Iite so here go another one I've promised to write about previously.
Iite dad pops assclown lol.
I don't make it a habit of even thinking bout this dude (much less blogging about him) but i since i havent mentioned him on here ever annnnd ...hekindahassomethingtodowithmeexisting (lol) and he was brought up by me me in a previous post i might as well record the backstory a lil...
Anyway
ummm he wasn't always a ghost sometimes he was kinda there. And me being the wide eyed-in need of and fatherly influence type of child I was I was cool with it shit i was elated at times. Sometimes we ( me n my brother) would do the crying thing when he pulled a no show (alot) but we were kids anyway and he was our dad we took it to heart as kids do. As we got up there in age the further apart from our father we became. Although we revered him as kids we also feared him. He was just a stern ass traditional haitian dude who can be some kind of an an ass-sphincter at times especially to my mother and although we were both boys and we saw our flawed father as if he could do no wrong we loved ( & still do) our moms. So I resented him for that. As we grew up his bullox became more evident, especially in my eyes. Slowly but surely . His personality wasn't complimentary to mine, he never supported he only sought to tear down. He basically held me back if I grew up under his "rule" I would a completely different person today lol i have pics to prove it. Havin me dressin like Urkel n shit. I would have been miserable up to this point in my life!! LoL
Anyway I remember we had a falling out cause he wanted me to wear some type of dress shirt and his tone bugged me so much that it got to the point where I was about to cuss him out on some oedipus shit but moms stopped me. Ever since that altercation i had no words with the man. See most people they would say dumbness like "ohh do u miss him". Shit even when I was goin to therapy the lady would constantly ask about this nigga like he had such a profound effect on my life, like i was still 5! He didn't, he was just there and when he was there I disliked him. He's an embarrassment, he's a liar, he abuses women, he's a dictator and he's a deadbeat whats to like about dude. Like damn I don't understand how people can give him so much credit lol; I don't even pronounce the last name the way his fam does. To be honest when i see a child and his father on the street or wherever I don't think about what i don't have cause i never liked what i had... being a son was a burden, it was a cage. Instead I think about what I'm gonna be like when I'm a father and how I'm gonna be naturally better at it than he could possibly fathom.
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i didn't grow up liking my father either. but one thing i've learned since getting older is to respect the fact that he is my father. i don't necessarily care for him but i care for the name that i represent and my affiliation with his side of the family. i can definitely relate to this though. and yeah i don't wanna perpetuate the whole absent father thing so it's a major goal of mine for my child's father to be present.