COGNI.VOL...

Speaking of pigs
something has been buggin me a lil

Its a new semester and i saw this girl that really was feeling me. Last semester she would occasionally do some outlandish shit to get my attention and it worked sorta (big ass titties but big ass stomach also). Wounded up playing pool with her one night at alumni quad. We werent there alone there was a bunch of us. Ever since then she was vying to get my attention and i wouldnt give it to her, lol even tho them titties was callin me, i didnt really fuck with her. Until she facebook IMed me like around 4am. We got into a conversation and it started to head south. She talkin about suckin my dick if i'd eat her out. I was drunk so i was like fine (no way ida done that but i said it to get her movin) come through. I had to meet her halfway so i did and we forward to my crib. She comes in and goes in the living room. I was like ?? and went into my room. She said the living room was a mess so she followed me in. I close the door and we sit on my bed and started to talk, she starts askin me all types of questions. She even told me about the shit she done heard about me (most likely from one source: her friend). Eventually we lay in the bed and i proceeded to make moves, she wasnt having it. Thats what she said but the way she said it led me to believe she was playin. She was acting coy about it so i pushed more went in to kiss her a couple of times. I even pulled her titties out started suckin on em, nothing. Ive just been fronted on cuz she said she wasnt suckin my dick. She said all we've discussed was her gettin her pussy ate. long story short I kicked her out at like 6AM in the morning. No way was this waking up with me and we aint do nothin. I was just like you cant stay here...I said it as calm as a hindu cow. She left and i felt bad watchin her go down so i offered to walk her home but she refused.
I saw her today and although we resloved the issue i still feel bad about doing that to her. That instance has shown me how far ive come from what i was. I was a good natured, nice guy growing up. The old me woulda let her stay just for wanting to spend time with me, but the new me didnt even want that. I got colder...
I knew it was wrong but i did it anyway, young jawn coulda got robbed raped or kidnapped n shit and i woulda been the nigga whos last seen her. OK, that is a bit much but im just saying that i regretted doing her like that. Especially the way it went down, it prolly was a major L for her but i didnt care, why should I? I dunno i just know that in the past it probably wouldnt have gone down the way it did and its become apparent on how far ive come attitude wise thats all.
She's cool about it, homegirl still playful with me but, i feel that it just reinforces her friends belief about me. Her friend i got up with last fall semester. I didnt do her wrong but i think she resents me because she cheated on her boyfriend with me. If you call makin out with a nigga while drunk cheating( i do to). We were dancing well, dubbing and i pushed the envelope a little and started makin out with her, danced sommore until we moved to the "chair of life" (lol). Then i proceed to make out with her somemore. eventually i started grippin in between her thighs. I started to go under her shirt and under them jeans (in front of everybody lol but they were dancing n shit) but she drew the line and i obliged after a couple more attempts. I asked her to come back with me but she wasnt havin it and i was cool. I saw her again (both our crews chilled again) and she was akward about it, makin me akward about it and i kinda got the feeling she resented me about the whole thing. Understandably so but its not like i knew she had a boyfriend. I didnt stress it even now i try not to see her when i see her lol. I try to be nice tho, no over extension. Its watever but watever resentment she had for me then probably increased due to the fact i did what i did to her friend...oh well

it is what it is...