Damn...almost one week until i graduate, shit is crazy...im happy but i am also sad cuz im leavin my girl behind, shits wack but what am i gonna do, im not fuckin with albany anymore, maybe for some grad school shit but thats only if necessary. Thanxgivin is upon us and im thankful for this year. Ive grown this year more than any year previous to it. I can say that I'm likin where i'm heading in life. Even though it still a bit foggy in terms of where im going to be moving to in the next couple of years (chitown, philly, NYC). I'm feeling good to the point where i don't remember feeling bad. It seems like it was a lifetime ago. Shits crazy
So im thankful for this year 08', im thank ful for being alive, even though there were times where i didnt mind death.
Anyway im back in brooklyn for thanxgiving and although my aunts crib is dingy and "project-y" as fuck its cool. My crib in albany aint taj mahal either. I wanna go home where i have my own shower and its clean.
I wanna fuck...but i know that aint happenin while im here unless a sudden turn of events goes down.
Im goin out with my boys later..looks like we doin the city thing, shits wack i cant fuck with it so i think im gonna be like fuck it and say no, even though i said yes, besides my ID situation is fucked up right now anyway...
I just wanna drink at a crib or somethin or go bowling or sumthin, the club scene aint for me anymore...its official, id rather get my chix outside the club anyway......
i really need to sleep but i just thought id chronicle-ize this rea quick...
I'm really feelin Shak right now...i cant picture me without her, and i cant picture her without me...shit is crazy, she sleepin rite now and i just wanna be near her. Shits new to me because the idea of me having that extension of care expand like that scared me. and i didnt wanna bother with it. I cared about myself to a degree more than others and for me to be in a relationship with someone i would have to extend that shit and i am. I care bout shorty and although i was thinkin bout ccreepin i won't. I can't, even though it wont last. Im goin back home to philly while she still has two more years up here. Next year she's studyong abroad too i mean ...i knew what i was gettin myself into and ima try to make it work while im able...
got my nose wide open n shit lol
two days of classes then i get my ass home..well brooklyn, hopefully, i dont regret that
my hearts being ripped open
from the inside
my crimson ovum has been fertilized
liberating my caeur
emotions come easy like a fetus
as it grows so does the person showing it
the hypothalamus is in full swing
chemicals fluctuating like hydraulics in a coup deville
as your windows to the earth displays
things once seen in a new light
a brighter light
skepticism, anger and doubt all gone
light at the end of the tunnel
God when was the last time i've been truly angry
i can see the beauty in things
or is that the perception playin tricks on me
i guess skepticism is alive and well...
He isnt Emcsqared
more like a standard deviation from what is
that "is" is regular
whatever that may be is up to you
for he's never known normal.
Standing in center aint superman
C'est bizzaro
not your average nigga
quiet like
he wears baggy clothes, he cusses and he carries a knife around
but he's no nigga, black boy or supathug
he goes to college, talks proper and is low key
but he's no oreo, no uncle tom or no prettyboy
He's the uncle don V for veritas
for he is the truth
Song playin: Rifle love- Raphael Saadiq; Lavish- Twista feat Pharrell
I should be reading but im optimistic. Other than that lemme just say although i cant wait to leave albany. Im gonna miss it. Although i'm not leaving it the same way i came in, Albany stands for grownth for me. Ive grown here morefor me this place stands for grownth. Ive made decisions based on me. Ive experimented, ive overcame, ive juggled and ive enjoyed relative freedom to be whoever i wanted to become. Although i dont know as much people here as i used to it still was a great semester. Mad attention i showed myself alot more. I probably smiled more this year more than any other year combined, this semester especially. I wasnt always the Don or "Pimp" i was but steps were taken and here i am. I stood alone this semester and i still managed to keep busy and get busy lol. I got a chick who is crazy about me, life is iite. I quit my job on wednesday. I had to, work was takin up too much time and school is demanding too much of me now to do both. I chose school because ireally want to get out of here.
"if you look in the sky and you don't see your dream man dont feel defeated cuz trust me you can build it"
I wanna go to grad school i know i've never even mentioned it on here but i do. Its a goal i have to accomplish. I want to be a city planner or urban planner, whatever you wanna call it. Im finna work for the govt and shit and eventually run a city maybe eventually the world. lol imagine me runnin a city. Moving stadiums, taking bribes...im a crooked as dude lol. I've been dissapointed in myself lately. I keep forgetting shit. Like im losing my mind. Whether it be my Id card or a sheet of paper thats important or shit i should do like email my professor.
Last fall semester i fealt like my brain opened up to me. I was doing the best ive ever done. Now, well...now im not doing bad or even mediocre...but its not enough. Im not super ambitious but i wanna do what i want and if that means good grades for now that is what i want. no ifs ands or asses....
I'm smart as fuck and no one will ever tell me different.... mad errors I'm tired i may edit it or not ....
