One of the things I tried doing in order to get me to write again is just mini blog in my notes app. It’s inconsistent but more consistent then me logging on to here
Hey how ya doing
Anyway. I have a child now. Not sure if I wrote this down on here but yes. She’s a girl. I’m very private even here so I won’t give away too much about her but she’s my world.
Now that I think about it maybe I have written about her on here before. The fake self made issue about how she has a father and I can’t relate so I can’t relate how she’s sees me kind of issue.
We’re way past that. Shot myself in the foot mentally. Grazed. Healed. Threw the gun away on that one.
A stupid endeavor
Anyway…
I wrote mini blogs on my notes app about the “highlights of my day”.
These events are almost entirely if not entirely Daught related. I’m calling her Daught on here for obvious reasons. Just things she does. Milestones funny little quirks.
Anyway without further ado. I want to put this down here in one of the longest running blog sites ever. Here goes:
Highlight of my day
11/27 - thanksgiving dinner. We telling stories and eating and at some point my daughter came out her shell and finally showed everyone who she is. Amazing. It’s like everyone met her for the first time again.
11/28
Seeing her walk around in her little outfit. It was a little hoodie with ears on it. Off white ish but blueish too. So cute.
12/1 -
She was petting Tucker ,and and while she was stroking his fur, she kept looking at his mouth as he started panting, and she was so curious you could see her little eyes focused on his face as she circled him.
12/2
Watching her kick a soccer ball across the room. Will she like soccer? Sports? That would be awesome.
12/3
When she was at the dinner table and I kept saying I love and she kept repeating it, but she kept accentuating else throughout the entire phrase so it would be I love you loo something like that. And her tongue would out so funny.
12/29
Dinner with wife’s fam.
She is taking to them. It has took her awhile to get used to them but seeing her personality shine as we know it was pretty cool. She wasn’t open all the way but she opened up enough lol
1/16/26
Finally ate at my mom’s house. Soup joumou, a Haitian special. Watching her eat it is always dope because it kinda bridges the gap between my mom and her somewhat. We were late in eating it because my moms had to go to nyc for new years. Glad we were able to make it happen.
2/1/26
She played the keyboard mad long. She stumbled on to some new sound with a press of a button and she tinkered with it longer. Had some lil vibes in there among all the different noises she made with it. Her uncle (my side) got her the keyboard for Xmas and she be on it everyday but this was the longest. She also had me read to her. Lately she lately she hasn’t been letting me read, but today was different as I read a bunch of book and she actually sat down when I read it. She still hates me wearing glasses, but it’s OK when she does take them off. it feels like she been waiting to finally see me sometimes. She has that silent look about her when she takes my glasses off like oh there he is lol . OK, that’s it.
3/25
Fav thing she did today. She woke up after obv having a dream. Must have been about the dog because she started barking and the proceeded to tell the dog to go to his spot.
4/29
She made a funny face while we played with the Blocks. A bombastic side eye with a smirk had me rolling. She’s so expressive. Love that for her as I’m absolutely not 😂😂. She’s awesome.
Most of the others are commemorated through recordings so I’ll just review and write and add them on separate posts later. But they’ll come in batches.
Haven’t posted since 2018.
Not about to do an entire recap might catch up though a post at a time
So people even still use this anymore?
Who cares
Main thing I want to do right now is record my thoughts as a new father.
More on that later…
My wife and I
More on that later …
Are 8 months in raising a new human being. She’s a girl. I’m officially a girl dad and my spirit is percolating in ways I could have never imagined.
I was so hoping for a boy but when they said girl all I wanted was for her to be here.
And out she came
I wanna write the experience down some so definitely more on delivery later.
But yea we’re 8 months in aaand it’s been crazy.
She’s amazing. Happy Healthy and brimming with personality already.
I came here as she hit another milestone and I wanted to write down how I felt about it. I have been feeling so much lately it’s hard to actually sit down with it all and take it all in with zero crumbs left. It gets overwhelming and I get physically emotional and then it transforms into something else or something else happens and then I get busy and …
Idk I feel like in order to process the gravity of the situations and milestones and to give it enough time and weight I should write it down so that it can last forever
I hope..
Anyway
She said dada when I came home from work today. 6/3/25.
My heart floated in a sea of love
I mean…my wife has sent me a video of her saying it early last week but she said “dada” in a sea of babble. Before and after the d.a.d.a came out her mouth, it was a bunch of baba nana haha lala’s lol . Granted she said the word that sounded like dada somewhere in there and I felt it when she said it then but i attributed it to her just babbling. Still didn’t stop me from tearing up a little at work but I knew what it was lol .
Today though I caught her attempting to mimic the things I say. It was for a good 5 seconds but I caught it so I just said dada slow and purposefully and bam she repeated it right after me.
So fkn decent!!!! Hahah I was so happy. lol
She said mama like a few weeks ago so i was ecstatic .
Granted she has a few ways to go before actually calling me dada but we’re getting there
I know it seems like I’m overqualifying an event and kicking a meaning can down the road but every bit of it means something to me.
I love her so much and dad , dada, pa, , father hasn’t really meant much of anything to me prior to her birth. She’s literally teaching me what a father means to somebody …she teaches me what a father means everyday in real time !
And guess what…
And I’m supposed to be the fkn father!!! Lolol
How crazy is that?!
It’s not like I came through via immaculate conception. I had a father too. I still do…. kind of
More on that later.
And I’m sure when I was a baby, when I was her age, I was happy when he came home from work (if he ever lived with us back in 86). I was happy when he woke up from sleep (if he was around at that time). I was happy when I was looking at him for extended periods of time, and he just glanced my way and looked at me and I start smiling🤷🏿♂️.
If he was around during this time,…
Like ..I’m sure it happened.
I don’t remember it though , probably because we’re talking about my eight month old baby And a time period in which I was around the same age who remembers that bullshit.
I guess I’m realizing what I mean to baby and the gravity of what I mean to her and how it shows itself in regular interaction is kinda new to me. It’s jarring, it makes me happy, it makes me want to do more, be more and I’m so grateful for all of it
Like I’m really her dad and she knows it and she’s happy because of it. She’s such a blessing I’m happy I’ve been chosen by God to be her dad. And I take the responsibility of it so so serious.
Despite the fact that she sees me as Superman and I can’t relate because i never had one won’t stop me from trying to live up to the title and that’s what it’s all about.
I left my job.
I don't work as a child welfare investigator anymore.
No more shoveling shit. No more being subjected to human bullshit. No more wondering if these mFz ads gonna kill their kids. No more mental health. No more supervisor, Admin and director.
No more extreme stress.
At least I hope...
I didn't quit.
During the last lost about stress I mentioned a move I was trying to make to which would get me out of the stressful position I was in. Eventually the transfer went through and I was gone!
Sat in a cozy desk all day watching YouTube videos and instead of worrying about all aspects of child welfare I just was in a position to prevent a certain aspect of it. Prevention wasn't bad.. Less busy. I liked it only because it wasn't investigations. I hated the fact that I had to wake up early but I never stayed late and I only did overtime when I wanted to do it. It was weird but it was better than the fuckery that I was a part of.
Sidebar.... I previously said that the job is bullshit. It is def not bullshit. The lack of Child welfare is a serious issue in this world and it seems that we're the only ones intent on stopping it. Only the task is so daunting that everyone from policy makers, to the employers, To the actual employees are having a hard time wrapping an arm, an idea, around mitigating the horrific stories you see in the news every week. In the process of trying to mitigate, they maximize what they need from each person. Their social life, their health, their time, their mental health are all subjected to this and it takes a toll. The job ain't bullshit....
Anyway... I can say that cuz i'm not mad anymore. I'm not angry. I'm not stressing. I appreciate all that the job gave to me as I receive my W2s which stated that I made 56000 bux last year... I'm scheduled to make 10000 less this year in my new position since there is no overtime.
Speaking of my new position...
Remember when I said I left investations to go to prevention.... Well that didn't last long. It probably lasted a month before I had to leave the company for good. A law enforcement agency called, and that test that I killed a few months ago, led them to believe that I was a good fit for this crime information analyst job.
Being that I went to and graduated wcu with a masters in criminal justice and I couldn't use it in investigations or prevention... I took the job.
I've been here two months and it took a while but I left and I beat down any semblance of stress left in me from when I wrote that first "Stress" post a few months ago.
I haven't felt anything close to those feelings since leaving investigations and I hope I never do. I feel sorry for those that are still there but they can probably handle it better than me. If I was still over there I could have probably done something ill that I would've regretted.
I survived.
But that comes with its own bull shit apparently...
That's for another time tho.
