About the blog SURREALITY, I think i figured out what was buggin me. Although it is a bit awkward to say fuck it. Basically the way i have had sex then and before my ex and the way i had sex with my ex are different. So there is two types, the less connected bang bang dick (B4-X) action to a more...umm..connected way of havin sex when I'm as in tune to the chick as i am myself (during-X). I'm not finna go in depth on my "style of sexing" but i has havin sex so much in the latter form (during-X) that it went over to the chick mentioned in my last blog and that gave me the heepie jeepies cuz.... well.... she wasn't my ex and she shouldn't have gotten "dicked" like that, she definitely enjoyed it tho cuz my sheets were a mess...Yeah sex is sex but (IMO[In my Opinion]) you don't fuck a jumpoff like you fuck ya girl, Ive never heard it before i guess it was a schema [inscribed belief] of mine that I didn't know about, until now...
damn ima be sore tommorow...
Now i have this mixtape called Summer Breeze Slow Jams or something like that (copped it last summer) annd I've been listening to it alllooot these past couple of days. Now I've stumbled onto mad songs that i previously didn't know the name of. Some of these songs include:
can you stand the rain (song is nutz) by New Edition
Searching- Roy Ayers who is my favorite cuz searching by Pete Rock and CL Smooth (Google em) is one of my favorite songs of all time and they sampled the great Roy Ayers so of course I'm a fan of the man. While listening to this tape i found out that Roy Ayers actually made the song "Everybody Loves the Sunshine" shit is crazy cuz Ive been wondering who sung that weird ass song lol.
"MY LIFE, MY LIFE, MY LIFE, MY LIFE!!! IN THE SUNSHIIINE!!!!"
ummm other songs include: "I'd rather be with you" by Bootsy Collins; "What you won't do for love"by Bobby Caldwell which was sampled in another one of my fave songs "Do for love" by Tupac. Love TKO, Let Me Love You Down and Time Will Reveal just to name a few more.
But that is no where near the point of this blog.... OK maybe its related but peep this song!
Inside My Love - Minnie Riperton
Two people, just meeting
Barely touching each other
Two spirits greeting
Trying to carry it further
You are one and I am another
We should be one inside each other
You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?
You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?
Two strangers, not strangers
only lacking the knowing
So willing, feeling, infinite growing
While we're here the whole world is turning
We should be one
Fulfilling our yearning
You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?
You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?
Here I am on my way to an interview and this song by Minnie Ripperton (who I've only heard of previously from Jamie Foxx's Chorus in Kanye's "Slow Jams") starts up and usually I'm listening to the instruments, the voice, that little keyboard solo in the end (lyrics are second to music in my world) but for some reason the lyrics scream out at me like all of a sudden i start listening to what she's actually sayin because I heard the word "come" in such a way that can only mean sex. At this point I'm on the bus Wide Eyed as FUC because this is one of those beautiful popular songs about sex!! Now I'm really diggin this song because the bass is crazy and if not a literal interpretation it's at least an entendre about sex (whether its double or triple is beyond me) but i like how she puts it.
"Will you come inside me" can probably mean "will you come into my world" or some shit, I only got that because the line previous to that was "you can see inside me". When two people are feeling each other they get a "feel" or a read on that persons aura, their views on the world, how they react to living in the same world everyone lives in (everyone reacts different) if what they see (inside) agrees with them or if she has some nice ass titties then you "come inside her", you enter into her world, figuratively you can only do it once... but if you nasty[literal] like me then you can do it again and again (after a 20 minute break and some pop tarts [if i didnt eat all day]). But yeah this song is defenitly about knowing and growing to care about a person all while the world goes on doing what it does. ...
..
.
.
... or it can be about havin od sex with someone you are yearning for, none the less it is truly beautiful.
I like songs like these because they have to mean something no one or chick for that matter will have a song all about sex, blatantly about sex. Other chicks would frown upon them and men would think they easy [lil kim, trina, etc etc etc]. But yeah, this song has been in my dome all day and I just thought I'd be proactive and write about it.
JUST BEES N THINGS N FLOWERS!!!
My thirst for knowledge is not being fulfilled. I take school for granted to a degree but I was learning. Professors were dictating, I was studying I was getting knowledge, getting smarter.
Now that I'm not in school ( i graduated) I'm no longer doing any of those things.
I'm not studying Psychology and Sociology theories and applying them to real life. I'm not learning new things from random general education classes. I'm just chilling, watching TV, looking for a job, playing video games, looking for girls to fill a void. etcetera. I'm not learning anything and i feel that I'm suffering for it.
Sometimes when i think or read I skip around. I'm not finishing thoughts and sometimes i have pauses in speech where I'm thinking of what to say mid sentence and that fucks up my whole speech. I am studying for the GRE's and that is something but its basically studying how to get through the test. I'm learning GRE words and that's cool but I'm a humanities guy; i like learning about human phenomenons social or psychological. Thats probably why Ive been reading so much blogs lately. I'm interested in whats in other peoples heads. How they live, their opinions, their values or reasoning, all of that. I'm trying to learn, to apply new things into my life, i feel that i could read a book right now.
I feel like the blogs are not enough though i need to keep stimulated in an intellectual way. Ive been in school non stop every year from kindergarten to December 7th 2008. I just gotta get used to not being in school, at least for a while because grad school is a must. Until then I'm gonna bookmark the newyorktimes.com and I'm gonna keep reading blogs and maybe eventually self help books [who doesn't need self help].
I need knowledge to flow in between my ears constantly in order to feel right....something else im learning about myself...
My eyes are soooo lazy, im not used to getting up this early. i improved to 11AM but the past few days ive been getting up at 7/8 AM for interviews. My first interview was Warehouse Management in this company that distributes donated toys/books/clothes to kids. It paid good so i went to check it out. Little did i know that the place is more than two hours away. Shiet its not even in Philadelphia. I found out that a bus goes over there so i went to check it out. By the time i got there i was so turned off at the idea of working there that i didnt care when the lady said she couldnt give me the job due to no management experience. LOL the lady called me up there and that was one of the first things she said!! im like, what the fuck, but i didnt care cuz i would hate commuting over there every day, and septa is so fucked up that after as certain time the buses would stop runnin. My interview today was in the city but they asked me to sell insurance for commission, HEWLLLLL NOOOOOO. WTF this was supposed to be the week i come out with a job. Oh well im just gonna keep looking....
One thing the insurance company did do for me was put things in perspective. In their marketing pitch they mentioned the difference between a job and a career. He wrote {on a board with a marker, you know how they do} that a job is: "a hat you put on a 9 and you take off at 5". I was thinking that a job would be something i want because most of the stuff i love about life has nothing to do with a job. I would work earn money and live life everyday after 5PM, with my wife, kids and my doberman pincer named Cicero. He then went over career and he listed a few attributes that make a career a career. One of the attributes listed was:
I was thinkin about it throughout the train ride and being that i need a purpose in order to succeed in life. Not that i wasn't thinkin about what i wanted to do before but there was a sense of purpose missing. What makes someone wanna sell insurance? What makes people wanna crunch numbers all day? Passion summed it up. I was also talkin to shorty (someone else, holla) today and she lookin to get her CPA. A piece of the convo went like this.
Her: yeah
Her: work is so busy this time of year
Me: tax time
Me: season, rather lol
Me: least you like it and have a passion for it, thats great... {it was on my mind that much that i brought it up while talkin to this chick}
Her fine self: yeah thats how people become successful ....passion
then i thought about sex... lol
Among that i thought about AIDS and how im od scared of it. One of the things im adamant of in my life is a safe sex life, for me and my peoples (friends and ethnicity). In late January I wanted to go into Business Administration for my masters but i wanted it just for the money and i figured that going through all that math might not be good for me financially (i could fail out) and i need a couple of years work experience and a high GMAT score which is more od math. I then vied for A Masters in Communications because there is alot of job opportunities for it. Then i found out that its OD competitive and it still isn't a very specific road map laid out for me. I still didn't know what to do or what i could do with such a degree.
My mom then suggested i tried Hospital Administration you know being the admin in a hospital n shit. I figured hey that's wassup! I can keep to the family occupation and be in a hospital (My Aunt is a Nurse and Mom is a Respiratory Therapist) i felt that it would be close to home and would do as a substitution for passion. I was on that route until i figured out what i figured out above (me and me aids fear). Then i thought about my obsession with my weight and of how fat America is getting. Then it clicked....Public Health. A career in public health would help me do something about denting the prevalence of aids in our community and help fight childhood and general obesity. I even wrote about these things on here. Not to mention my beef with these fucked up politicians and the lack of concern over global warming.
Yoo, am i reaching or did i really find out what I'm supposed to do in life???
Did i find my calling? because ever since Ive made the decision it stuck in a way that no other decision has.
there were always ifs and maybes and fogged up areas from here to where ever
but i feel that i have a clear view of what i wanna do now. I could be a health behavioral analyst or work for the gov't, the CDC. Shit pays good too, don't get it fucked up lol. Money Is A Major Issue ya digg lol, like im from Florida...feel me?
[M.I.A.M.I] just in case you didn't get it (damn im so witty)
I may be slow to choose but I'm just tryin to undo what i did in the past. I was a sociology major... :-(
I got more less serious shit but ima get at that later or tommorow.... life is soo fuckin funny
