Its been a looong time since i wrote some deep shit about myself on here. I just finished reading some of my old posts and they delved deep into my soul n shit. I was self analyzing solving my own problems by writing shit down and it helped immensely. Those posts were declarations of my deepest thoughts that ive been holding inside me for a loooong time. Either ive told someone this or ive told no one this.
I miss Ashley (random thought but ima elaborate before i go to work)
Ashley was probably my first crush that ive acted on. She was my cousins best friend and when we were youngins i saw her and i instantly was diggin her. We knew each other from when we were reaaal young but im talkin when we were significantly grown and capable i was capable of such an emotion. Umm yeah soo My cousin would talk to her on aim and one day i made a mental note of her screename and i got at her, she was livin in Philly me in Brooklyn, but i had to tell her that i was feeling her cuz it was the strongest emotion Ive felt for anyone at that point in life. After a couple sessions n shit we started to gett to know each other to the point where we can tell each other anything,...
as long as we weren't face to face lol
I would freeze up whenever she was around and shit lol. She would get mad that i dont talk to her...it would be this never ending cycle until i took steps to end it and i did during one of my cousins birthday parties. We grew kept talkin non stop.... Now i did tell her i was feeling her and shit but by that time whatever we had was too strong and she didn't wanna risk it, besides we like 500 miles apart.
I took it well, we were 500 miles apart so i wasn't really distraught or nothin, i liked the fact that i could tell her everything and she been my
my .... be..good friend ever since
umm, My feelings for her was complicated because there would be times when id be really digging her like i was before or when she was just my peoples but id say throughout id feel a mixture of the two. Im always gonna have something for her. Shiet as i was comming into my own she even confessed for having something for me.
Everything ive ever held in, any problems ive been through, women trouble, parent trouble she's had a hand in. I can say in utter confidence that she knows the most about me than anyone in the world. Shiet i even replaced my cousin, they arent as tight as they used to be whilst me and her were on the contrary. Besides my family and her theres no one else id take a bullet for (we done talked about that too haha). I miss her now though.
She's in college n shit, ive even moved to Philadelphia and i haven't even seen her, maybe it's for the best who the fuck knows. I do know that every time i saw Brown Sugar and Love and Basketball i would be thinkin about her. Maybe its Sanaa Lathan they do look alike lol.
Im not stressing it, she just popped into my head as i was writing above so i wrote about her, she's a big part of my life.. at least she was
Thats probably why im bloggin right now, as an outlet; maybe blogging is a replacement outlet.
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