COGNI.VOL...

Well I'm not gonna write nothing long I promise I just wanna write some isht down u know get some shitt off my chest.

* I'm hyper as hype as he'll right now. Have u ever had his happen to you? One minute you're normal and the next you are speeeding through everything. You can't sit still, you can't read at a normal pace. You can't wait for this interesting Chimamanda Adichie speech to end but you're so enlightened so you don't dare speed through it ;-) .

Holy shit she is sooo enlightening!

Anyway.

Iunno I'm just on some hyper shit i wanna just gogogo. Music is powerful as fuck. If I wasn't in a mixed/white hood i'd go running right now (it's 4am Dec 2nd).

I wanna know more shit. I can wait to start school again. Imma be so immersed in criminal justice one wouldn't be able to watch the best law annd order shows with me.

There comes a time in my life where I regress in one way or another. If you were with me long enough you've read some of em. Now I regress a little but I tend to find my way back and laying it down in bare words will help.

I've become dependent on people.
Not totally dependent. But making trivial decisions can't go down unless I check with somebody, anybody, anyone I believe has more expertise than I in any given subject that has to do with my decision. Smart? yeaaah but when it comes to a point where u can't make a yeah/naw decision without calling/referring/deferring to someone it's a fucking problem.

While I'm on the subject of shit that's wrong with me at the moment...
I play too many "games"! Well not just the usual games when it comes to relations with the opposite sex its kinda deeper than that. I pride myself on being honest and displaying probity but falsehoods and games leak outta me in other ways now that I think about it. I can say something yet not do it, im not being false in the traditional sense but im not exactly being truthful. Either that or I say one thing knowing that that moment is a moment where i can tell truths but I don't. Like in my head i believe something yet my actions dont follow my beliefs now either i wanna be wit "xyzed" or not. Havin the cake and fuckin it aint me [hmm yess it is].


Or is it?. [it is buddy]

OK but i should be at least a bit more honest about it..

And im too strategic too. When im talkin to someone i try so hard not to be like anyone else I'm not myself (ouch). I try to figure out too much and then Hiding under the veil of games n strategy may come back to bite me in the ass cause it takes away honesty in things.
...oh well... knowing is half the battle and I know this man so im just gonna chill cuz i already did half the work. Now i just gotta hope i reverse some of these trends ...especially the first one.


"To thine own self be true"

In other news:


Yeah two (3) days ago my wrist was killing me like a muthafucka. I thought it was carpal tunnel but that's just cause it was a pain I've never felt before. It's better now though much better. Before i couldn't put my hands together in a prayer formation so now that i can do that with relatively little pain I'm at ease. Neva Eva Eva Eva Eva play three games of bowling and finger a chick for what seems like 30 minutes!

Yeah yeah I coulda switched hands but u know how that go...




Sent from my iPod