know im a resourceful guy. You can tell alot by a person by how they act how the talk what interests them. I love making assumptions about people pulling shit off of what they do. Introversion, Extroversion, Explanatory style can tell alot. Their interests let me know what they may also possibly be into, its crazy i like doing it, im resourceful like that..or so im told ;-).
umm
Sometimes (obviously) i can be wrong. Assuming usually makes an ASS out of U and Me so i usually keep my ass to myself. I like when im wrong though..it makes it more interesting. I thought i had this girl figured out by the look of her myspace but after sharing my assumption she let me know it was a front and i believed her because she was so down to earth and real. I thought she was concieted and big headed. I have a distaste for overly concieted girls very unnatractive but in reality who really thinks they are completely perfect anyway. I know a girl who i think is OD perfect but she still think she needs work lol.
thats all i feel like sayin
oh yeah ima try to see this white jawn tommorow. No reservations this time (he white parents were home) its obvious she aint gonna be near so...bucks county it is..so suburban it scares me a lil
She cool as hell tho... O.D. kissin on me, takin pics. Got damn i need some attention. Even tho she white she been through some shit too, philly is fucked up man ima pray for my fam while im away.
yeah its been a minute since i did my thing on here soo ima write a lil sumthin sumthin
nothing eventful has really happened, mos def nothing :-(
fucckin invisobelt but ima stop with that i think its giving me bad karma or someshit
ive been playing ball alot lately and although im gettin great at it. Although my J is getting rite my Dribble is getting there my knees keep getting sore after consecutive days of playing. I feel like a nigga is getting old but then again i do go hard lol.
I cant wait to go back to albany. Even though some people wont be there due to graduation and transfers. Its a familiar place, i got people there. It been hard at times living over here with no one else to talk to. No one to chill with, drink with...get girls with. I got me a couple girls over here but without some peoples the potential over here will be bleak. This will be my home for at least a couple of years and i need to make the best of it and this is not a good start. I wonder if im gonna be a shut in over there, whether im going to be the homebody i am here. LMAO...nah impossible i got me a job and classes bars clubs, thats albany for me. Im gonna bask in the ambiance that is albany while im there dolo because it mos defenitely wont last forever.
shit i just realized something
Maybe im meant to be alone..
I got the attitude, the outlook on life, the demeanor
i got the invisible belt
no real relationships
the genetic disposition (moms)
its never really bothered me becasue ive been alone for a long time now but ive recentley tried to strive to be with whoever, buncha ladies got closed nothing stuck... im startin to believe that that annd the invisible belt as of late is a sign that the man upstairs aint trying to have me be with no one... got me bouncing around from BK to albs, ALBS to philly... no time to set up something concrete.. i know its stopping my situation with shorty rite now. Sure fuckin shoties is something but ive been tired of that, i dont even do one night stands. My mission always was to find someone who could get me...maybe thats too much...For now im gonna ignore my realization and keep trying. I was never scared of being alone castration was more my scare but being alone is something i dont want a part of.
I'm watchin "From G's To Gents" right now. This week they are talking about chivalry.
Chivalry is defined as courteous behavior from men directed at women. Chivalrous deeds may be opening a door for a lady, pulling her chair out...shit like that, lol. The general attitude towards the term is that the term is dead. The general idea is that the term is dead and that Men have turned their back on treating females that way.
I don't think that's the case. Right now the males just screen or filter out the chicks that deserve chivalrous action from the chicks that down. We treat people how we do but when we se someone "special" we tend to not act like ourselves. We get a bit nicer and depending on what vibes one gives off we will respect her that more thus giving off a more chivalrous aura. Ima tell you: alotta dudes out here do not want to get played. We dodge that shit more than we try to dodge the virus. Especially when in certain situations like when we in front of people, our boys, other girls and whatnot. I know i don't like getting played. I don't really get played overtly just in lil ways, which are annoying and leaves me like ???. I thought closure was a chick thing, i know i appreciate it. Anyway we don't like gettin played so we wont extend the chivalrous branch to every girl we see. Besides girls don't even like that shit. An overtly chivalrous dude is played for a fool time and time again. lol I remember when i was little. I was such a nice young boy. I was quiet, laid back and nice. Teachers liked me old folks liked me. I would go out of my way to help anyone. I would open the door for people when they would walk into the building. I would usually be outside playing then if i see someone walking to the door id open it for em especially if it was a lady. It was at the point where i was playing doorman, lol. Well as i kept doing this i noticed people werent saying thank you anymore and i stopped doing it.
Generally as a kid i was innocent yet people showed me that being the innocent lil tyke who says please and thank you, opens doors for strangers and waits their turn doesn't work in the world. Ive learned that you will be stepped on time and time again, you will be played, you wont be respected, you will be belittled and ostracized repeatedly by the general populous. Maybe its too much but look around you, the nicest people ive known has always been suckas to me, look around yourself. Growing up i realized that that wasnt for me. Watching how the world react to me made me realize that a change was needed. I didnt need to OD break my back for people. It made me weak, doing all that sends a message that said "i care what you think of me" "i want you to know I'm a nice person". Look at Urkel, nicest motherfucker on TV yet people keep shitting on him to the point that they have to catch themselves and say that "he has feelings", lol like they forgot he was human.
I wasnt put in this world to help muthafuckas. My mother wanted me to be a nurse LMAO not for me, not a traditionally male profession and i don't want to help people, My mom wanted me to become a Physical Therapist, i was like no, dont want to help people. lol, i do want to get into real estate and probably psychotherapy but that goes a bit deeper than just helping people.
Most people in this world was born by themselves, EVERY MOTHAFUCKA WILL LEAVE THIS WORLD ALONE...
Ive learned that you have to do you, fuck everyone else. From that instance my outlook on life has changed, was it for the better, maybe i know im better for it. Im more comfortable walking in my own solid foundation under my feet. It did make me a bit more gaurded though, Obviously i sound like its me against the world. Granted i do feel that way and it may not be right but i just dont want to be put into that light you know. Going that extra mile when it comes to certain chivalrous action or even being real nice takes alot out of me. I either act neutral or bad to the general population, call it a defense mechanism, i dont know. I know its wrong but it is how i am. I dont want to stepped on or used. You know that USING me is probably the worst thing to do for me, the more material the worse you're off with me. I dont like being used for anything. Its belittling and ive built myself from the ground up for too long to be belittled. There is two chicks that moved into my building in albany and im not sure if im gonna talk to them when i go back, off of them using me in the past. its whatever though i dont know if im ever gonna get "cured" of this and im not sure if i want to, the world demands it....
PZ
oh yeah hol upp
Umm When i see people who are like i was i mentally puke. I get so disgusted with them that they didn't learn the lesson ive learned. Thats why i can't relate to my Mother. I was always a cold child, not the coldest but im defenitely not a heart warmer. There are certain things i see in her that i dont like. If i was the nicey nice boy when i was a youngin then she may be the reason, genetic disposition i suppose. She repeatedly lets people shit on her. Whether it be her sister, her mom, my brother or some random mothafucka off the street or wherever she stay lettin people do her dirty. If its owed money she won't ask for it back if it is overdue. If she did X for her brother, when it comes time for him to do Y he hesitates or bitches out. Thats why i resent the shit out of my extended family. I dont know why they like me so much i hardly treat them good or bad, always neutral.
In july we went over to my aunts and there was this 5 year old youngin over there. Smart as fuck mad potential in the world i come to find out that he was a child of incest and his grandmother been beatin on him (more than the avg haitian disciplinarian).
I heard this from my mother on the way back to Philly.
She didnt think it would be a good idea to tell me while i was over there because she knew i would do something. I can be apathetic sometimes but this situation got to me more than usual and it hurt me that she didnt tell me expecially. The situation told me that she would rather ignnore the wrong and just let it slide and that me and my mother are not in the same page. I've always looked up to strong people and my mother is not that. It pains me to write this but its true, shes amazing when it comes to taking care of her kids and making sure she does us right but she has no other ambition other than that. A strong woman would stand alone and tell that old bitch whats good shiet she probably would have snatched up the kid and took him in. Im not saying shes not a good person she's just too much of a shut in, my brother is following in her footsteps.
I didnt know what to do when it came to Greggie, Yea it aint my problem but i wouldnt let the youngin stay with his bitch of a grandmother (i was thinkin evil things on the ride back). With my mother being the way she is and the fact that we dont belive in the same shit. It pushes me further apart from her. I lend her consul from time to time because she is suffering from a negative mind state. She's a negative person and it fucks with her stress, im trying to help her but she keeps thinking this way. Im trying to help her get over being a pushover to her family but who knows if its workin, Maybe i should lead by example...
Im tired of writing this shit is bringin me in a down mood... less than 2 weeks and im out of Philly for a while and back into school, Its like going between hell and the pit to hell
later yall
Bitch is workin my last nerve.......swear to The G
here i am sprung as shit and this bitch wanna get unreachable
what the fuckkk...im mad as fuck if you couldnt tell already.
..nothing else just mad bored, glad i played ball today
cuz then this day would be a lost cause otherwize
This has been a summer of personal grownth, not only do i look as exeptional as ever. Ive reinforced my singularity. Ive learned to stand on my own. Granted ive been dolo forever but ive been striving for that to change. Ive always wanted to be a part of a group. Ever since i first saw "The Best Man" ive always wanted a click that i can grow old with. A group of friends i can call brothers. Ive been in clicks after clicks yet nothin really stuck. Maybe it wasnt meant to be but its all good. I work better alone anyway. Me being the click jumper i was in my previous years at albany taught me that i like doing me. Ive been a lone wolf since forever maybe joinin a click or being in one is against my nature. Last semester was crazy though there was 6 of us and we'd always do shit togetha. Me and another transfer for that semester were add ons but we were six. We worked together, party together, go bar hopping shiet wed even try to run a GB lmao...everyone around knew who we were n shit lol...i aint never been a part of such a thing. I had girls askin "where your boys at?", "What ya'll gettin into tonite?" Shit like that was a change for me i'm not used to being associated with other folks that way. It was tite while it lasted. 3 of us graduated so 3 of us is left and one of us is in grad school. Chances are ima be the lone wolf again this Semester but its cool cuz ima do me...like always...
!
death is a crazy thing ....R.I.P. Bernie Mac
If i were to say who the best comic was of all time it would have to be this nigga.
His voice, His mannerisms the way he says his words. The man was brimming with swagger.
If you heard this nigga speak chances are you will not forget it
He was that dude... He will be missed but never forgotten (thanx youtube)
Damn you never know when you're gonna go huh. Death is a crazy thing yo. Some people are scared of the Fact that they are going to die. After all it is a fact, everyone begins and everyone ends and we go rotten along the way. This nigga was in the percieved halfway mark of his life (50) and he got took. Whether it be car accident, Hit and run, heart problems or gettin shot we all gonna go. I made my peace with it long time ago. Buuuut before i did i wasnt really scared, i actually didnt care whether i lived or died. I would get into cars with drunk drivers and not think nothing of it. lol My dude G didnt even have a liscence and he was twisted and i rolled with him. My dude T was laughing like the joker swerving and i didnt give a fuck lol. I guess life was takin its toll on me and i didnt mind if i didnt have to deal with it. Shit was crazy...well i dont remember when i turned that around but i dont have that problem now. I value my life i value the fact that i want to put it to use. I wanna be fulfilled or self actualized completely. Should my time come fuck dying with honor im goin out in a bang ya heard me.
Philly is lookin like the hopeless city...
Commin from New York, Brooklyn to be specific ive seen how the city life is. From residential areas to The high rises of Manhattan ive seen the nice hoods and the bad ones but philly...
Well im at the northeast which is the only non crazy place out here. No one is killin people in the northeast according to Nesha. According to Ty the youngins be killin each other in the North and the Old heads are killing each other in the West. South philly is still foggy but aint no reason for me to go down there maybe at Temple U for Grad School. I been around the North yesterday and it looks od grimey theres nothing redeeming about it at all. The way it looks is straight trash when compared to anywhere in New York.
...
Also it seems like everyone has had something bad happened to them. A girl im talkin to said her Uncle died around the block from where she staying, unless his heart was fucked up and it gave up on him im assuming he was shot. The same girl's father is a Pimp 8 kids 8 baby mamas. This other girl who im type fond of (shes OD diggin me pussy is a lock before i go :-D) She been raped by her baby father and she said it wasnt the first time. yeah the girl im diggin got 2 kids, aint no future at all cuz im not raisin no kids that didnt originate from me. But she got nice body and shes open for me so why not enjoy.
....
The Niggas here dont seem to be about shit. Walkin around all raggedy and shit. No one has impressed me at all thats probably why im gettin the play im gettin because these niggas aint about shit and they look like it too. I dunno how many single mothers ive seen walkin around and on Myspace. Also dudes wearin watever with wierd beards and doin whatever with they fingers claiming whatever set/block/neighborhood. Thats mainly the reason why im in no rush to make friends because no one seems to be about what im about. Im cream of the crop ova here im graduating college, Im straight LOL, acting like a coldblooded gentleman...
Hands down thats why this one girl goin crazy over me. She been around Philly niggaz all her life and here i am an NY duud striving for better and they diggin it. LOL niggas wear Camo pants to a lounge b! I kid you not, Frankly i dont need niggaz like these around me they may be more trouble than they are worth...did i blog about this already???
....
Damn i dont think there is a future for me in philly i cant even find a normal chick in here. Well there is Tie but ...well you know. I dont even think jobs are even that plentiful around here. Im used to being around manhattan the second biggest city in the world. If u fresh out of college that would be my spot. Im not condemning Philadelphia but it just hit me that we took a HUGE step down from where we were. Sure my mom is a homeowner but is it worth living in a city thats going to shit.
.....
Well canarsie had a bad reputation when i was in High School shiet before we moved over there! We've lived over there for 5 years sure i got jumped once but it aint bad. Shiet Ive lived in Caton avenue a block down east 17th and Church i remember goin to flatbush everynite lookin for shit to cop/blockbuster or goin to JB's crib. My friend over at canarsie at the time said that my hood was more grimier than his. I didnt think so at the time (looking back id say it was). So maybe the grass is greener on the other side. Nationally Philly is considered the worse spot in the US but maybe its not as bad. I still see folks prospering shiet it cant stay like this forever but hopefully i find myself in my dream city Chicago in the future.
I wish i was performing in the olympics...Huge ass stadium
im done
hmm nothin really eventful
went over this chicks house today, didnt do much just watched a movie
didnt really feel like it was the appropriate time since this is the first time i met her
she cool though sexy caramel skin, she looks latin though
its all good, we didnt get to finish the movie because she had plans to go out n shit.
She asked me to come back through so we can finish it so ima make moves then
in other Chick news
Girl from last thursday has been MIA... last i talked to her she had a cold n shit but today was her day off and we were lookin to fuck but again...Missing In Action (who knows)
Ohhh man this 18 year old is killin me. She is OD in luv with me iuuno how (this fast course i know why..cuz im the shit, cream of the crop nigga). She texted me saying that "Im the type of dude she lookin for, how she really likes me, she really wants this to go somewhere"..iuuno being a lil child growing up with no love (xept fam) i eat it up and she got me texting her back in the same tone LOL...this makes no sense to me but im going with it. she off on mon so ima beat defenitely BUTT...as soon as i told her about me goin back to albany (dont ask why i told her) she tellin me she gonna fall back a lil. now in my head im thinkin i fucked up cuz now the chances of me hittin skins are...cut a lil bit. I bandaged it a lil by sayin ima be here at least every month...i want you, i wanna hold you blah blah blah, why u scared for? In my head i know its wrong but damn i spared her the heartache of her havin to deal wit me going to albany. I wanna beatt lol.
Sometimes my conscience tells me whoa slow down u feeding flames but i ignore it.... in this case i wanna burn.
Im reading this blog and i realize that its time to type a hard word...
.... When it comes to the case of this 18 year old
It solidifies a belief thats been in the back of my head for not so long...
When it comes to certain things i need to be inspired to act. I see beautiful soccer i wanna go out and play it. I see a fit muhfucka i wanna go out and work out. I see my boy gettin numbers by the minute i wanna get on my game also.
When i see someone sayin this type of shit to me... The " i wanna be with you""i want this to go somewhere" chicks who are touchy feely with me. basically jawns who show me that they like me.. it makes me wanna... (hard to explain)
.
.
.it gets to me..not in a bad way but in a good way. lets just say if my dick led me to this chick and she starts talkin like that my heart will soon catch up to my dick. Makin me act like I wanna be with them. Is it acting? maybe...
the feelings are probably less than genuine because the chicks that say this im not reaaaaaallly attracted to like that well this philly chick got me saying and meaning mad shit but then again im OD horny so who knows. It is what it is... i dont think its genuine at all because i am plotting am i. I plotted for the last chick that did me like that... and theres no way she gonna be nothing more than a BIB (Bust it Baby).
mhmm Diana Ross was crazy for bouncin lil Kim's boobie like that, Random Thought of the day
God made fun of me again today... im startin to take it personal lol
shit is just funny, me and this chick was talkin for crazyy long yesterday. From simple get to know yous to outright freaky shit. I couldnt sleep i was so hard. I wanted to check her today but homegirl lives in west Philly. Im thinkin bout makin the trip tomorrow to be honest with yah cuz this chick look like she wants my dick crazy, homegirl takin pics for me as i type lol. Obviously for that to happen id have to show my shit but that aint nothing... my dick aint nothin to be ashamed about ya digg lol lets just say im confident that she'd like what she will see. If she wants to see DMV (Da Main Vein) who am i not to oblige her. Shieet she even got a spot of her own so that could be a good thing rite there. I need to jump on that but then again i could get jumped and killed over in west philly. W.P. aint no joke from what i hear. pussy or death lol it mite not even be like that though . I need to make a decision fo real, i mean i gots me a room but wit my moms and brother and cousin here iuuno about that. All the angst im feeling I'm about to leave her cooch swollen foreal...
Then you got another girl texting me talkin bout she feeling mischievous (i.e. horny) shiet i call her up tellin her to lemme come through, then she talkin about goin out tonite so she cant do that.. I'm tellin you God dont like me at all lol who knows maybe this means sumthing ...it better mean I'm bout to have a straight up super threesome (2chicks). Anything other than that would be masturbation (useless).
well it was a plan now its an afterthought
I got 2 new chicks callin me boo,
i dunno what is it about me that makes chick wanna hub me up
maybe i need bigger muscles or sum shit. My smooth ass butters em up to the point where they askin me all types of questions. This new chick brought up meeting my mom yesterday LOL im like what the fuck!? but me and my hunger i let it rock cuz depending how the pussy is will determine if i keep letting her think it or just cut it off. She was even like: "What would you do if i ever cheat on you?"
Thing is im not usually this fucked up towards girls. I like being wanted, still takes gettin used to. Ive always been a feen for attention (just on my terms ya dig). These two girls got kids. one of em got a 5 year old and the other got a 1 year old baby boy and a babygirl she didnt tell me about yet. I like gettin info for myself before im told, its how u root out a liar. these girls are 23 and 18 years old respectively.
I cant picture myself with a babymama yo. THERE ARE ALOT OF THEM IN PHILADELPHIA. I digress there are too much of em in phily. Im not trying to raise anyones youngin cuz i get attatched to kids type easily and it could happen. Then im gonna have to deal with drama n shit. Shits crazy she textin me tellin me she dreaming of me. This is going a bit too fast, good thing i like fast im just gonna keep her engine runnin so i can stick my key in the ignition. lol such a horndawg; its all good though i am a wolf after all.
the night of wonders it was all a daze.
who'd figure youd find me through this maze.
made your approach and caught my eye danced all nite and said our goodbyes
his swag needed work but his eyes said it all
i saw the man he truely was and the one he wanted to become
our nights together ended wit the sunrise and breakfast
it was the bedtime stories and goodnite kisses that we're as sweet as honey
i watched him evolve to a better man.
Why do girls always want credit for affecting you?? They always want to impose and assume shit
yeah this girl saw right through me but my swag didnt need work
I turned that shit off cuz i slept over the second night.
SMH yo
Iite i just woke up and i feel like i got up in the wrong side of the bed this mornin
nothing's wrong i just feel different, a good different
i remember watching this documentary
jawn put me to sleep but it was insightful
it was called "the secret" it says that physics
and the mental is a key part in getting your desires
it says that thinking in a certain way (almost presumptuously) will get you what you want, almost like you have a gravitational pull. What you desire will gravitate towards you. Anyway some part of the document says that Music in the morning helps put you in a good mood for the whole day. Today when i woke up i listened to foxy brown's "too real" and i just snapped back to my i don't give a fuck looking out for number 1 mode
I been through so much changes in my life mostly through addition or straight swapping
Lemme tell you bout me before
I was very apathetic, i didnt care about shiiit.... i didnt care about my past present and future. I was just sliding by which in itself isn't good but i tend to care too much about shit nowadays. What's she doin, what they doin, when who why where...i gave a fuck about people again. I started to rely on folks for my happiness. Me being in a new town havin no body i started hangin on to whoever i could talk to. Loneliness would do that to you. But that song made me not give a fuck it returned a familiar feeling which in turn brought me back to the state where i didnt give a fuck in general. I feel good because i really needed this imna go down kiss moms good mornin (i never do that), play ball till i cant walk, cook and eat some bangin lasagna. Its gonna be a good day...
Sometimes i go on these huge streaks of confidence and i feel like the king of the world. Its always been my dream to take over the world by the way. Not to be ruler or an actual king but to be able to go anywhere i wanted, to be able to do whatever whereever i want no matter what jurisdiction. The world as my personal playground lol. Ive always loved doin me thats why i cant imagine myself tied up with someone. Im probably gonna keep doin me regardless and it wont be pretty.
(4 hours later came back from playin ball)
Im feelin mad good rite now niggaz gotta keep it up i just went 3-1 for the day (got tired)
stay tuned
LOL. I feel like the Wolf in these cartoons.
Well every dude is like the wolf in these cartoons.
When we see a certain female (or any female) we go bonkers. Well not as bonkers as the wolf but its a cartoon its meant to be super expressive but even so most dudes can relate. Either we trip up our words or we act like "supahsprungman" or sum shit doin whatever we can to get the object of our desires. When we act like that its up to the subject to decide what to do or what not to do with what we projecting. you go bonkers over a broad usually it wont end well. Thats why the wolf over there gettin chased by the grandma. Because the red head did what she did with "all that". She played him into goin up to sum penthouse she wasnt gonna be at. Niggaz need to learn tact and calm rationale when dealing with our lil brain (as opposed to our big brain).
We'd get into less trouble (HIV.AIDS.Makin babies, fuckin minors) and we'd be more respected. We are a bit oversexed not that thats a bad thing (i know i like it) but its to the point where its hurtnin us as a demographic in the eyes of everyone else. Lets face it Black Women in general hold us in a negative light and they the same race as us. "Niggaz aint shit" "money make me cum" what else umm ohh yeah "fuck niggaz", " i want me a white man". Meanwhile we are scrutinized and stereotypically linked to laziness, unambitiousness, unresponsiblity and a poor moral code (stop snitching, super materialism, what we do to our women).
When i saw this cartoon i thought of myself cuz i luv females as much as the next nigga probably more rite now; and in my head im thinkin "we are all like this!!". whistling at bitches, catcalls, seeing a chick on the street and thinkin bout the nastiest thing you can do with what she workin with.
Men are Wolves yo.
We are wolves and chicks are coyotes. Although there are some chicks who can howl at the moon like us or can even understand our barks and bites the difference is evident.
Niggaz, we are the baddest wolves out, to the point where our animal insticts can actually win over rationale. Other races are wolves too (well maybe not indian dudes they get no pussy lol). But to me lookin at the society im a part of (black men) most of the shit we do is for girls. We get chains for girls, we get fancy whips for girls, we get the high end gear to look fly for the GIRLs. I dont think any other race goes out of thier way like we do. I remember my boy talkin couple years back about gettin a whip so he can have his passenger side window rolled down so that niggaz can see the bitches hes rollin with. Im like ??? all that shit just for that. You know me i dont like to try hard socially so maybe thats why im lonely as fuck rite now. We do some shit al for the lust.
Lust is instilled in us and sometimes it comsumes us like a curse. Coyotes need to understand our nature and learn to deal in a new way becasue im tired of hearin black girls complainin about what they been through with some random nigga and projecting her bad experience into the general populus. Although I too am a wolf Im different if it is not evident in this blog then you are blind. Some of these girls know how to bring us out the woods though; showin all types of skin accentuating their features. its no excuse for wrong to happen to them im just saying: "If you bleeding in the water sharks will come" lol.
Im not sayin that they should forgive the dumb shit we do. Im just sayin be smart about who you fuck with. A wolf who doesnt seem like all the others doesnt make him less the wolf ya digg. He probably like the wolf in the other cartoon smart, cunning and a sophist (me). Dude was civilizing the other wolf tellin him how to live in the city and shit. Tellin him to subdue his banal instincts but eventuallyyy a wolf is a wolf even if he talks like some "city" dude he still went buck when he saw the country girl. **Thats me also i luvs me a southern chick! Talkin with that accent n all lol thats why i dig philly chicks lol, i wanna hear em moan in that accent!!..!!** *Ahem* but yeah Niggaz is wolves yo and we do what we do yall just need to be smart about how to deal with us.
aids increased by 40 percent ::: SMH
lol speechless
ahh well im over the point of being supersprung, i think its best that i avoid anything that will make my dick move at all, cuz this is gettin crazy. I had a dream and homegirl was in it. her tits were bigger though and she was fuckin someone else, i wound up killing dude by strangulation I chopped his body up and put it in a duffell bag and i buried it in the same spot he was killed lol i/we got caught. a buncha friends from all over was in it too. is there something wrong with me lol. truth is that im putting way too much of myself into her (not the was i would like). I shouldnt be dreamin of her thats OD, but it is what it is. of all the girls ive bagged over here shes the only one i can see myself with truly. Now ive made it a point not to talk about her on here because i just may get too comfortable and give someone the link to this journal and i can be a bit gaurded of someone who hits close to the heart. In some ways im protectin my heart ya feel me.
I do need to chill though because i havent seen her enough times to be feelin this way. She gets me in other ways though, chill conversation, deep conversation, comfortable silence. We'd be talkin for hours at night, like about 5 hours on average im guessing. She smart, sext down to earth and has the ability to better myself, im type scared cuz im goin to school in albany for a semester and chances are that if (when) my lips touch hers ima be sprung officially which may lead to whatever. Most likely nothin then come december i find out she seein someone, i shouldnt think so negatively but shit tends so go that way for me and girls...look what happened on thursday (yesterdays blog). Iuuno what to do, i have less than a month left here and im finna take her somewhere im done asking. Her gaurded self is just gonna have to get over that. Theres a whole other side to shit that i dont know yet. I forget/has no idea how she walks, how her mouth moves when she talk, her explanatory style all that is foggy or blank, i didnt wanna rush her but maybe i did that to a fault. However with this type of thing slow may be better but fuck this is mutated snailturtle slow
