Yah I've decided to just say fuck it and stop dating JS. Well currently i'm just waiting to see what happens, I ain't talk to her all day. It took me awhile to figure out what to do. I can't help but question my decision. I mean I ain't put words into action yet...
Iunno
on one hand I'm digging her and I'm not sure she's digging me...still!!
Something just doesnt seem all together there. I made her a cd she still hasn't listened to it after a week or so I think. Part of me is sayin yo eff it it's just a week and she has a youngin but the other is screaming WTF are u sayin. If a chick is feeling you she would have listened to that shit the next time she would be able to! Real talk!
Now I'm no Dr Phil but that about women I know! ( i assume he knows about women iunno)
If a chick wanna be wit you Unless you oblivious or something ...you'll know it. especially as opposed to a chick that wants nothing to do with you. Home girl is probably somewhere in the former half of the spectrum how deep in the left she is i got not clu, maybe she just likes the idea of me liking her, you know how women are. Knowing this I figure I'd take the initiative n just cancel our date for tomorrow (or later today) and just move on.
I hate getting got and because I've come to this realization deading the whole thing would make me feel betta about it, in a weird way. Call it a defense mechanism....
press the nuke button...it would be easier if i didnt like her like i do
*breaks the glass the button is encased in*
.
.
.
Sent from my iPod
I wonder...
Then again
People beak apart for a reason.
Someone is in ones past for a reason and although I personally don't believe its fair to keep them there so concretely, It is what it is. I dig this song immensely I don't even watch music videos like that, why? Iunno at a certain point and time they became all the same so I refrained from watchin em.
I just stumbled onto this one and I was cracking up. Say what you will about 50 but his sense of humor is crzy. Apparently his album ain't (isn't) doing too well. Although I feel that he has nothing more to say when it comes to music I feel that he will still find success. He just need to prioritize. Movies will be a good start. I just wish the nigga (more) success...that's all...
(not wholeheartedly i mean its not like he knows i exist so .... half of me is really like fuck the dude but he a character out there and I can't help but react to him existing so why not react)
Ill video Tamala Jones needs to go on the list <--- ohhh wait...i redid the page she gonna be over there ---> ; ^
put them arrows together lol
I don't have a new years resolution...nothing sticks out in my head. i just want to advance in age, attitude and prestige.
Ive went back to see if i posted a new years resolution blog last year for 2009. Something interesting i just wanted to see what i wrote.
Blue text indicates that I've fulfilled that resolution in 2009
I wanna get into grad school.
I wanna lose at least 20 pounds (to finish the fight)
I wanna make money
I wanna get my license and a whip.
I wanna fuck alot
I wanna have a better understanding of myself and where im going in life
I wanna go to georgia
I wanna learn to play the guitar that i brought months ago
I wanna meet some gottdamn illadelphians
I wanna make a baby...lol im playin.
Hewll no
Im not gonna get on myself.. im probably/hopefully scheduled to live at least 50-60 more years at best so 2010 I'm not expecting anything. Imna be on the lookout for opportunities cause 2009 was a bad year kinda like a waste of a year if I look at it in certain ways; but it was a year in which i existed and in that way it was a good year hopefully in twentyten things will come to fruition.
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Kim Kardashian
someone named Rochelle
2. Where was your first kiss?
On the stairs of her apartment across from her door..my first slap came soon thereafter lol
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property?
Yeah school desks, walls, trains
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
When i was a kid yeah... sorry.
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
nahh never have, never will.
6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?
face and tits
7. What really turns you off?
Bad Attitude, prudes, religious freaks, lames, close minded people, pettiness, people who are too concerned about others, ratchet folks, people who feel the need to change me, f*** all of y'all.
8. What do you order at Starbucks?
I don't mess with coffee unless I have to. French Vanilla from Dunkin Donuts is awesome though.
9. What is your biggest mistake?
being a sociology major in undergrad.
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
nahhh came close once.
11. Say something totally random about yourself.
It's possible that I am in a crossroads right now. Who isn't.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
yeah, ma$e, mostly. biggie when I was fatter, white folks can't tell one black man from another.
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
no not really
14. Did you have braces?
never have
15. Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah im good with it.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
This one girl got me a graduation present based on one of my hobbies at the time.
17. When do you know it’s love?
When she is all you think about and you can truly think about the future where you and her exist together. whatever I don't know. You tell me, no seriously.!!.
18. Do you speak any other languages?
Creole, french, spanish 100 level, sarcasm, and apathy
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Nah no need.
20. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yeap...Prom
21. What’s something that really annoys you?
people man. just people, lol for real though, slow drivers, people who talk but don't say nothing, jealous people, predictable pettiness.
22. What’s something you really like?
I like great movies. I like girls I can be myself with.. I like guilt free food that tastes awesome. I like Nike sneakers. I like tablets. I like phones with keyboards on them . I like porn.
23. Can you dance?
Yeah, but will I? Lol
24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Yes one time in my life. I was about 10 to 12 years old. I think I was dehydrated though. So I wonder how much that ambulance ride cost.
IIte so for a trial period I've joined twitter..
Some reasons was everyfucking body is on it and it seems like theres all this new lingo such as #something or RTsumthing and I have no clue what that means so I come to twitter for enlightenment. I also wanted to see what the big deal was. Twitter is def a mobile app cause who can be up in they comp tweeting 45 times an hr. So far its ookaaaayyy ima populate the list with pornstars and celebs and see waht happens lol maybe some real life associates.
oh yeah...
Twitter.com/dondonveezy
Yooo i had me a dream maaan i tell you.
Iite I dunno how this is so but sometimes i dream about multiple things ... i think cause who knows if they tied together somehow. First dream:
I was possesed and by a she demon. Not only did she take over my body but My consciousness retreated so far back that I was trapped in my own head while the rest of me was being controlled by the she demon. She had me doing all types of shit and when she went to sleep her dreams involved her getting fucked by me. Note she wasnt no ugly ass monster demon she was just some fine chick african chick demon she was tall and she had crazy features that only a man can appreciate when one is doing the nasty. So when she sleeps using my body she joins me in my consciousness and we have sex. Not just sex but incredible crazy supernatural sex like i dunno what it was but i couldn't cum she was riding me for hours n shit. All while this was happening i somehow was getting an exorcism externally. I dunno by who I didn see faces just bodies and words..i think, i have very vivid dreams, aint no rhyme and reason for it...maybe just a message or an act.
So they wake ME up sans african chick demon and I start cumming everywhere like ...i remember a grassy field and me making a huge ass puddle of semen n shit. It was epic...then the dream was over... i woke up but I went back to sleep soon thereafter.
Now the second dream is a recurring dream.
I get off on city line avenue in the "el Train" (philly is so wierd) if you didnt know i think that's where Love Park is at and its also where the financial district is at. I get off there and All of a sudden i'm the only mothafucka that needs to get off at this stop like everyone just disappears and there is limited lighting. So i go past the turnstyle and I slowly go up the stairs cuz its maad quiet I get to where i can see the street over the top step and i see that the street is bare. No one is walking around anywhere. All of a sudden a lion pops out of nowhere and runs up the stairs of an adjacent building. I take no time out to figure out shit i run back down the stairs and the lion follows suit. I get climb up an iron grate and hes just waiting down there occasionally jumping up to try to get me. I feel trapped n panicked and then i wake up.
Yooo this lion has been haunting me since i was little. I remember distinct dreams where it would just stare out at me in an emptry street from an alley, darkness covering half its face. shits crazy...i think i may have posted another dream with this lion recently imna see if i can find it.
PZ
Soft??
Hmmmm? Iunno WTF prompted this description of me but that's what Js called me.
Now she didn't mean it like on some dainty shit bacically she could have used the word laid back or "not aggressive" (I'm sooo aggresive) ask squirts, ask JuJu, ask my X so naturally I feel a bit misrepresented. Lol she stay callin me a pushover like lol anyway. I know im not a rah rah nigga if im talking to you why does everyone in the room has to hear it like lol. This aint about speaking volume though, my demeanor is very....baseline. very chill I don't get a rise out of anything nowadays, some people were fighting over an article of clothing today and i barely bat an eye. Its almost as if im slow i can imagine but im aware I just don't let it affect me. Its a misrepresentation so ima treat it as that...she'll see soon enough.
Back when we were first talking to each other I wasn't all gung ho bout my pursuing her cause she was in a tender place. She was still hurting from her last ship and I understood that, backing up wasn't really anything, i wasn't that deep in. I guess it became a way of defending myself from possible...pain maybe.
But in no way am I soft! Although she didn't mean it in that way i took it that way n she lit a fire under my ass. So I'm bout to take measures to make sure I see hers.. doggystyle
and make her mine in the process lol. Pz
Iite next day flow.
Donnie's log
Got stuck in ice right on Js' block (thank gawd) after a bunch of revving n reversing her mom came up on me kinda scaring me and she couldn't get me out, then her pops came through and got me out! So that was interesting. Good thing I met them already. Ass hole who can't control his whip would have made for a bad first impression lol.
So then she comes out after all that n by this point I already know I'm kissing her. My motivation? I made her a gift and shit i deserve that shit. The soft shit didnt help either at least it lets me know that she's annoyed with the tempo of things too so imna move foward as normal with the best of intentions of course. No deception, cards facing the sky...
Anyway
It's just so damn cold and I'm freezing like a muhhg in my work clothes and sweater/jacket. If it wasnt for the iced out block I would have been warm up in her crib i didn't wanna outright park on the ice so that i get stuck again so moms suggested i borrowed a neighbors driveway but i couldn't just abandon the car just in case so i waited for homegirl outside. I wasn't inconvenienced by the situation I get the privacy i need to comfortably make my move. so we talk n shit I give her the tape i made, she reads the card. She hugs me n and I Kiss her on the cheek, she reciprocates as shes done lately. we joking on each other like "ohhh u got stuck", "ohh look at u in ur sweats" all types of LOL's going around then she comes through with that pushover isht again
I let her know that I'm in fact taking It easy on her. I elaborated, she calls me sweet after some smooth delivery that then prompts me to inquire about how sweet she was.... I then lay one on her and let her know how sweet she was. she aight in the kissing department but first kisses don't tell the whole story n i knew this so that didn't stop me from cheesing and warming up n the iunno 20-30 degree night with concrete coated in ice. . like i said u can never judge kisser by their first kiss, nerves and uncertainty cloud the kiss so to speak. Hopefully she believes in the same thing cuz as we were making out I then proceeded to grab her ass.
:-/
Yeah i know...
It was by accident though.
She was wearing this 3/4 coat all bundled up and I couldn't tell ass from waist specially when my eyes closed. It's aight tho, I always fuck up a first kiss type situation. LoL
hmmm makes for an interesting blog post.
In related news...Me and squirts are officially done fucking . Weird shit. I was about to tell her that we couldn't eff around anymore but by the time i got home her sleepy ass was dormant. Anyway I'm at work and i hit her up during my boring 12 hour shift. She doesnt respond. then i get one of these...
Yea, i have to tell you something.
Here I am in the fucking cologne kiosk about to fall the fuck out. like i'm on some wtf type shit. This chick bout to tell me she's preggo. Now my bare penis have never felt the environment that is the vagine (va-gene) so my white kids are always 99.something percent away from the eggs/tubes. I start to panic and i send her a
"wha?"
and here goes the long wait... im outside n shit pacing.
and then she responds with a...
"I can't have sex wit you anymore"
Im like !!! i cheeesing like a mothafucka im relieved and the fact that i won't get sex x times a week for the time being doesn't really register. I shoot back
Wha? say word lol i was about to tell u the same thing
I like my friend the one whos locked up, hes getting out soon and i always liked him and i knew nothing was ever gonna happen with me and you. Wby?
ohh so u goin for the locked up dude, no doubt.
we said we gon be friends but after she fucks that dude who's coming home from jail ain't no way i'm touching her, real fucking talk.
We split amicably though..like it always goes.
Sent from my iPod
TMI BLOG AWARD RULES:
iite boom, post the award on your blog then list 8 things a voyeur / peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if they were watching you .award up to 8 bloggers who match the criteria of this award .make sure they know you enjoy peeping through their windows <id def peep through some of these bloggers windows>
8 Things a Voyeur/Peeping Tom could catch me doing--
.1 Yelling at my Dell laptop and threatening to throw it out the window.
.2 they'd probably catch me nekkid im pretty sure the spanish family across the way seen me buff already.
.3 theyd probably see me holding my dog up and just staring at him...no matter how buck he gets if i pick him up he wont do shit but just look at me...weird, but we bond like that lol.
.4 Rearranging my room
.5 theyd probably catch me watching porns...probably doin a lil sumthing sumthing if im feeling like itJerking off...yeah i said it... kinda
.6 They'd probably catch me jonesing on the phone with somebody.
.7 they'd probably catch me watching basketball football...or a movie on some days..just laying out.
.8 yooo.... they'd probably catch me pop locking and doing some michael jackson dances uh some shit lol
IIte so due to the rules being what they are im gonna have to list 8 bloggers who i feel give out too much info..in a good way cause the deeds are in the details.. whatever.. anyway the 8 are
Lalailybean of heaven on ethernet
Naddy of, thestushfiles.blogspot.com/
❥ jαι @ http://fabandbroke.blogspot.com/
ChattiCathi @ http://bhrittneychae.blogspot.com/
The AF Chix @ http://www.theafgirls.com/
iite fuck it...im likting just the 5
OK how "tacky" is this post gonna be.
Well Jess' birthday is (well since its 12:27) tommorow the 16th. And being the dude who's trying to get with her on the serious tip I been plotting to get her something. Now there's no way i can forget shorties birthday cause she's been counting down since like August so every convo we've had, her 21st bday was mentioned in someway lol. Soooo being that i like her like i do I wanted to do something for her day.
When we went to the movies for our first date she mentioned that she loves her chuck taylors. Her facebook headline says that she's a "t-shirt and chucks kinda girl" So i figured i'd cop her a pair since they ain't expensive or anything but i just feel awkward getting her something like that so soon ya know, even though they just sneaks, i think.
I always think there are two types of men out there. One who will get a girl through material shit buying her expensive materials and all and another dude who will get a girl through her mind and heart...and since im not trying to buy her i figured a bday mix will be more personal and more thought out. I can get her chucks when she's mine.
So i decided I'll make her a mixtape since she likes my taste in music so much. Here's whats gonna be on it.
J*Davey: MR. Mister Remix [she likes the original song i put her on to so much i thought i'd break her off the remix]
Blu- Dancing in the Rain [ one of my favs, thought i'd put her on]
Maxwell Pretty Wings [ cause she got some pretty ass wings]
Gym Class Heroes: 4th Period. Clothes off [ one of her favorite songs is Jermaine Stewart's 1986 single "We don't have to take our Clothes Off" this song i has the same hook just that they saying "we have to take our...Clothes off". This song is added just to show her an alternative option lol and besides i thought she'd like it]
Outasight: Darling Its Chemistry. [ self explanatory...it just fits and its an ill song and Its on of the reasons im diggin her]
The Roots-Birthday Girl . [yeah not touching that one]
Raphael Saadiq- Chic like you
Cise Starr- Lady Brown [ this one may not make the final cut, she'd probably appreciate the words because its this dude rapping about...yo just give it a listen..]
Ryan Leslie feat Pusha T - Something that I like [ cuz she got something I like Obviously]
Lupe Fiasco- and he gets the girl [ lol a bit presumptive but i like it. Iunno about this though cause lupe paints himself as a bit of an awkward dude here and i don't want nor need her thinking thats how i see myself cause i don't but all the ladies who have listened to this piece liked it so iunno we'll see]
J*Davey- No More [ iunno...filler and she def will like it]
Maxwell- Stop The World. [Cause this song is the shit and its suave as hell .... like me! lol]
So far that's the CD
Now I'm not trying to come on too strong so there is basically no love songs. I tried to keep it to descriptive songs. Songs that come close to how I see her/us as. Slow songs that let her know i wanna rock her world so to speak (stop the world) and some songs she may dig .....
hmmm i better add some more ^rock your world^ songs...
IIte so ...*thinks* on friday something notable happened apparently someone (I just recently named her "Squirts") decided it was time to unload all her grievances with me, on me. I gotta admit i did ask for it though.mI could have sworn she knew what we were. Granted I could have made it a bit more vanilla for her but I put sprinkles on my words naturally cause i'm too fucking nice (externally).
These are just pieces of the convo...i def wasn't about to type the whole damn thing cause i don't have a smart phone like everyone does...although i do have an Itouch (love that ipod touch). anyway ....
ME:Yo wuttup what u up to?
Her: Chillin
ME: Chillin huh? yo is something buggin you? u seeing someone else or something ?
her: Why u ask that?
Me: I just wanted to know since we aren't texting like usual and you've been short wit me.
her: No im not seeing anyone its just that u be actiing as though u wanna leave when i speak my mind, when you at my house.
Me: Whhat the sleeping over thing??
her: then you complain that your hand hurts or whatever u wont eat my pussy for some reason i dont know why(i actually do) thats how i cum 2 but wateva
her: You never even invited me over to your house
Me: Ohh iite it was good while it lasted i guess...
Her: So basically you got nothing to say about that. how come you didnt invite me over and why is it a hassle for you to actually make me cum.
Me: Cuz I got a car and i could come to you and daaaam! i damn near got carpal tunnel trying to make you cum, besides you cum when i fuck you.
her: Just because i cum when you fuck me doesn't mean i'm gonna cum every single time. and i like getting my pussy eaten just like you want you're dick sucked.
Me: True.. but u get what i was sayin bout the hand thing though right? Carpal tunnel is some serious shit! surgical shit!
her: Yess i do but why don't u like going down on me? be honest why don't you want me to?
Me: I usually dont go for oral cuz im not comfy doing that yet.
her: K
etcetera etcetera, yadda yadda yadda
It should have been done after i was like "ohh iite it was good while it lasted". I'm not the one to argue and if she was so beat up about it she could go and do something. It is what it is like...at this point I'm put off like huh how long were you holding this in?
Me: So we done? iite then
her: we cool. we can continue our thing..
at this point I was hoping that she would be so disgusted that she'd be on some fuck Don shit. But she wasn't then all the talk about cumming and eating and pussy got me antsy so I regrettably said I'd see her on Saturday (the next day)
what?? i felt guilty lol.
But that didn't stop her from continuing on ...well with a lil help from my poking and prodding.
She starts talking about me leaving early last time and how it got her feeling some type of way and that's why she caught an attitude.
her: you cant expect me not to feel some type of way when you cum and don'tmake the move to help me with it. I have to tell you to do it
Me: really wow? thats it? you sounding so selfish right now
her: I'm not selfish if i'm so then why you talking to me then since i'm so selfish
Me: cuz i like the sex and you type cool to be around
her:K
Me: ?? whats that mean??
her: thats how you feel, its fine
me: ooook
Hmm as I look at what i just typed I just noticed that she actually used the phrase "talking to" ...damn she definitely regressed. I didn't notice it cause i take those words literally. Like I take "talking to" as"parle-ing with" or " speaking to" so It didn't really register with me. I personally hate that phrase actually. 
At that point i didn't know if it was done or not but then she hit me up the next day talking about "u coming"? So i rolled through and i guess like 10 minutes into "Dead Presidents" she start with a "so u think I'm selfish huh" I got past all that without screwing up my chances of doing what I came to do and we wound up going 4 rounds. Iunno she must have got off on arguing with me cause 5 minutes after that she started grabbing DMV grabbing became stroking then we weren't watching dead presidents no more.
We started kissing (something i haven't done to her in a while) then I lift her shirt and began sucking her DD's I like sucking on the non pierced one so that naturally got the most of my attention. I wrap my left arm under her as i began to play with her cooch under her betty boop pajamas (not for too long though). As i do this she started to head for my dick. As she began stroking it i went to get the condiment so that i can Wrap it Up (wrap it up yall).
Shit I'm a fast starter specially if i have a mini break from sex in general and Ima admit this the first go didn't last long maybe like 10 mins one position. She knows this I know this so I'm not tripping. Second go round was long but she still didn't get hers so I hooked her numb ass clitoris up with some index/pointer action...nothing. I had two more go's left and it kinda became a mission to make her gush. I fucked her deeper gripping her inner thighs as i hit it from the back. The position ended up with me on top of her facing her back gripping her titts and while shes laying on her stomach im pounding it out with her legs closed that felt soooo goood we nutted at the same time. Not much of a victory even though it felt like it because I intended on making her catch up based on principle. So we go to a pizza store n shit for a break cause that last session took a toll on da main vein, besides I had to recharge the batteries. we ate..watched some TV then we were at it again in no time.
One last time cause well...cause I had one last rubber. This "sesh" wasn't anything at all I made her drip twice stroking it from missionary and then from the back. I luv squirters cuz after they cum the pussy just seems soooo better like damn you would think I came too right.... wrong!!! The condom started acting funny...well not acting funny but at a certain point i felt like i was stretching it out so I didnt take any chances... I sacrificed the nut and threw away the condom. She tried getting me off on some HJ isht but it was a no go...she probably got herself some damn carpal tunnel by trying for as long as she did.
yayy family guy is on.
I think I beat my all time high in sessions in a 6 hour period. Anyway how i get four sessions without apologizing and promising anything is beyond me. I should have been more final in the arguement but a part of me still wanted to beat. I def need to set things straight with her though
Well I'm not gonna write nothing long I promise I just wanna write some isht down u know get some shitt off my chest.
* I'm hyper as hype as he'll right now. Have u ever had his happen to you? One minute you're normal and the next you are speeeding through everything. You can't sit still, you can't read at a normal pace. You can't wait for this interesting Chimamanda Adichie speech to end but you're so enlightened so you don't dare speed through it ;-) .
Holy shit she is sooo enlightening!
Anyway.
Iunno I'm just on some hyper shit i wanna just gogogo. Music is powerful as fuck. If I wasn't in a mixed/white hood i'd go running right now (it's 4am Dec 2nd).
I wanna know more shit. I can wait to start school again. Imma be so immersed in criminal justice one wouldn't be able to watch the best law annd order shows with me.
There comes a time in my life where I regress in one way or another. If you were with me long enough you've read some of em. Now I regress a little but I tend to find my way back and laying it down in bare words will help.
I've become dependent on people.
Not totally dependent. But making trivial decisions can't go down unless I check with somebody, anybody, anyone I believe has more expertise than I in any given subject that has to do with my decision. Smart? yeaaah but when it comes to a point where u can't make a yeah/naw decision without calling/referring/deferring to someone it's a fucking problem.
While I'm on the subject of shit that's wrong with me at the moment...
I play too many "games"! Well not just the usual games when it comes to relations with the opposite sex its kinda deeper than that. I pride myself on being honest and displaying probity but falsehoods and games leak outta me in other ways now that I think about it. I can say something yet not do it, im not being false in the traditional sense but im not exactly being truthful. Either that or I say one thing knowing that that moment is a moment where i can tell truths but I don't. Like in my head i believe something yet my actions dont follow my beliefs now either i wanna be wit "xyzed" or not. Havin the cake and fuckin it aint me [hmm yess it is].
Or is it?. [it is buddy]
OK but i should be at least a bit more honest about it..
And im too strategic too. When im talkin to someone i try so hard not to be like anyone else I'm not myself (ouch). I try to figure out too much and then Hiding under the veil of games n strategy may come back to bite me in the ass cause it takes away honesty in things.
...oh well... knowing is half the battle and I know this man so im just gonna chill cuz i already did half the work. Now i just gotta hope i reverse some of these trends ...especially the first one.
"To thine own self be true"
In other news:
Yeah two (3) days ago my wrist was killing me like a muthafucka. I thought it was carpal tunnel but that's just cause it was a pain I've never felt before. It's better now though much better. Before i couldn't put my hands together in a prayer formation so now that i can do that with relatively little pain I'm at ease. Neva Eva Eva Eva Eva play three games of bowling and finger a chick for what seems like 30 minutes!
Yeah yeah I coulda switched hands but u know how that go...
Sent from my iPod
