COGNI.VOL...

10 things I wish I could say to 10 people right now.

1. Fuck you, you are overrated
2. what the fuck is good my g??
3. I miss you, since my sophomore year oh high school we been tight; i understand though and I'm iite without you..
4. next time i see you i'm gonna be on you like a rug on a floor girl!!!
5. Even though i don't show it i do miss you.
6. I was scared, it was too much for me and although i shouldn't have pushed you away, you weren't good for me anyway
7. Sorry, i would have been the only black dude and it would be uncomfortable for me
8. Wheres my reccomendation, salope!!!
9. Hire me muhhfucka!!
10. I am what you're looking for, real talk!

9 things about me

1. music is everything
2. I'm very indecisive.
3. Since i graduated i went from apathy to worrysome in two months
4. Im madd smart and i hope the right people recognize it, everyone else does
5. I play the piano and im learnin to play the guitar
6. Ive always wanted to live in a BK brownstone (prolly not gonna happen since they changing downtown bk in 2010)
7. I luv house parties
8. I'm lost right now.
9. I love sex

8 ways to win my friendship

1. Be interesting
2. dont be too negative
3. similar interests help
4. has to have vices
5. Love music
6. outgoing
7. Gots to get into adventures
8. tell me the truth no matter what.

7 things that cross my mind

1. My future
2. I want new new shit
3. The Summer
4. The GREs
5. I wonder how spain really is?
6. when am i gonna drive
7. I need to head back to BK for a weekend

6 things I do before I go to bed

1. Brush my teeth
2. watch the latest sportscenter
3. fuck around on the computer
4. close the TV
5. put away the glasses
6. beat off

5 people who mean a lot to me

1. Mom
2. Brother
3. Grandma
4. Aunt
5. Youry


4 things I am wearing now
1. V neck
2. Grey Sweats
3. socks.
4. glasses

3 songs i listen to often

1. The Lox
2.Summertime- Mos Def
3. heaven at nite- Kid Cudi

2 things I want to do before I die

1. See the world
2. be successful

1 confession

I need a mentor or some shit cuz im lost...

1. last beverage → Water
2. last phone call → my phone has been reduced to an ornament
3. last text message → Victoria
4. last song you listened to → Jadakiss- Can't stop me
5. last time you cried → this past summer

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice → yeah
7. been cheated on? → probably.
8. kissed someone & regretted it? → ohh yeah
9. lost someone special? → Grandpa
10. been depressed?→ Yeah
11.been drunk and threw up? → yeap

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. burgundy
13. Black
14. navy

IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS HAVE YOU:

15.Made new friends → yeah
16. Fallen out of love → was never in love
17. Laughed until you cried → nahh
18. Met someone who changed you → yeah
19. Found out who your true friends were → yeah
20. Found out someone was talking about you → hmmm yeap actually
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ defenitely have
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → 95%
23. How many kids do you want to have → i want 1
24. Do you have any pets → not yet
25. Do you want to change your name → nahh i just shorten it...Don is fine
26. What did you do for your last birthday → mall, went on a date, sex
27. what time did you wake up today → 12pm
28. What were you doing at midnight last night → playing madden
29. something you CANNOT wait for → a fucking job
30. Last time you saw your father → shit i got no clue
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → location
32. What are you listening to right now → Burn Notice on TV
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom : nope
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → the economy
35. Most visited webpage → Facebook
36. Whats your real name → Don V
37. Nicknames → Don, V, Don V, Donnie, Columbine, Santana, Big D, nigga
38. Relationship Status → Single
39. Zodiac sign → Libra
40. Male or female or transgendered → Male
41. Elementary? → PS 231; Immaculate Heart of Mary
42. Middle School → IHM
43. High school → St Edmunds
44. Hair color → Black
45. Long or short →Short
46. Height → 5'9
47. Do you have a crush on someone? → nahh
48: What do you like about yourself? → my sense
49. Piercings → none
50. Tattoos → 1, more to come
51. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery - Never
53. First piercing → never
54. First best friend → David
55. First sport you joined → basketball
56. First pet → Rocky Chien
57. First vacation → Canada??
58. First concert → Ghostface
59. First crush → Christine Loubriel
RIGHT NOW:
60. Eating → nothin
61. Drinking → nothin
62. I'm about to → go play madden
63. Listening to → TV
64. Waiting for → this day to end


YOUR FUTURE :
65. Want kids? → yeah
66. Want to get married? → ehh i dont know...
67. Marry the current person you are with? → who, the air??? nahh
68. Careers in mind? → PR

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
NOW we got something!!!
69. Lips or eyes → Lipps
70. Hugs or kisses → Kisses
71. Shorter or taller → Shorter
72. Older or Younger → Older.
73. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → Nice Stomach
75. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
76. Hook-up or relationship → both...
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Yes
79. Drank hard liquor → Yes
80. Lost glasses/contacts → yeah
81. Had sex on the first date --> yeah, usually no dates
82. Broken someones heart → Yes
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes
84. Been arrested → not taken in but cuffed
85. Turned someone down → LOL Yes
86. Cried when someone died → Yeah
87. Liked a friend that is a boy? → Nahhhh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
88. Yourself → Yes
89. Miracles → No
90. Love at first sight → Yes
91. Heaven → No
92. Santa Clause → No
93. Kiss on the first date? → Yes
94. Angels → No

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
95. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → nah not really...wierd
96. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → nothin official
97.Have any Regrets? → yeah def
98. Love your friends?→ what friends
99.Happy with your life?→ its ok
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?→ nope!!

Hmm, slumdog millionaire huh?
I got nothing against Indian people or their practices but this some bullshit. I didn't watch the Oscars this year and because of that i missed out on heath ledger gettin the Oscar for best supporting actor. I'm all for good movies getting recognized but year after year some wack looking movie sweeps every movie out of the water. This year was about some Indian kid in a game show. How come the award giving academy is interested in every story but the black ones. Penelope Cruz won for best supporting actress for some Spanish shit. I wouldn't be surprised if one black movie was nominated for an award; and that is a damn shame in "post-racial America". Its crazy that the wire still isn't being recognized in the mainstream media. It shows black people in all walks of life. The content isn't for the kids but what they did with that series warrants some recognition, on the real tho
The fault isn't just on the Academy though. The fact that some black movies aren't gettin play is based on mad shit (factors).

My thirst for knowledge is not being fulfilled. I take school for granted to a degree but I was learning. Professors were dictating, I was studying I was getting knowledge, getting smarter.

Now that I'm not in school ( i graduated) I'm no longer doing any of those things.

I'm not studying Psychology and Sociology theories and applying them to real life. I'm not learning new things from random general education classes. I'm just chilling, watching TV, looking for a job, playing video games, looking for girls to fill a void. etcetera. I'm not learning anything and i feel that I'm suffering for it.
Sometimes when i think or read I skip around. I'm not finishing thoughts and sometimes i have pauses in speech where I'm thinking of what to say mid sentence and that fucks up my whole speech. I am studying for the GRE's and that is something but its basically studying how to get through the test. I'm learning GRE words and that's cool but I'm a humanities guy; i like learning about human phenomenons social or psychological. Thats probably why Ive been reading so much blogs lately. I'm interested in whats in other peoples heads. How they live, their opinions, their values or reasoning, all of that. I'm trying to learn, to apply new things into my life, i feel that i could read a book right now.



I feel like the blogs are not enough though i need to keep stimulated in an intellectual way. Ive been in school non stop every year from kindergarten to December 7th 2008. I just gotta get used to not being in school, at least for a while because grad school is a must. Until then I'm gonna bookmark the newyorktimes.com and I'm gonna keep reading blogs and maybe eventually self help books [who doesn't need self help].

I need knowledge to flow in between my ears constantly in order to feel right....something else im learning about myself...

Ive been thinking about this for a while now but someone else's blog sparked my brain again.

i realized a long time ago that black people are probably the most marketable race in america, shit..maybe the world!!
Now just hear me out. Allen Iverson, Michael Jordan, Lebron James Kobe Bryant got people buying their shoes for 125+ dollars a pair. Tiger Woods is the highest paid athlete from endorsements and he plays golf, which [i can safely say] is a white mans game. You got Diddy and Jay-Z turning crumbs into cookies on top of the world and shit. We lead a certain life that makes the world take notice in some sort of way. We know what to do in the spotlight and we have an affinity to draw a crowd, we inspire. Even though whites and everyone else won't say it but their actions says it all. Ive lived with about 7 white boys and ive seen the affect that black artists have on their lives and i was VERY SUPRISED. Before that one year i thought white folks listen to toby mcgwire or hank something, james blunt lol.
A majority of hip hop sales are made possible because of the white people that buy the C.D's [ i heard Ludacris shouted white people out for getting him where he is in a recent concert]. People in general buy the expensive sneakers with Jordans likeness as the emblem. People marvel at our athletic prowess and wish to do what we could do. We even have the most publicized President a person of my generation has ever seen. Barack Obama and his family are followed like they are celebrities, his daughters have dolls in their likenesses! Barack and Michelle's romantic getaways are very publicized down to the location lol. its crazyy Im not sayin that its fucked up that people arent giving us the overt respect and admit that we are super marketable cuz the very fact that they are placing some of us in the spotlight to make all types of money is a form of respect. Lets face it we have a huge stake in what goes on in pop culture

.... i dont feel like typing anymore... Its just that sometimes i think that some of these sports like baseball and nascar need a black person as one of the faces in order to increase their popularity and ultimately their profits. I mean look at what Allen Iverson did to basketball, i mean he didn't make it the crazy worldly phenomenon it is now but the attitude of these basketball players that make them somewhat marketable goes back to Allen Iverson. His braids (not anymore) and the crazy tattoos set the tone, not to mention his i dont give a fuck attitude.

OK now im bored...

A few random things....

I was watchin this new MTV show, at least I think its new, i know i never saw it before. Yeah, but its called "Sex...with Mom and Dad". Some OD sexual kid goes into therapy for his or her sexual missteps with their parents. Peep this the therapist is the same dude from that drug rehab show on VH1. This one white girl said that she has 25 "bodies" to her name [ she fucked 25 dudes] and peep this, she is 16!!! 16 year old white chick fuccin maaad dudes, this shit is unseemly!! This other mexican lookin dude said he had like 35-50 sexual partners. Im like what the fuck!!!! Im not a prude but damn 45 bodies before you're 20 is crazy. I wonder if anyone i know has 45 bodies on em [ a dew comes to mind]. The decline of society is soo emminent, i was thinkin about sex at 16 i'll admit but damn... How the fuck her pussy aint oozing yellow yogurt is beyond me. Must have been fun though but my frame of mind woulda been fucked up. After a while i'd be sure that i had something. Going off her demographic though there is a chance a good percentage of her conquests were virgins so at least she had that going for her..lol


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In other news when me and my people graduated high school some went to go to college and some didn't. One person in particular went to India of all places, he wanted to be a doctor and in India they take med students at a young age. Well i just saw homies facebook profile and he is now a twenty one ( shit i thought the kid was at least 22) year old DOCTOR. This motherfucker is on some doogie howser type shit. I don't know if he can practice in America as of yet but just the thought of this kid being a doctor is mind boggling. 1. He's from the Barbados and he's half Indian (from India) so he speaks that type of patoir. 2. He's always been an immature mofugga, but he cool tho. Best of luck to the homie Hov.

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OH YEAHH I GOTS MY LICENSE!!! Im mad excited, i gets to be behind the wheel without somebody coachin me n shit, and i can get around with more ease. Now....about that whip...

My eyes are soooo lazy, im not used to getting up this early. i improved to 11AM but the past few days ive been getting up at 7/8 AM for interviews. My first interview was Warehouse Management in this company that distributes donated toys/books/clothes to kids. It paid good so i went to check it out. Little did i know that the place is more than two hours away. Shiet its not even in Philadelphia. I found out that a bus goes over there so i went to check it out. By the time i got there i was so turned off at the idea of working there that i didnt care when the lady said she couldnt give me the job due to no management experience. LOL the lady called me up there and that was one of the first things she said!! im like, what the fuck, but i didnt care cuz i would hate commuting over there every day, and septa is so fucked up that after as certain time the buses would stop runnin. My interview today was in the city but they asked me to sell insurance for commission, HEWLLLLL NOOOOOO. WTF this was supposed to be the week i come out with a job. Oh well im just gonna keep looking....


One thing the insurance company did do for me was put things in perspective. In their marketing pitch they mentioned the difference between a job and a career. He wrote {on a board with a marker, you know how they do} that a job is: "a hat you put on a 9 and you take off at 5". I was thinking that a job would be something i want because most of the stuff i love about life has nothing to do with a job. I would work earn money and live life everyday after 5PM, with my wife, kids and my doberman pincer named Cicero. He then went over career and he listed a few attributes that make a career a career. One of the attributes listed was:
I was thinkin about it throughout the train ride and being that i need a purpose in order to succeed in life. Not that i wasn't thinkin about what i wanted to do before but there was a sense of purpose missing. What makes someone wanna sell insurance? What makes people wanna crunch numbers all day? Passion summed it up. I was also talkin to shorty (someone else, holla) today and she lookin to get her CPA. A piece of the convo went like this.

Yoo, am i reaching or did i really find out what I'm supposed to do in life???
Did i find my calling? because ever since Ive made the decision it stuck in a way that no other decision has.
there were always ifs and maybes and fogged up areas from here to where ever

but i feel that i have a clear view of what i wanna do now. I could be a health behavioral analyst or work for the gov't, the CDC. Shit pays good too, don't get it fucked up lol. Money Is A Major Issue ya digg lol, like im from Florida...feel me?


[M.I.A.M.I] just in case you didn't get it (damn im so witty)


I may be slow to choose but I'm just tryin to undo what i did in the past. I was a sociology major... :-(


I got more less serious shit but ima get at that later or tommorow.... life is soo fuckin funny

Its 4:30 Am and i think im gonna sleep. I just wanna write some thoughts on here before i lay out.

X- Incubus is the shit. The album Make Yourself is tight.
X- it was a confusing weekend, i have decided on what grad school program i wanna partake in though, Health Administration.
X- Communications is a close second.
X- Business admin may be too much for me. Math is not my strong suit and im not payin $22,000 to fail out. Yeah its negative to think that way but i'm real, math sucks!!!! Fuck math fo real though, Pythagoras can suck a dick, real talk!

0- I got a busy ass week ahead of me. I got my road test on thursday and two interviews this week. I hope to get both of em but im gonna start with one job. Its not like im raising kids, one job should do me lovely. The highest paying one is up first but its like 1 hour and 30 minutes away from the crib. Its outside of philly so that could be a plus, but who knows what's outside oh philadelphia. I get a negative vibe being out here. Its whatever though, i need me some bucks. Warehouse management or whatever position First Investors Corp is offering.

Only time and greenbacks will tell, but if i can have a choice id wanna work in the city, take the train, see people.

Im tired....

This isn't alternate reality
and whats broken is not mended
decisions were made, life moves on
this is something I've apprehended

What sticks to me in such a way
with ifs and supposes
lingers on since the day
our sea did the Moses

Although its sad and rightly so
the decision was probably best
the past is missed so is my shorts
damn i miss suckin on them breasts







...lol just a lil something i wrizzote. its been a while since i wrote poetry. This one was somewhat structured and I'm used to just freestyling but i like the way it turned out.

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Yo im such a freak. I've been told this countless times but im thinkin its starting to become unhealthy. I think about sex all the time. I know that this is normal for men but i think i crossed the line a looong time ago. The droughts aren't helping, this past summer i moved over here to Philly and haven't had sex for three months. The semester before there was a mini drought also. When i am having sex i get a one track mind and that's to get my nut. My girl..i mean ex complained about it but that was all she complained about. I'm surprised she was so down for me and my sex drive. Not all girls are like that. Anytime i wanted to have sex, barring a period and if we were in a public setting she would give it to me, shit she wanted it too.
I was spoiled rotten; I was a kid in a candy store (i treated her like candy if you know what I'm saying). I didn't need to even look at another chick because she kept me...occupied in more ways than one. A highlight of ours that we would talk and text about would be the box of twelve condoms we used up in five days(SAFE SEX PEOPLE! QUIT SPREADIN SHIT) . When I have sex with a chick once is never, ever enough. I use a 3 pack a night, two that night and one in the morning. There are times when I burn myself out though. Usually i just need to eat and thats taken care of.
I've always had a crazy libido and i never understood why. Its a gift and a curse cause sometimes i get "injured" while goin in. This is the worst sexual drought Ive ever sustained. This is mainly due to the fact that Ive been having sex at a high ass rate and very consistently since Oct 27th ( a lil bit before that too) due to the last drought. I'm afraid the next girl I'm with is not gonna be able to fuck with me because i feel like I'm gonna beat (no Chris Brown) the breaks off the next girl i get with. One thing i don't do is jump around though. Ive never done that. I like havin sex with girls i'd probably would wanna fuck again, maybe for a period of time.
I'm gonna admit before the weight loss i wasn't getting it like this lol, not at all. I did my thing here and there but nothin major. Maybe the fact that my sexual fuel tank is that of a H2 Hummer is because i was so frustrated. Ohh well. If you wondering, in times like these, if i "make due" until someone comes along then yeah i do make due. Otherwise i would probably go crazy. My first week at home was not sweet at all, i was Od down, depressed because i wasn't gettin any LOL. Shits was crazy! At that point i couldn't go a week without the pooms!!! Its mainly the reason why i missed my lady too. Because of my libido, sex could be deemed a big part of our past relationship. Without it, and the added distance apart....we fell apart. (obvii it wasn't the only reason)


*thinkin*
Damn i need to stop blogging about her.
For real now, am i stuck???
I can't be stuck.
I just got nothin goin on right now
**


In other news: I finally hit the wall of customization fuckin with the default templates that Blogger offers; So i went outside the website and got it like i would do the old myspace layouts. I thought that the formatting of this site was like creating a website from scratch using HTML or JAVA or some shit. But low and behold the shit is copying and pasting!! whaddaya know! lol. Shits cool though, i defenitely was thinking brown because i think that brown and burgundy

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Oh yeah I'm gonna go and say it...
The Dunk Contest was super fuckin wack. Niggas is doin weak dunks and Nate Robinson usedWilson Chandler to dunk some regular shit, Homie wouldn't have jumped over Dwight Howard if he didnt use his other hand to get that lift. What happened to Vince Carter and Kobe Bryant type shit. Niggas be on some outrageousment stuff today. Maybe I'm fucked up lol, I'm an old school nigga then. Allen Iverson cut his hair! I was shocked as hell but i did see it comming. Carmelo Anthony, Trey Songs, LudaCris of all people! When Luda and A.I. cut their braids off then braids are dead!!

Point Blank (.)

Yo this chick Adele is amazing. Her voice is OD beautiful..its not overly awe inspiring but it moves me. I just thought id write that since I'm now listening to her single for the fourth time. I'm probably Youtube her album lol, give it a once over.

This is my 101th post and in light of that i figure id recap some of the past posts/subjects ive blogged about.

At first the bloggin was just an outlet for all the things that have bothered me about my life thus far. I'm a complex person and i have my bad ... HAD a knack for torturing myself with all types of shit from every thing that deeply bothered me to past issues. Doing that really helped me get over maaad shit; that and actually fixing most of my problems. Writing stuff down immediately became therapy and it even helped me learn more about myself. I definitely wasn't expecting that but i 'preciate it.
I feel like that dude from cruel intentions. He had this journal where he wrote about everyone he knew. I didn't do that but i feel that if im gone someday (prematurely) that this strangely enough will be my Legacy. Not much people know about what I'm about, they have one or two aspects but i keep most to myself, part of me is glad that its that way but the other part of me just wants to post this URL on Facebook and be like "here is me". I'm not gonna do that, at least not now, I'm chillin.

I wrote about my past present and what i hope for the future and although i was very protective of this blog i hope that maybe someday i can share it with more than just one other person lol. I digg bloggin, its like writin in a journal and thats exactly how i treat it.

Ok so hopefully i get a job next week seeing that i have multiple interviews set up. I wanna hit the ground running before i collect to save. Working in Albany i was not much of a spendthrift because i had to pay bills and eat (shit like that). Although my gear wasnt really OD affected my menial material things game suffered. Im not one to get these fly gadgets but it loks soo "nifty" lol.
A lil "sidekick" you can have around. Hold UP!!!!!! should i even get one!!!?!?! everyone and they momma has one. Remember them motarola razors?? ohh no DonDon ohh no my brotha i gots to go my own way. Yeah so strike that out of the list because although it is probably a great lil ....thing to get I'd rather find an alternative. I got to find an ipod alternative also, SMH, research research research...fuckin ay.




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Now since i wanna start drivin. I'm gonna need a car. I definitely woulda had a job by now if i had a car. I've received three, three possible interviews but during the initial contact they asked me if i had a car. After i said no they just gave me a "thank you for your interest" and *click* , hang up. Besides im in philly and i need a car out here. Since i have a affinity for black my first whip will most defenitely be black. Ive always liked the 2000 umm whats it called??? ummm impala?? Yeah Impala, because it looks sleek and its long looking, almost like a limo.

Parking will be a bitch because when one is looking for parking its best to have a small car for the tight spaces. I wouldnt even be looking for such a space, lol im gonna need OD parking space for this bad boy. Yeah there are defenitely better cars out there but "I am what i am, and thats all that i am" and i like this whip. No rims tinted windows is a must, not even considering skirts and a spoiler, im not in LA. Leather seats?? iunno, i like customizing shit.



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Last and defenitely not least is a Doberman Pinscer. Yess i know it look OD evil and it goes with my persona. Im not evil but i walk the line, my morals are midgeted. But yeah, Im really feeling this Breed. Ive done my research and it seems that this Dog would be perfect for the crib. I would have tried to get one a long time ago (since i got back from Albany) but i felt that it would be better if i had a steady income.
A pup would probably go for 300 but ima need another 150 for a physical and shots, i would have to stock up on chicken cuz im not up for feedin a dog sour meat and dog crackers all the time. A dog is a domesticated wolf and he should eat almost like a wolf does. I was talkin to a dog owner in Albany about feedin a dog raw meat and although she didnt fuck with it it is practiced. She fed her dog chicken and potatoes lol, thats my favorite dish lolol, im not up for bakin tho so my foreman would have to go into overtime. I wanted a rottweiler but i felt that it wouldd be too big. The last i saw one in a crib i was at it fucked everything up lol. Im thinkin about havin an open mind about it still but for starters im checkin for a Doberman. I think i wanna be a dog breeder and specialize in dobermans and Rotties. That would be a good look.

Smh lol Im a thickskinned nigga cuz basically i dont give a fuck but even i grow weary of certain things. You know at first shits new and you can tolerate it, you even may find it funny but as time goes by that certain personality trait, or feature of somebody gets real old and real tiresome to the point where you just cant stand talking to them. That is what im goin through, i dont talk to my ex much since we broke up but everytime i do i realize again why we are where we are.
the trait was tolerable because she was close and i could talk to her face to face, touch her up and sex her up so everything was copa. Now? different story!! sarcasm sometimes is ok it can even be funny but when you are sarcastic ALL THE TIME it makes me not wanna talk to you. Talking to you becomes tiresome and predictable. Part of me knew this throughout but we would conversate like normal people sometimes. Now in this texting society the sarcasm lays on thick and its unfortunate because its part of why we broke up. Its ok though, it was mainly a sexual relationship anyway...


This blog has to stop being so defensive. Sometimes people do shit to annoy the shit out of me. These next couple of days or weeks, depends on if i get around ima make myself aware of the things that annoy me and ima write it down. Just so that its concrete and i can say that "I hate this" and "i hate that" shit maybe a nigga can make a blueprint about what to dodge when it comes to women. I won't go that far im just sayin...

I hate being annoyed, i have no patience for it. I will hold hate for a person temporarily if they annoy me. I don't seethe for anybody but i temporaroly seethe for people who are annoying. Its probably due to lack of patience. Me and patience dont have a defenite relationship. Sometimes she is really prevalent in my life and other times she leaves me. I was so patient at one point in time that i moved my whole room down two blocks for the whole day. It was exhaustive but i remember telling myself that " this will be over sometime before today", " i wont be doing this forever", "there is an end in sight". Now i probably could do such a thing but i would be tight about it. Now especially when it comes to people i have no patience because if you are a certain way and it constantly nags me or annoys me i wouldnt be able to stand it. Its fuckin my quality of life up lol. Im an even tempered nigga and i dont buck like most niggas do but i will let feelings and thoughts be known under such duress ya digg??

i think im done... now for the blog post i originally wanted to do

I saw this movie on TV1 (the second BET, here in Philly) and as i expected i loved it. The movie is soo real and as i come to expect from Spike Lee its very, nery New York City.
I miss my home sooo much. I miss it terribly but thats no where close to the point of this blog.

If you havent seen this movie or havent seen a Spike Lee film then you are unfortunate. The man is a genius. His movies has a certain substance that resonates throughout. When you are watchin a Spike Lee joint, you know it! I'll admit i wasnt too fond of him as a person but that was me being prejudgemental and although he is who he is he is in fact a movie genius.

Everything from his camera angles, to the lighting in certain scenes to the signature dolly walk that some of his characters do when under extreme pressure and angst. Its these little things that i appreciate from his movies.



If i were to pick one it would probably be eitherrrr...clockers because its shot right in my borough Brooklyn, and the overall feel of the movie is so BK. I like Do the Right Thing because of the story, the story is amazing and the tension it brings gripped me when i first saw it. Mo betta blues (=>) is another one of my favorite because it just caught me by suprise.

Im excited because ive watched only like under two handfuls of his movies.

1. 25th hour
2. Do the right thing
3. Mo betta blues
4. Clockers
5. Inside Man
6. Miracle at St Anna
7. Malcom X (beautiful, my first one)
8. He got Game
9. When the levees broke
   

I think thats all the ones ive seen. And to think that there is more out there such as: Get on the Bus and She gotta have it and She hate me makes me excited for the opportunity to watch them. Each of these movies made me think and im appreciative of them and their maker. Big ups to Spike...


...

other than that, i dont feel like writing...im not in the best of moods...

I keep second guessing myself. Wondering "what ifs" and "what then". I got mad pressure on me and its self inflicted. There are people who are alot worse off than I am and im not even thinkin of them (why should i anyway). I just want to not worry, i feel im gonna be miserable when i grow up even more. I hope not but this aint a great start, hopefully there is more to life than this. Its just that i have no clue where to look. Im lost as fuck and i need direction but no one can give it to me. I just want one finger, a finger to point anywhere and to tell me where does such a path lead. I'm doin my best to keep it to myself cuz i have slipped and i feel that its looking like im not built for the real world or that im not grown enough to stand on my own two. That is whats at stake here. I just need to keep cool and find a way out of this by myself, Only then will i be able to go through my trial and tribulation. Everyone has to go through something right? Ive been dodging roadblocks all my life and now i gotta stand up and try to break through one. If i have the best of intentions i cant fail right. Thats my biggesst fear right now..well next to castration and amputation.

Im scared to fail.
I care if i fail...

sometimes i wish i was still the same me who dont give a fuck if he died tommorow. I was so reckless lol... Maybe my luck would get me into some shit. I feel so human, so mortal. In a way i was so strong. What the fuck happened...


I mean...

God watch over me man...

later



defenitely time to privatize this thing

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth is my all time favorite band/hip hop group/ artist ever...Second is Tupac Shakur. I defenitely have not watched notorious yet and i dont plan to, maybe just to see Naturi's titties but thats it

2 for a while I wished that i was 6 feet tall, im over it now but in the past i was tellin people i was 5'10 or 5'11 when i was actually 5'8. im 5'9 now though

3. My all time high in weight WAS 260 pounds

4. I'm Scared of birds....yeah i know, im not scared of snakes though so eat it.

5. I lived in Haiti from the summer of 91 to the summer of 92.

6. Growing up i aspired to be a Hitman and i wanted to get rich off of it.

7. I'm 3-0 against the police

8. I was one of those kids who would practice wrestling moves on other kids. Me and my people even started calling ourselves the NWO.... hmmm strangely none of the members are on facebook?!?

9. Either i think before i act extensively or i dont think at all before acting....

10. Keeping in touch isnt my strongest suit, im tryin to get better at it though.

11. I was scared of dogs until i lived in downtown albany during my sophmore year. I now want a Doberman retriever and a Rottie.

10. To be honest, if you are wearing a suit around me and i dont know you there is a very high chance that i dont like you because you are wearing that suit... i dont know why, i've been hating "suits" since i was little...now i wanna wear one lol

11. If i bump into you in the street. i would want to see you first before you see me.

12. I started wearing hats alot in college cuz of my big forehead and my very curly hair and the cold albany weather

13. Ive never been in love before

14. Me being a jerk is a new thing. I was always the nice guy so i recently made the change...the results have been...satisfying =p

15. I have a great sense of humor but i only show it to like 10% of the people i know.

16. I have the best luck ever..my luck held me up even when i was really apathetic. I also think that me attending church leaves me even luckier. Its been a while since i been in church.

17. Growin up as a lil dumb kid, i decided that i wanted a kid at 24 because my mom had me at 31 and now that im old she's old so i wanted to be a cool young parent....Im 23 right now and havin a kid is the farthest from my mind, but its somewhere down the line.

18. I hate talking on the phone, it fucks upp my hearing while im on it and i hate awkward silences (over the phone). Before i got unlimited texting my phone was an ornament.

19. Im noT AN ALCHOHOLIC!!! and females take up too much space in my head

20. HDTV is the shit...lol nahh, ummm I am a certain type of way when i drink and it depends on who im with when i drink. I get the worst around St. rosians lol

21. My crushes growing up: Tyra banks, Toni Braxton, Mary J, Tboz from TLC (ahh Tboz)

22. when i was little i would get sick every year. from 9 to 15 years old i would puke and throw up every janurary for two weeks. It would happen after i'd eat something. So for two weeks every januaray for six years i couldnt eat anything but Jello. I still dont know why that happened to me to this day.

23. Ive been to the hospital as a serious patient once in my lifetime.

24. I was a very vulgar child growing up. God tried to take my middle finger three times (a car door, the second exit of St edmonds Highschool and another door of an apartment building)

25. I would get into alot of fights in my early years... friends, enemies, family...i was an angry kid...but ever since i fought my brother on some dumb shit i chilled completely. I havent laid a hand on anybody since the 8th grade...I was jumped that one time but that was self defense.


and they say people cant change....


____________
USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. Be sure to tag the person you received it from!

1. Where is your cell phone? BED
2. Your significant other? none
3. Your hair? cut
4. Your mother? concerned
5. Your father? who?
6. Your favorite thing? laptop
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? cranberry
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. What room you are in? bedroom
11. Your hobby? drawing
12. Your fear? amputation
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Brooklyn
14. Where were you last night? home
15. MISSING!!!
16. Muffins? yummy
17. Wish list item? Itouch
18. Where you grew up? Flatbush
19. Last thing you did? ate
20. What are you wearing?Shorts
21. Your TV? regular
22. Your pets? Soon
23. Friends? little
24. Your life? stalled
25. Your mood? contemplative
26. Missing some one? no
27. Car? None
28. Something you're not wearing? Hat
29. Your favorite store? H&M
30. Your favorite color? Burgundy
33. When is the last time you laughed? mornin
34. Last time you cried? unknown
35. Who will resend this? who
36. One place that I go to over and over? Mall
37. One person who texts me regularly? Juju
38. My favorite place to eat? Friendlies
39. Why you participated in this survey? Bored
40. What are you doing tonight? Random

Chillin here, sore as hell.
I tried matching the site to the picture above but i think i'm slightly off. Its not my fault though, blogspots colors arent as extensive as i had hoped. Oh well, what can i do, i like it anyway.

Helldate is off the chain lol, im not the datin kind of dude im a chill in, watch a dvd at the crib kind of guy... besides my last date ended up the same way.This white chick from Troy took me out n shit (yes gender role reversal is tight) but then again it was my birthday, we done went to the movies came back to my crib, popped in some of that Halloween on the DVD then we umm consumated. Ehh she wound up bein such a jealous ass bitch but yeah, my one hell date was when this one chick had the ovaries to ask me for jewelry lol major turn off.

Anyway, i saw this one video on youtube mad niggas in a party and they chillin but all of a sudden a couple of chicks start spouting out of the mouth. then what do you know: a full on riot went on like 6 to 8 niggas start fighting each other. Shit was crazy. You can find it under "Cheyney Rumble" in youtube. I'd embed it but i just dont want to.

Umm, i had this wierd ass dream about umm that person that i used to be with and we was togetha in that dream, the thing is i wasnt really happy about that fact. I saw me as unenthused and bored hopefully thats the last time that happens cuz i dont need that in my head while i sleep.

Finally got in touch with the person that knows me the most in this world. We got back up and shit. We unleashed all type of problems thats been goin on in our lives on each other, advice, talkin...all that, it was tite. I find out i dont need that type of support system like i used to. Growin up she was the only one there for me, anything i needed; the same for her from me. As written way below we aint speak in a year. The half the reason was unknown to me until last nite, and i wont get into it here. The other half of the reason was me being busy with my shit and my pride wouldnt let me call her. I was like if she aint finna talk to somebody then eff it.

I suck at keeping in touch with people and i come to terms with that a whiiile ago. for one reason or another i rather progress and know new people, even though that don't come as easy for me. Theres a nice handful of people i still talk to for a whiiile now but i wouldnt say we go as far as chill and hang out with each other, we just keep contact, and thats iite for me.

IIte im starting to get bored....

"The fact that i dont have a job right now sucks"

I dont want to be a bum ass nigga like the grown men in my life. When im down the road 10, 20 years in the future i want to be in a positive place, i dont wanna work no dead end shit job that has no meaning and no prestige. I want to be a provider for whatever family i hope to have and to be able to say im doin what im supposed to be doing. Moms told me about this one family friend who has like 8 baby mamas. Im thinkin what the fuck is wrong with this nigga. I mean he cool and all and i shouldnt knock his situation but damn. Shit happens in life and people makes mistakes but cmon b. Homie works in a less than desirable profession too, not much money ya dig, gettin handouts from his fam. I know family is there to help you out but i dont want help when im older. I want to stand on my own two like a man, even though most of the men i know havent. The choices ive made out of youthful apathy are wrackin my brain lately, i wonder if its too late to reverse it.

I dont know the situation about every other man out there, all i can do is do me and make sure I am headed where i want to be headed. 8 kids from 8 different mothers is crazy though, i luv sex but i cant let it drive me to do stupid shit like that. Alot of people dont have my smarts though. I could fuck everything that move but i fuck what moves me. Yeah i would fuck without rubbers but damn, the times are crazy and maybe sex requires rubbers in these times. To be a young papi is something that i am not trying to do at all right now. Yeah it could be done, "i will survive" and all that but im not trying to feel that responsibility rite now and that is (naturally) part of the reason why i never went raw on a chick (that and a crazy fear of my dick being useless through aids n shit). But yeah...went off tangent here, lookin like a "practice safe sex commercial"

but this is me, I'm a smart nigga, im tryin to mitigate the worst and not have a slew of dumb decisions fuck my shit up. Why they givin dog the bounty hunter another season, SMH...white people...anyway. Yeah

Im hungry so ima go to sleep while watchin tool academy

tribute to spike lee tommorow...

Damn the chicks on Ray J show are badddddd!
super sexy fo real! that chick with the tatt on her face...mhmm . i know what i said on my last post but i dont care, im a complex individual dammit. lol

Ehh ima be sore tomorrow.

i dont know what to say. i was thinkin in light of my status as a single nigga i could list qualities i like in a chick but i remember doing that already, so im not tryin to do that again....

im just gonna read my shit from the beginning


WAIT...
wait, wait, wait, wait...

Lemme put my five cents in on this 50 cent, Rick Ross beef thing.

Rick Ross is a dumb ass muhhfucka. Stupidness, i dont know the reason he went after 50 but i gauruantee that he will regret it. Rick put out a song (which i didnt listen to, cuz i dont check for ross like that). 50 put out a song. Rick then gives 50 an ultimatum that he has 48 hours to try again lol. So what does 50 do? He flies Ricks baby momma out from Florida to sit and talk to him about "Rawsss" in front of a camera. She basically outed him as a Corrections officer again and spilled the beans about all types of baby daddy, baby momma drama. This dude is resourceful as hell, i dont know how ross will bounce back from this. I hope he does though so that 50 can end his career, i wouldnt be mad if that dude disappears like Ja Rule and Fat Joe (thank god someone did something about Fat Joe).

Anyway, a job called me today and they wanted me to come in, BUT....because i dont have a car, i was disqualified. Immidiately i thought thats ass but im glad that i got at least a call. Thats officially a call or interview request per week since ive been looking for a job. Thats all i can ask for. Im not lookin to be a bum ass nigga, that isnt my intention at all. Im 23 years old and the fact that i dont have a job hurts like a muhhfucka.... let me end this and start a new blog

iite the Superbowl is up in less than two hours and although im in Pennsylvania i wanna see the Cardinals win.

One> cuz the Steelers beat my squad, The Ravens

Two> cuz i wanna see the underdog win, shit they whupped the panthers ass like they stole something..

I recentyl reached a life decision and decided to go into grad school for business administration. Money Is A Major Issue (MIAMI) nowadays and i dont wanna worry. I know its gonna be hard work for about 1 and 1/2 to two years but ima be better for it. Im finna go to Lasalle U.
Today im such a different person than i was yesterday (figuratively). The shit ive done in the past when it comes to apathy and makin wrong decisions is commin back today cuz im kickin myself for it today and its been a stressor. Gettin into such a program and gettin some good Gmat scores will help me undo the wrongs ive done in the past.

Although one should live in the present one shouldnt put himself in a bad position for the future.

There were times where i thought i wouldnt live past 2005 and there wer etimes where i just didnt give a fuck, i wanted self gratification then and i want self gratification now. if you asked me to define the term "self gratification" then and now you would get two different answers. One thing remains constant though, i wanna be happy.

yoo fo real chicks need to stop gettin too many huge tattooos on they body like they dying in a month n shit. This one chick on myspace looks like pinhead from that one scary movie...hol up lemme see if i can find a picture:

oh yeah dude is from Hellraiser: Pinhead ass nigga lol but yeah. Homegirl got a monroe on her lip. two cheeks pierced. like three tongue piercings. one inbetween her eyes (like on the bridge on her nose). and her ears is done also.

(thinks)

ahhhh fuck it b im just gonna post her pic on here.






Dont get me wrong she is OK, id beat and everything but that shit is too much. She got tattoos out her ass too at least iunno 8-9 tatts. I'm all for expression and freedom and all that fuck society shit but damn. at least hide your shits.




Speakin of tattoos i need one more. and i still need to color my current shit in. I need to get on that, shit i need to get a muhhfuckin JOB.

Im done here... yo i like critquing people ima have to go onto alltheparties.com n shit and start critiquing bitches, shit its only natural. I remember seeing this one chick with and 8 head. i was like daaaaaaamn. I copied and saved that shit too cuz it was a phenomenon. It wasnt as much a big forehead it was defenitely due to her loosing her hair on some balding shit. Homegirl was gonna be a skinny uncle phil. ahh well, we all have our faults im sure she's a nice girl. Shit happens in life that you cant explain, what can you do...

Oh yeah....




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