Iite so as we continue on from Nuke Button 1
I talked to homegirl I just straight up told her my concerns and shit, no general talk, no beating around the bush I just went forward with it.
She said she is in fact feeling me and that I'm her type of dude or whatever and although that is the case she wants to take things a day at a time because there are some issues she feels that need dealing with; such as issues wit her body (which i don't get but i never seen her wit her clothes off so...) to go from track star body to post pregbody can probably be disheartening. Issues wit her sons father n all that. So although she feeling me she ain't ready to move forward like I am....again...
..still.
Now i've never asked her to be my girl or nothing but the way things were going in our relationship (in the literal sense) was headed toward that direction and she isn't ready for such a thing.
Still
Even though her asking ME out on a date jump started this whole thing. she aint ready which is ...lemme stop.
Now i bet you're asking where does that leave me. What do I think? The whole issue that produced such a conversation was the uncertainty on whether she was feeling the kid or not and although I got my answer parts of me is saying i should leave it alone, and i told her this too. She thought i was givin her an ultimatum lol.
Shit every person I've relayed this situation to has told me to move on and I believe I should but I like her too much and perhaps its definitely to a fault because all the things that brings up a red flag in my head are prevalent when dealing with this girl.
- The probability that I am gettin the runaround
- "the chick that don't know what she want"
- the issues with her Sons father.(i hate the babymama/babyfava term). I remember effin with a chick back in albany who would stay talking about her ex, issues wit her ex and all that. this was back in 08 its 010 and shes now fucking her ex. shiet even back in 09 she was fuckin dude. Everyone is different though but A lightbulb just went off in my head when i was talking to albanychiq last night.
Maybe cause its cuffing season, maybe because I havent had sex in a week or two, maybe its cause I rarely meet girls around here due to unfamiliarity with the city as a whole and being a hombody ( in 2010 imna change my habits on that, real talk) or maybe its the fact that there is another nigga I know of who been trying to put in his bid with her (before i was even in the picture) and I dont wanna bow out and watch him gain ground on some territorial shit.
#truthis..its all of that put together, not an equal distribution though...
This blog has taught me that writing shit down as shown has shown me the reality of the situation. As long as my fingers are candid I will always see the truth that lies in the world regardless of my feeling towards it and with that comes realization. Now Whattheeefuck to do with that realization??
Yah I've decided to just say fuck it and stop dating JS. Well currently i'm just waiting to see what happens, I ain't talk to her all day. It took me awhile to figure out what to do. I can't help but question my decision. I mean I ain't put words into action yet...
Iunno
on one hand I'm digging her and I'm not sure she's digging me...still!!
Something just doesnt seem all together there. I made her a cd she still hasn't listened to it after a week or so I think. Part of me is sayin yo eff it it's just a week and she has a youngin but the other is screaming WTF are u sayin. If a chick is feeling you she would have listened to that shit the next time she would be able to! Real talk!
Now I'm no Dr Phil but that about women I know! ( i assume he knows about women iunno)
If a chick wanna be wit you Unless you oblivious or something ...you'll know it. especially as opposed to a chick that wants nothing to do with you. Home girl is probably somewhere in the former half of the spectrum how deep in the left she is i got not clu, maybe she just likes the idea of me liking her, you know how women are. Knowing this I figure I'd take the initiative n just cancel our date for tomorrow (or later today) and just move on.
I hate getting got and because I've come to this realization deading the whole thing would make me feel betta about it, in a weird way. Call it a defense mechanism....
press the nuke button...it would be easier if i didnt like her like i do
*breaks the glass the button is encased in*
.
.
.
Sent from my iPod
Soft??
Hmmmm? Iunno WTF prompted this description of me but that's what Js called me.
Now she didn't mean it like on some dainty shit bacically she could have used the word laid back or "not aggressive" (I'm sooo aggresive) ask squirts, ask JuJu, ask my X so naturally I feel a bit misrepresented. Lol she stay callin me a pushover like lol anyway. I know im not a rah rah nigga if im talking to you why does everyone in the room has to hear it like lol. This aint about speaking volume though, my demeanor is very....baseline. very chill I don't get a rise out of anything nowadays, some people were fighting over an article of clothing today and i barely bat an eye. Its almost as if im slow i can imagine but im aware I just don't let it affect me. Its a misrepresentation so ima treat it as that...she'll see soon enough.
Back when we were first talking to each other I wasn't all gung ho bout my pursuing her cause she was in a tender place. She was still hurting from her last ship and I understood that, backing up wasn't really anything, i wasn't that deep in. I guess it became a way of defending myself from possible...pain maybe.
But in no way am I soft! Although she didn't mean it in that way i took it that way n she lit a fire under my ass. So I'm bout to take measures to make sure I see hers.. doggystyle
and make her mine in the process lol. Pz
Iite next day flow.
Donnie's log
Got stuck in ice right on Js' block (thank gawd) after a bunch of revving n reversing her mom came up on me kinda scaring me and she couldn't get me out, then her pops came through and got me out! So that was interesting. Good thing I met them already. Ass hole who can't control his whip would have made for a bad first impression lol.
So then she comes out after all that n by this point I already know I'm kissing her. My motivation? I made her a gift and shit i deserve that shit. The soft shit didnt help either at least it lets me know that she's annoyed with the tempo of things too so imna move foward as normal with the best of intentions of course. No deception, cards facing the sky...
Anyway
It's just so damn cold and I'm freezing like a muhhg in my work clothes and sweater/jacket. If it wasnt for the iced out block I would have been warm up in her crib i didn't wanna outright park on the ice so that i get stuck again so moms suggested i borrowed a neighbors driveway but i couldn't just abandon the car just in case so i waited for homegirl outside. I wasn't inconvenienced by the situation I get the privacy i need to comfortably make my move. so we talk n shit I give her the tape i made, she reads the card. She hugs me n and I Kiss her on the cheek, she reciprocates as shes done lately. we joking on each other like "ohhh u got stuck", "ohh look at u in ur sweats" all types of LOL's going around then she comes through with that pushover isht again
I let her know that I'm in fact taking It easy on her. I elaborated, she calls me sweet after some smooth delivery that then prompts me to inquire about how sweet she was.... I then lay one on her and let her know how sweet she was. she aight in the kissing department but first kisses don't tell the whole story n i knew this so that didn't stop me from cheesing and warming up n the iunno 20-30 degree night with concrete coated in ice. . like i said u can never judge kisser by their first kiss, nerves and uncertainty cloud the kiss so to speak. Hopefully she believes in the same thing cuz as we were making out I then proceeded to grab her ass.
:-/
Yeah i know...
It was by accident though.
She was wearing this 3/4 coat all bundled up and I couldn't tell ass from waist specially when my eyes closed. It's aight tho, I always fuck up a first kiss type situation. LoL
hmmm makes for an interesting blog post.
In related news...Me and squirts are officially done fucking . Weird shit. I was about to tell her that we couldn't eff around anymore but by the time i got home her sleepy ass was dormant. Anyway I'm at work and i hit her up during my boring 12 hour shift. She doesnt respond. then i get one of these...
Yea, i have to tell you something.
Here I am in the fucking cologne kiosk about to fall the fuck out. like i'm on some wtf type shit. This chick bout to tell me she's preggo. Now my bare penis have never felt the environment that is the vagine (va-gene) so my white kids are always 99.something percent away from the eggs/tubes. I start to panic and i send her a
"wha?"
and here goes the long wait... im outside n shit pacing.
and then she responds with a...
"I can't have sex wit you anymore"
Im like !!! i cheeesing like a mothafucka im relieved and the fact that i won't get sex x times a week for the time being doesn't really register. I shoot back
Wha? say word lol i was about to tell u the same thing
I like my friend the one whos locked up, hes getting out soon and i always liked him and i knew nothing was ever gonna happen with me and you. Wby?
ohh so u goin for the locked up dude, no doubt.
we said we gon be friends but after she fucks that dude who's coming home from jail ain't no way i'm touching her, real fucking talk.
We split amicably though..like it always goes.
Sent from my iPod
