COGNI.VOL...

iunno what it is about today but ima be really negative for a minute so bear with me..
*pause*

all my life ive coasted
i went through life gliding not makin noise
i stay in the gray area and no one notices. Trust it has its advantages because you never have to deal with drama, beefs and bullshit. Me? i envy one with these problems. those are good problems to me. i haven't dodged these things they just never seem to happen to me. In reality I HAVE NO ENEMIES. I'm not saying that no one fucks with me because i am who i am (quiet nigga with sometimes bad intentions). No one fucks with me because they have no reason to. Im thankful i never had to hide behind any walls when walkin down the street but i want to affect people. I dont want to inspire i dont want to influence i want to be recognized. Sometimes i feel that i'd rather be hated than live like a ghost. im not talking "hated on" since that shit is also going around (previous post "Swag"). Haters will never be a problem i have an out of sight out of mind thing. I want to be hated...and loved. i just want to make people feel something for me. I never thought i'd type this shit but here it is. I think thats why ive had an attitude this year although its brought me in contact with people who would never know me other wize. Although i have a "gray" personality ive always needed extremes around me. Dark and Light, Hate and Love..its certain and raw; my personality comes out around loud ass muthafuckas. its like they bump me out of the gray area when they around and i get buck. There aint much people like that i need to learn to do that shit myself.

Being in the gray area has its advantages but its most dire disadvantage is that the perception of you is also gray - Me ( i promise)

I want to be felt. i guess thats why im trying to wife any girl that comes my way; except the obvious hoes who i rarely go after because

1. I'm OD afraid of any deabilitating thing happening to my dick (castration, AIDS, HIV)
2. they usually dont do much for me but get my dick hard, i need more soul than that...always have

i want someone to feel me... to understand me, its only human nature...it comes naturally to some people but that was never me. I was a closed book all my life and to some degree i continue to be. i dont like to share but no one has ever wondered until recently this year and it hasnt really bothered me until ive had someone wonder. I guess people aint really trying to press, you cant MAKE someone tell you about themselves, adult coworkers tend to though, lol.

Emotional worth, aint no low cost when it comes to this. if we talkin ends of the love hate spectum, if you on the low end of the spectrum you might as well be on the same position on the other side...the amount of emotional worth you get is the same but it may be a different emotion. the worse off you can be is in the middle. other than my family, rite now i feel like in most peoples eyes im in the gray.

its whatever, it is what it is though