COGNI.VOL...

I shoulda woke up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin,
you know shake things up a bit maybe something different will come out of this day

i did something somewhat stupid but it's not that bad; i saw this girl ive been talking to for about a week or so. I was in her room alone with her for about an hour (she lives mad far) and i didnt do JACK. Usually i would be a go but lets just say shes not as mature as I am. conflicting thoughts of head v. head. The head in my brain whos been my own for 22 years and is more advanced than most against the dick head in my pants who is OD yearning for some white girl pussy.

YOo this shit is truly a weakness when you have two brains you do dumb shit. But i think the brain is gonna win this one because i dont want other dick heads goin through me in jail. that wont be a good look at all. the deterrent isnt exactly being secluded from the rest of society or being caged for a better portion of the day. the real deterrent is niggaz like bubba n shit and all the jail violence that goes unlooked by the gaurds n shit. I never want to see the inside of a jail cell and you know how easy it is for a black man to see one. Speaking of black men or people in general i was thinkin that CNN's black in America would be a broadcast of something positive about black people. They had poets doing their thing during the commercials n shit i was thinkin "ok this is gonna be some black empowerment thing", "its crazy that cnn is doing this" and "now the world will get a sense of what its like to live like us" LMAO boy was i wrong but being a soc major i should have known better. All CNN did was read off a bunch of social statistics regarding black folks. it was a look into our lives and all the negative things in it. 70% of black kids are born to unwed parents. The AIDs epidemic is runningg rampant throughout our community. Dumb black niggaz who (stereotypically) are labeled as lazy and unambitious were exposed as such. Our black women, the ones that have kids are most likely raising them alone.

Its sad because i know we can do better; we just need the love the latins have for each other and the white folks bank account and areas of expertise (which we can attain just as easily). Black men who rob folks are most likely to rob other black people than robbing any other race and thats just some sad shit. I can walk down the street and instead of seeing my brother i will most likely see an enemy.

But what can i do; i dont give a fuck all i gotta do is me right now. I gotta keep myself out of jail and keep my dick clean for my future queen. Anything other than that will be a detterrent of my happiness and i cant have that. The race as a whole aint goin down niggaz is in college and you never know the blacks in college may be the only ones who can survive in the future (who knows what that will bring specially with this recession).

Thats the reason i cant follow my dick even though at times it look like its leading me physically (think about it) lol. Thats what most of the black dudes i know do and it leads them into some shit. in order for me to be that different black man that i am; i got to fight off my banal instincts to fuck with baggage this bag has Kobe written all over it and being as smart as i am i cant fuck with it.

even if I am starvin to stab sumthin