COGNI.VOL...

danm my hands still smell like pussy

I was thinking on the ride home with FWB that girls are at a serious disadvantage when dealin with us. Probably me specifically. Im not gettin conceited but im just sayin. Dudes just go in a certain way depending on the female and in their mind they can be thinkin eff this girl but act so nicely and genuine and the girl is none the wiser. All we want is to fuck and doing what i did to that girl last semester and this chick now. I feel that we were both playin football n shit but i was on steroids. I had the upper hand it wasnt even an upper hand. I was not feeling shorty from the jump i even swore off that blackplanet myspace shit cuz of what went on tonite, these bitches coulda been on some KKK shit and i wouldnt be standin here. Thank god im ok buut because he did that im able to break some girls heart. Maybe its not that deep yet tho cuz after all i didnt fuck her so who knows.

I mean its not like girls aint got jack over us. They got us by the balls in all honesty. But certain men dont like every girl that happens to walk by (race,size...watever). There are ones that we just want because they like us so we might as well get in the draws. Men incite emotion, women display that emotion men act accordingly. Its like one is playin with their cards face down while the other party is playing face up. Thats what i did tonight, i took a girls emotions and turned it against her and cashed in. She entrusted me with a certain level of trust and i played on it. I knew where she was at, i twisted it and made her do whatever i want. She waited there as i did my thing and when it was time I came in her mouth, all because she liked how nice i was, how im not like other guys, how sweet i was. Everytime a girl like that tells me how sweet i am and how im not like other guys im like "shiet you don't know nothing sweetheart". I am a wolf in sheep's clothing. I show girls who i am but i plot on em every time and im tired of it.

Im tired of fuckin with these vulnerable less than pretty girls. I mean i know its heartless and this is probably the most disgusting thing i ever wrote but i dont give a fuck, I told you i was cold. Here i am and they talking about this nigga and that dude...exes and fucktards and im pretending to care for em like I was interested in them. They label me so nice but i really aint. As soon as FWB swallowed some kids i was like, how am i gonna get her outta here. I have an idea of what love may be. Ive never been in love before so i dont know what it feels like. To go from not trying to trying with intent thats good to straight up being a dog to bitches who are less than i want. I know that Love may be: when you try to not do that shit. When you dont try as hard to get in them draws. When her company is enough. When you just want to be in her presence and sex is almost an after thought. I hope someone tells me im right cuz if i aint than this life just got more shittier.



I feel nothing


In other news this chick wrote on my myspace wall, well not exactly its sitting in the pending box awaiting confirmation. In this message she says she thinks about me alot and how she got mad love for me. My first thought was not "aww how nice" or even "damn this one wants me OD" but got damn what would Tie think.
(realization)
wow, shits the truth too i was like if Tie sees this she gonna leave me alone and i dont want that. Ive been buggin ever since i saw that message and its been fuckin me up. I cant not show it then this girl will be like: "what the fuck what u embarrased of me? who u hidin the message from?" then ima have to out myself or tell her somthin else and i dont wanna get that deep at ALLLL. My life just got a lil bit complicated. I gotta dodge FWB then figure this out?! smh
Its crazy how i still hold her in that regard though, I want her and sex is almost an after thought with her, even tho she got goldigga tendencies i can work her through that. Im still feelin her tho but thats besides the point!!!! madda fact i should delete that last paragraph!!!

Ny.... i dunno what to do with her ( cuz i like her too but she has a bit of baggage)...the future aint lookin too bright i can feel it...

I need to talk to my Moms yo...i need somebody